Creature Trying to Manage Working and Living ʕ⁠´⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠`⁠ʔ

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Henlo!

I have worked on this subject with my therapist (haven't been to therapy for a few months) for a bit, but wanted to see how fellow neuro-diverse creatures manage life ʕ ´•̥̥̥ ᴥ•̥̥̥`ʔ.

Since starting a full-time job a little over 2 years ago, I have found myself really struggling to balance the different facets of my life (friendships, chores, art, exercise, visiting people, errands, etc.). I find that after work on weekdays, all I really want to do is disconnect my brain and watch TV, play video games, or do art. I neglect my chores until the weekend, and find my weekend involves a lot of deep cleaning, and recuperating from work and cleaning.

I really get stressed about what I call "the cycle of everything." Examples of "the cycle of everything" include:

1. reaching out to friends, then realizing it has been 1-2 weeks without contact and needing to reach out again,
2. doing my extensive list of chores on the weekend, telling myself I will do some small chores on the week days, then having to do it again the next weekend
3. realizing I haven't seen my immediate family for a bit, so having to schedule something there,
4. feeling guilty for not exercising more, do some form of exercise, then feel bad a week later
5. cooking a meal, then realizing I have to do it again in 2 days after I eat my leftovers

I think I need to establish some sort of a routine, but it is hard for me to continuously do things that aren't enjoyable for me (sensory issues with exercise, stress related to family, etc.). My therapist says I should do things more intuitively, but my intuition most of the time after work just tells me to relax on the couch and do nothing productive. I am trying to work on not feeling guilt for my production levels. Most weeks I am okay about not feeling guilty, but when it gets close to menstruation week I am incredibly anxious and insecure about these things.

So, what do you guys do to manage work, friendships, exercise, cooking, and chores? How do you recover after work?
ʕ　·ᴥʔ Thanks in advance for reading!

This is a very belated response to your thread. I saw it and meant to get around to typing up an answer but time slipped away from me, took a break from the website, excuses excuses added here.

I'm very much like you where as soon as I log off of work, I do not want to do anything at all. My energy is sapped away. I just have a few things to ask as well, which I'll add below:

1. reaching out to friends, then realizing it has been 1-2 weeks without contact and needing to reach out again - Are you the one who is constantly reaching out to a friend for communication? Or is it a case where you are responding to something, they send a message, you forget to respond and it is now 2 weeks past the last message? I do the same and...haven't been able to fix it.

2. doing my extensive list of chores on the weekend, telling myself I will do some small chores on the week days, then having to do it again the next weekend - can you write a list of what your chores are?

3. realizing I haven't seen my immediate family for a bit, so having to schedule something there - same thing with the friends. I also know reaching out to family can be hard.

4. feeling guilty for not exercising more, do some form of exercise, then feel bad a week later - What are you doing for exercising? Is it walking around or a full on gym routine?

5. cooking a meal, then realizing I have to do it again in 2 days after I eat my leftovers - If you don't have a crockpot, I suggest getting one. They will be your best friend.

It really is a mental workout to continuously be disciplined and motivated enough to do chores, cook, do that one thing you keep putting off. I'm in more of a routine than I used to be but I still am learning how to navigate my daily life working a 40 hour office job like you.

This is what has worked for me:

1. I let myself sit for a bit and relax from work. Get some water, sit on the couch, let my mind rest for a minute. I have a bit of a time limit on this because I am the one who cooks dinner most of the week and when it gets closer to my bf arriving home, that is when I know it is time for me to get up and prepare dinner. This is about a 30-45 minute break.

2. When I am cooking and am finished, or just finished lunch/dinner, I clean my dishes right away. I will let them soak in the sink for a bit, but I try to clean it whenever I get up from my desk to get water or go to the bathroom. It is easy to do and takes a couple of minutes. I'm also standing for a bit and not sitting at my desk.

3. Delayed gratification. I find that it feels so much better to "hold out" rather than give in to temptation. This is something that I learned when I started my weight loss journey years ago and I held myself out with food. I found that if I do XYZ before doing what I want, I mentally feel better. The chores that need to be done are done, and I no longer have that worry lurking in the corner of my mind.

4. Do you live with a SO? Maybe they can help keep you accountable and GENTLY remind you of the things that need to be done.

5. When you are on your period, your emotions are all over the place. This is incredibly hard but try to give yourself grace. You are not your usual self, you are cramping up, hormones are running all over the place. It's a rough week or so. Do as much as you can.

Totally okay, no need to explain yourself! I never expect a response on any of my threads--we are all busy people with our own lives to live! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my thread, and to give some advice/share your own experience. It really is helpful. I will respond to your questions below.



Definitely the second part--I feel like too many people are in my inbox waiting for a response, so it takes me a few days to respond sometimes. If it's someone I don't want to talk to very much it will take upwards of weeks to respond. I get the task aversion feelings that is commonly associated with ADHD (which I am diagnosed with) when this happens. This has been getting better as I've put things into perspective and come to appreciate some people reaching out or have recognized my feelings of uncomfort towards other people. I feel very grateful that I have so many people that want to be in my life, but it also feels overwhelming when old work friends, online friends, old friends from high school, my close circle of friends, and family, etc. all want my time and attention (oh nooo what a problem to have--too many people like me /sarcasm).

I really struggle to initiate conversations with my friends because I would prefer to relax and stay off my phone after work/people reach out to me first, which makes me feel like a bad friend! I am usually the one responding to people reaching out. Luckily most of my friends are understanding--though they will poke at me and say "where have you been?!" or "haven't heard from you in a while."

I find it easy to make posts and respond to people on Wrong Planet because I do most of it at work on my work computer when I don't have any tasks. I try to do this with responding to friends, and will reply on my phone at lunch/breaks sometimes.



Absolutely. My therapist has told me I should only put around three tasks on a list at a time to avoid task overwhelm (blegh, I want to see a huge list of EVERY chore please ).

Here are the chores that I absolutely MUST do (and succeed for the most part because of the importance):
1. Laundry for the week (my clean clothes go into a huge pile in my closet ughhhh) - Saturday/Sundays
2. Kitty litter box - Saturday/Sundays
a. accompanied with sweeping kitty litter/debris off all the hard wood in the apartment.
3. Dishes - Saturday/Sundays
4. Animal care (feeding/watering lizards, fish, cats, and tarantulas) - Daily
5. Pick up trash, and empty room/bathroom trashes, and take big bags of trash to dumpster - Saturday/Sundays

Here are the chores that I want to complete over the week days to make my weekends easier/make me feel less gross and uncomfortable in my environment (I have huuuuge sensory issues surrounding my environment and spaces). These are the ones that usually end up being completed once every 1 - 4 weeks on the weekends along with my necessity weekend chores listed above:

1. Clean bathroom (unclog shower/sink occasionally since I have long hair)
2. Clean sheets
3. Sweep and mop (keep up on sweeping during the week)
4. Dishes (keep up on dishes during the week)
5. Animal cage/tank cleaning (gets done when it looks dirty, but I wish I was more consistent)
6. Hair wash/shower - Saturdays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays (this gets always gets done because I have sensory issues with sweat and smell).
7. Food prep for the week/or cooking a meal to last me a couple days during the week days
8. Water plants more often (we have killed so many plants because of our neglectful tendencies)
9. Put away my dang laundry
10. Grocery shop (partner and I are trying to go every week)



I currently stand for about half of my day at work, try to go on 15 minute walks at 2:00pm every day at work, and have started implementing a gym work out every Tuesday and Thursday. The gym I go to has a 30 minute quick workout station with equipment and blocks. I just started doing this and will meet my dad at the gym to have some accountability. This makes me feel better to have a routine in place. I am doing more than I was previously, so I am proud of this progress.



So true! I absolutely love my pressure cooker and air fryer. They are life savers. I also buy a lot of frozen fruits and veggies, because fresh veggies will either be eaten immediately OR go to waste in the fridge. Partner and I have been trying to be more consistent with grocery shopping to avoid eating out.

I will DEFINITELY pull out our pressure cooker and crockpot more often. We have them! We just struggle to find the motivation sometimes to actually use it! I need to be very mindful with my planning, and am slowly getting better at this and finding easy meals to last me a couple of days.



SERIOUSLY! How do people have children and do this every single day for the rest of their lives? Glad to know there are other people who relate. ʕ´•ᴥ•`ʔ



I really like this idea! I think I work in the opposite--I have to do my tasks IMMEDIATELY after getting home before taking off my clothes, because as soon as I am in my jammies I am in turn off brain mode (unless I have a plan I am looking forward to that evening). I feel really gross being in my work clothes, so the first thing I usually do is change (unless I am in a comfy dress and have DnD later in the day). I've found that at 6:00pm I am able to do things (I get home from work at 4:00pm). We have DnD Wednesdays at 6:00pm, and my workouts are at 6:00pm. Maybe 6:00pm should just be my chore/getting stuff done time! I really like this idea and am going to try it!! Hadn't thought of this before seeing your response!! !



Oh my god you are so much stronger than I am. That is a great idea. My partner and I have said we will do this so many times but always fail. I will bring it up to them again today and hopefully we can be more consistent! If anything, we could at least try the 6:00pm thing and try to do our dishes for the day at 6:00pm.



Oh my god SAME! I literally cannot concentrate on relaxing or anything until I have completed my chores on the weekend.



Yes! My partner (27 Non-binary) is wonderful and holds me gently accountable with things. The problem we have encountered is they also have ASD/ADHD and so we both struggle to do chores on our week days (they too struggle with the brain outage after work). My partner has Wednesday/Thursdays off work whereas I have Saturdays/Sundays off so it is nice that our big chores (dishes, kitty litter, trash, etc.) get done on Wednesday/Thursday AND Saturday/Sunday. They will definitely be hearing about this post, and I guarantee they will be willing to hold me and themselves accountable for a 6:00pm chore session.

Have you ever heard of body doubling? It's super helpful for some ND people to have a buddy doing tasks (even if it's not the same task, and no talking is occurring) at the same time. We like to try this when we both have the motivation.



Thank you for your validation. My partner and I both have autism/ADHD and were both assigned female at birth, so we really struggle with our periods. I am so grateful to have them in my life because we support each other so much through these biological stressors. I've read articles about how ND people often experience a much harder time than NT people during menstruation due to the hormones, sensory issues with smell/feel/pain, and emotional regulation issues. This is the hand we were dealt so we have to deal with it. I appreciate someone else acknowledging the struggles!

Again, thank you for taking the time to read my post, and to give such a thorough and helpful response. I am very grateful to have your advice and tips. It gave me some new perspective, and some new routine ideas that I am excited to implement! There's no pressure to respond to this in a timely manner, or at all for that matter. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

Hang in there! We are creatures living in a NT world. We can survive!

I'm a bit busy atm so I will try to give you a more through response when I have time, I just wanted to word vomit this out while it was on my mind.

A note on the crockpot and frozen food: One of my favorite things is to get skinless chicken breast, white onion, and whatever kind of salsa you like. I add all of that and cook it for 8ish hours. When it's done, I add cheese, green onion, whatever I have lying around as toppings. Very easy meal. Look up some recipes that you can make that will cook for about 8ish hours. That way when you are home, you can get a plate and have dinner ready. You can also have leftovers.

Do NOT get those plastic cooking bags, they're not great and are more of a hassle to deal with imo. I'm adding a chore, but it's much better to clean out the pot than to use those cooking bags.

I love purchasing a bag of the frozen California blend of veggies - cauliflower, broccoli and carrots. I toss them in the oven with some olive oil and seasonings, let them roast and you have a side or a meal. One of my favorite pairings is the frozen veggies and boxed mac n cheese combo. Not the exact healthiest or made from scratch but it is a decent dinner. Any kind of one pot + pan meal is super easy for me to make.

OHH great idea!

I do the same--I like to create meals that use only one pot. I hate dealing with 20 dishes after making a meal! I am pescatarian (only eat veggies/fruit/dairy/eggs/fish), and my partner is a meat eater, but they are very very good about making lots of veggies/making their meats on the side so we can share.

I've found a super easy crock pot/pressure cooker recipe is chili! I will chop up sweet potatoes or potatoes, add some canned mushrooms, canned tomatoes, canned beans, frozen peas, frozen cauliflower, and whatever else I may have on hand (carrots, spinach, etc.) with a bunch of seasonings. For like 4 months I was making a huge batch of chili EVERY week. I unfortunately got burnt out of chili and haven't made it since (this was like almost a year ago).

Omg I love doing veggies and boxed pasta mixes! I will make those boxed rice mix meals with the cheesy packets and add frozen cauliflower/broccoli and peas to them. I feel like as long as it is nourishing and makes you feel good to eat, then it's totally okay if it's not the healthiest.

I think I need to actually pull the old girl out and cook something with her. It's been a while since I've cooked with my pressure cooker (she's been so neglected!). I am properly inspired now =3

I find it helpful to try and identify the difference between tiredness and lack of motivation. If you are genuinely exhausted after your day at work, then in my opinion it’s always best to rest and do something enjoyable, unless the chore is absolutely 100% necessary

If instead of being exhausted, you just lack motivation to get started, then I find it helpful to break down tasks into 10 minute blocks. For example, for doing the dishes, you might have a 10 minute block of just washing glassware, then a 10 minute block of washing pans etc. I am not diagnosed with ADHD but I suspect I might have it, and I find breaking things down into small focussed chunks to be very helpful.

I also like to indulge in my hobbies while cleaning: I listen to music, TV, movies, audiobook etc. through wireless headphones.

That's something I haven't thought about. I think it's definitely a motivation thing. I do feel tired sometimes after a stressful day. I think I will need to revisit this idea and try to implement breaking tasks into small chunks in my 6:00pm chores, and even my normal weekend chores! I feel so burnt out when I do a bunch of tasks without any breaks.



Same same same! I am always listening to my audiobooks when I do chores. Thanks for the tips and advice, and for reading this thread! It is very much appreciated. I am absolutely going to do 10 minute chores. This could even transfer to exercising! 10 minutes of chores and exercise is better than no chores and exercise! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

^ sounds like a good plan to extend it to exercise too! Glad I could help