Talking about queerplatonic relationships

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SpiritCreeper
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07 May 2024, 3:18 pm

Hi! A while back I met this boy. I'll call him Peter for convenience, but that's not his actual name. We've been friends for a while, and I have noticed a change in how I feel about him. The attraction feels more than a friendship, but not romantic or sexual.
I'm not sure how to talk to him about this, since I doubt that he knows much about queerplatonic relationships. Does anyone have any advice?



funeralxempire
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07 May 2024, 3:21 pm

What makes a queerplatonic relationship different from any other platonic relationship? :scratch:


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SpiritCreeper
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07 May 2024, 3:29 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
What makes a queerplatonic relationship different from any other platonic relationship? :scratch:


I'm not 100% sure, but I have heard that platonic is generally just a frienship while queerplatonic is when it is more than that (e.g. wanting to live together) without it being romantic or inherently sexual. Do the terms mean something else to you?



funeralxempire
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07 May 2024, 3:41 pm

SpiritCreeper wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
What makes a queerplatonic relationship different from any other platonic relationship? :scratch:


I'm not 100% sure, but I have heard that platonic is generally just a frienship while queerplatonic is when it is more than that (e.g. wanting to live together) without it being romantic or inherently sexual. Do the terms mean something else to you?


Personally, I feel like queerplantonic is well within what's already described as platonic so it's not particularly useful.

I don't think moving in with someone of any given gender implies romantic or sexual interest, but also don't see platonic as only including up to a certain level of intimacy, especially given that platonic tends to (at least historically) imply a great degree of intimacy.

I'd also be somewhat concerned about prioritizing jargon vs. just being on the same page with Peter. It doesn't really matter if you and him would use the same label to describe the friendship/relationship, so long as you both have roughly the same understanding.


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MoeTrashPanda
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08 May 2024, 10:18 am

funeralxempire wrote:
SpiritCreeper wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:

I'd also be somewhat concerned about prioritizing jargon vs. just being on the same page with Peter. It doesn't really matter if you and him would use the same label to describe the friendship/relationship, so long as you both have roughly the same understanding.


I agree with what funeralxempire says! I would start with identifying how you may feel about them. From there, you can have a talk with Peter and identify how they may feel about you! Establish boundaries on what you are both looking for in a relationship (talking to/dating other people, living together, physical touch, etc.).

I saw this article that describes queer-platonic relationships really well: https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a4 ... tionships/. A queer-platonic relationship is basically whatever you and Peter want (holding hands, living together, etc. while possibly feeling a lack of romantic attraction!).


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SpiritCreeper
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08 May 2024, 3:58 pm

I really appreciate the advice! :D