How do you deal with being silenced when you are right?

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__Elijahahahaho
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30 Apr 2024, 4:15 pm

Many times i say a logical thing that is somehow offensive, odd, maybe edgy but right.
Sometimes the response, particularly from groups is to ignore me, or tell me I am silly.

Trouble is when it is for semi-serious stuff concerning myself and
I am proposing a practical solution they do the same thing.

Eventually you start to stop trying to speak up, and it just crushes you inside.

THe worst is when people say things like "well why didnt you say so", "WHy didnt you just ask"?

I cannot simply interact with myself. I need some small recognition and people to
think with me in my ideas.

ugh



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30 Apr 2024, 4:25 pm

Humor lubricates interactions.

If you can cultivate a dry humor then you might be able to speak up more often...because you're amusing.

P.S. I don't know if there are cultural reasons it would not work in Germany.


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__Elijahahahaho
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30 Apr 2024, 4:43 pm

Not a bad idea..
well I interact with a diverse bunch many of whom are very sarcastic themselves.



lostonearth35
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30 Apr 2024, 4:51 pm

Today I left a comment on YouTube saying how you've got to love all the transphobic moral panic happening right now, it's like when people said rock and roll is the devil's music. And then I thought, "Oh no, I'm in for it now, I had an opinion". But I don't really care.



__Elijahahahaho
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30 Apr 2024, 4:59 pm

Yeah, thats part of it, online silencing can be pretty harsh, and there are a lot of nutcase trolls online also.



DarkTrader999
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30 Apr 2024, 5:13 pm

If you are helping them make money or solve a problem they will eventually start coming to you for help and you will feel a lot better. Focus your comments on making it constructive after it pops out of your mouth. The problem is it pops out before you can edit it. So get good at thinking of how to redirect in a helpful way. And if it is really bad then just explain that you are autistic. :nerdy:



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30 Apr 2024, 6:22 pm

In my experience most people aren't very patient, and will readily switch off or change the subject.



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30 Apr 2024, 6:35 pm

__Elijahahahaho wrote:
How do you deal with being silenced when you are right?
Malicious Compliance, for one.

"Shut up and do as you were told!" . . . okay, boss; I will do exactly that, and nothing more.  So, because I was told to get out of the way of a delivery truck, it promptly sheared off the roof of its "box" section on a nearby overhang.

"I don't wanna hear your excuses!  Your hours are from 07:00 to 12:00 and 13:00 to 17:00, Monday through Friday only!" . . . okay, boss; I will work exactly those hours. This means I stop showing up early, answering my phone during lunch break, or working overtime and weekends.  My phone will also be shut off during weekends and holidays, and any time I am not 'on the clock'.  (Good luck meeting your deadlines.)


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IsabellaLinton
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30 Apr 2024, 6:41 pm

I sued them.


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bee33
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30 Apr 2024, 8:53 pm

If you know that the things you say can come off as offensive, odd, or edgy, can you change that aspect of what you say to show that you are sincere and that you mean what you say? People may come to assume that you are saying something meant to be edgy even when you are not, so you may be creating this expectation for them.



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30 Apr 2024, 9:07 pm

bee33 wrote:
If you know that the things you say can come off as offensive, odd, or edgy, can you change that aspect of what you say to show that you are sincere and that you mean what you say? People may come to assume that you are saying something meant to be edgy even when you are not, so you may be creating this expectation for them.
OR . . . there are some people who will act offended with me because they do not like me, because they are having a bad day, or because playing the victim is their primary personality trait.

So what?

I am responsible only for my own words and actions -- not their emotions or feelings -- and if someone cannot handle truthful answers to their questions, then that is their problem, and not mine.


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bee33
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30 Apr 2024, 10:53 pm

Fnord wrote:
bee33 wrote:
If you know that the things you say can come off as offensive, odd, or edgy, can you change that aspect of what you say to show that you are sincere and that you mean what you say? People may come to assume that you are saying something meant to be edgy even when you are not, so you may be creating this expectation for them.
OR . . . there are some people who will act offended with me because they do not like me, because they are having a bad day, or because playing the victim is their primary personality trait.

So what?

I am responsible only for my own words and actions -- not their emotions or feelings -- and if someone cannot handle truthful answers to their questions, then that is their problem, and not mine.

I was responding to the OP, who says that he needs some recognition and rapport.



angelsonthemoon
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01 May 2024, 12:12 am

It reminds me of the phrase "your truth". Few truths are completely objective. Even if a detail is objectively true, people can disagree on context or relevance to the wider picture. Everyone frames things in their own ways. Truth is like a buffet, everyone chooses what seems right to them.



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01 May 2024, 9:43 am

It all depends.

You might have been too blunt.

Or...you might have been talking to someone who outranks you in the company...and speaking to them as if they were your equal (or gave the impression that you were talking down to them)...which can offend even if what you said was right ...and they shoulda heeded you.



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01 May 2024, 6:17 pm

Disclaimer: Not my story, but I think it's appropriate . . .

Reason-to-celebrate wrote:
You want me to shut up...OK!

This happened when I was in high school, so it's very much like a teen drama but bear with me (excuse my grammar, I am not a native speaker).

I was assigned to do a presentation with a girl.  She was the stereotypical popular and mean girl and I was more like the alternative type.  She and her group never messed with me too much because I had a strong personality and my own friends so I never really cared about their opinions about me but they were really mean to other people.

She didn't want to meet to organize the presentation so I ended up doing everything by myself and I explained to her what she needed to say.

When the presentation started her part was first ... at some point she said something wrong so I politely intervened to kind of rectify what she said (I wanted a good grade so I was really polite to make it sound like part of the presentation) ... but She was furious and she said that "that's what she meant" and she didn't need my help because she knew everything perfectly and I should just shut up ... all this in the middle of the presentation in front of the class while her friends where nodding and agreeing with her.

Cue the Malicious Compliance

I was really surprised and felt bad so I just stood there but when it was my turn to talk I decided to keep standing there with a poker face without opening my mouth.  After a couple of seconds or maybe a minute everyone started realizing what was going on and (fortunately) my teacher was really fast and he said "well, you told her to shut up so I guess you'll need to continue with the presentation" ... I still remember her red face.

Of course, the presentation was awful and everyone was laughing (tbh I was dying inside) and we got a low mark ... I didn't mind at the end because I was a good student so my other assignments saved me but she had to attend summer school.  Oh she was upset!  But it totally worth it...



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utterly absurd
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01 May 2024, 7:34 pm

Fnord wrote:
Disclaimer: Not my story, but I think it's appropriate . . .

Reason-to-celebrate wrote:
You want me to shut up...OK!

This happened when I was in high school, so it's very much like a teen drama but bear with me (excuse my grammar, I am not a native speaker).

I was assigned to do a presentation with a girl.  She was the stereotypical popular and mean girl and I was more like the alternative type.  She and her group never messed with me too much because I had a strong personality and my own friends so I never really cared about their opinions about me but they were really mean to other people.

She didn't want to meet to organize the presentation so I ended up doing everything by myself and I explained to her what she needed to say.

When the presentation started her part was first ... at some point she said something wrong so I politely intervened to kind of rectify what she said (I wanted a good grade so I was really polite to make it sound like part of the presentation) ... but She was furious and she said that "that's what she meant" and she didn't need my help because she knew everything perfectly and I should just shut up ... all this in the middle of the presentation in front of the class while her friends where nodding and agreeing with her.

Cue the Malicious Compliance

I was really surprised and felt bad so I just stood there but when it was my turn to talk I decided to keep standing there with a poker face without opening my mouth.  After a couple of seconds or maybe a minute everyone started realizing what was going on and (fortunately) my teacher was really fast and he said "well, you told her to shut up so I guess you'll need to continue with the presentation" ... I still remember her red face.

Of course, the presentation was awful and everyone was laughing (tbh I was dying inside) and we got a low mark ... I didn't mind at the end because I was a good student so my other assignments saved me but she had to attend summer school.  Oh she was upset!  But it totally worth it...



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To all teachers out there: PLEASE do not make your students do group projects. If you do, please have them do the project in class and pay attention to how much work each student is doing so you can give each group member separate grades if necessary, or at least allow students to choose their own groups.
It is EXTREMELY stressful and demoralizing for a hardworking student to have to do an entire project on their own because they were assigned a partner who doesn't give a s**t about school and will never do their half of the project. To have to either get a bad grade despite trying their absolute hardest due to someone else they had no control over, or to watch someone else get a good grade without doing anything at all.
This sends the message to hardworking students that they will never be able to work in a group--because they couldn't convince a phone-addicted teenage goofoff to do actual work. (I don't mean any offense to teenagers here; this is just referring to certain teenagers.)
At a job, however, people WILL do their half of the work, and if they don't they will risk being fired (and they will realize this due to their fully developed prefrontal cortices). Even in college people tend to care more because they are paying directly out the nostrils to be there.
As someone who has had this experience countless times, I know this does far more harm than good. It sickens me to think how many students are put through this deeply distressing and discouraging experience each year because teachers actually think it will help them.
Sorry for the rant; I know it's not really related to the topic but I just wanted to say this in response to the previous post.


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