One man’s experience of a female stalker

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Sexual violence is underreported for both men and women. Women experience a lot of stigma such as victim-blaming and stuff like that which makes it very difficult to make a report and follow through with it. There can be issues depending on the law enforcement in one’s area too. The perception is that women have it easier when it comes to this stuff, but the perception is an exaggeration of reality.

Many victims don’t make a report because of how daunting and traumatic the process is. That’s true for all genders.

One would think that a little sensitivity would be demonstrated to female survivors who have personal experience with this topic. I guess my expectations were a bit too high.

Once again, crimes like sexual and domestic violence are underreported for all genders because of stigma and how challenging it is to go through a trial. That’s not to say that men aren’t even less likely to make a report than women are, but that doesn’t mean that it’s an easy process for women. Some choose not to go through a trial because of how traumatic the process often is. Many who’ve experienced it say that it was as traumatizing as the SA itself.

Exactly.

It's not easy for anyone to report. There's a systemic problem with family law where victims are often discredited. I faced it myself when I was told I was "too emotional" and therefore not credible. When I went back to police a second time I was told I was too stoic and therefore not credible. Both times I had visible injuries and a documented history of DV with recorded evidence. Police don't have the necessary training to intervene, as we've seen often in true crime cases like Gabby Petito who was on video with police and eyewitnesses, but was told she was too emotional or that it was even her own fault. Two weeks later she was murdered by her partner. Police now suggest she was the abuser (?!)

I'm not saying it's easier for men, or easier for women. It's not easy for anyone to report, especially if they don't have thousands of dollars in savings. These cases will ultimately be referred to family law and they're very expensive.

It's not always an intimate partner. I know men who are abused by their mothers, and women who are abused by perfect strangers.

Advocacy and awareness are the key.

I have no bias toward men or women.
My brother was abused by his second wife who tried to poison him.
I was SA by women (and men) myself.

I have empathy for all people, and I promote equality.
That's what feminism means.

belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests

I'm sorry about what you had to go through Isabella, and you too TwilightPrincess.

Feminism:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feminism

I'm so sorry to hear this was happening to you all that time. You were gaslit with psychological abuse, implied physical abuse, and you developed trauma from the relationship, regardless of who was harming you. The common denominator for people in abusive relationships with partners, whether DV or IPV, is that the abused person is rendered helpless for any number of reasons. One of the most damning is that they aren't always believed. That happened to me because of my autism. If I went to police calmly I was dismissed because I was too calm and had a flat affect. If I went to police crying or having a meltdown from fear, they said I was hysterical. I couldn't go to a shelter because I owned the house and couldn't surrender it to them as an asset. Police wouldn't evict them unless I paid lawyers, which ended up costing me half a million dollars over 25 years.

Sorry to rant about my thing but I want you to know I sympathise. Abused men are often too terrified to report what has happened, and I understand that. You're helpless to defend yourself. I know a 300 pound man who is abused physically and emotionally by his tiny, disabled mother. He won't lift a finger to fight back because of the size and gender difference. He knows police and the law likely won't believe him. My brother's second wife tried to kill him with poisons which were finally detected in hair samples, as he grew increasingly ill and saw a battery of medical specialists who couldn't figure it out. People can be freaking nuts, regardless of their demographic in society. Likewise, all people can be and often are abused.

The take-away here is that it's not your fault and we believe you. You don't need to hide your story behind spoilers for fear of offending anyone. Have you been in touch with any support services for survivors of abuse? Have you talked to your doctor, or anyone, at this point? Doctors need to be confidential so that's a good place to start and they can probably refer you to psychological services or even victims' services in your area.

Here are some links to WP threads on this topic, and some for domestic violence support for all people, including men.

You've taken that first step of speaking out, and now you know you aren't alone.

Big hugs, and keep us informed of how you're doing.



viewtopic.php?f=35&t=401564&p=8928966&hilit=PTSD+men%27s+sexual+assault#p8928966


viewtopic.php?f=3&t=398728&hilit=Autistic+Men


https://www.thehotline.org/resources/me ... abuse-too/


https://www.gabbypetitofoundation.org/


https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abus ... abused.htm

There is definitely a stigma for men in regards to discussing this kind of thing, especially with authorities.

Very true definition. I think the problem today though is that there's people confusing feminism with things like misandry (the hatred of men) or philogny (the obsessive admiration of women). Both these ways of thinking are very harmful to what feminism is really about.

Like the way I see it the things feminism wants to dismantle are also things that hurt men as well.

It’s not easy for women either. That is a common misconception.