How do you handle loneliness?

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I know a lot of people on the spectrum value their alone time, but that doesn't mean one doesn't also feel lonely, I don't think. I guess some might and some might not.

For me, though it's stressful to be around people I don't know very well and make conversation, I don't like to be alone. Ideally I would be at home (or out, sometimes) with my partner. That's what I've done in the past. I feel very lucky to have a wonderful partner now but we haven't been together that long and we don't live together, so I only see him sometimes and I feel very lonely much of the time. I do talk or text with him every day and I also talk on the phone most days with my sister and another friend who lives far away. So I have more connection than many people do. And still, it feels hard and I struggle.

(Because I have chronic fatigue I'm not able to take on distractions, which I think would help, like working on projects or going out to events very much.)

How do you handle this?

I made friends online and found a few people who were very similar to me. We often sent messages to each other.

I often try to distract myself with special interests, but it is hard sometimes.

It's not easy. A fascinating special interest or two can soften pangs of loneliness a lot if there's anything suitable. Another way is to simply contact friends and suggest meeting up. Occasionally somebody will agree. One or two things like that going on is a lot better than nothing. Sometimes just associating with another person can lead to friendship with their friends.

As I'm a musician, I often use music to open social doors. Somehow it's easier to say "let's play some music together" than it is to say "let's meet up." Once when I was feeling pretty isolated I just turned up out of the blue at an amateur music performing club that I knew about vaguely, and I ended up being involved with that for about 5 years. It was very hard for me to take that first step, but after that it went pretty smoothly. I guess any strong interest could be used - just find an open group who are pursuing it, go there, and see what happens.

Of course as soon as you start associating with people, whatever social impairments you have may be brought to the surface. So it can be a more challenging way of life than it would be alone, but if you want to play the social game, you have to take on social responsibilities.

I find it’s possible to feel connections with books, and characters within books. Often these are deeper connections than you can feel with casual friendships, and this can help with loneliness. This is because a well written book will sensitively explore interactions and emotions that are rarely touched upon in mundane day to day life

It find it can be hard to find a book that’s really on my wavelength though, so when I find one that resonates with me it’s a rare treat.

The only time I've ever felt absolutely alone in my life has been when I've been at absolute rock bottom and I've realised that I've got absolutely not one single person in this world who can help me

Fortunately for me though I'm quite resourceful so I usually can find some way of dragging myself out of it

It's really sad I know

I've got my daughter who is now an adult so she does take a bit of the weight off

I've been alone all my life. I don't know if it's me who drifts in and out of people's lives or if it's the other way round but I told to stay on my own and most of the time I don't feel lonely

When I feel “lonely”, I bury myself in my research projects. Doing so distracts me to the point that I no longer care that I am alone. It is the pure pursuit of knowledge that makes me feel alive. Yet when I am around others in social situations, I never feel this way. Sure, I am not alone in those places, but my purpose is stunted by those around me. I cannot think the same way as I do alone.

I generally only feel loneliness in relation to other people. If I see a strong male friendship on TV or in film (example: the Get Back documentary) I become aware that's something missing from my life and I envy it. I go to festivals sometimes and I'm usually good for 2 days then on the third day I become aware that everyone is in groups of friends and I'm alone. Most of the time I prefer my own company.

I usually combat it by seeking out books or music or films that suggest to me that the people who made it understand how difficult it can be to connect with other people. I take some comfort from that.

I think that there is a general confusion between the need to be alone and feeling loneliness.
We are generally introvert and we need to be alone to recharge. Our social battery is small. Mine is often empty at the end of my work day.
We usually don't like small talk, we want meaningful interactions.
Until my diagnosis, I thought that I could not have friends. I was the weirdo. Nobody could really understand me. After starting to interact with ND people, I became addicted to that feeling, until I realised that I was accepting everything just to talk to someone. I had people that looked for me to talk about their problems. I was happy to be there for them. But they were almost never available to listen to me. I had an exhausting time at work, and nobody reached out.
So, I went back to the old method: numbing myself with work and trying to interact with someone on some social media

I try to find something that absorbs me completely.
Lately I've been messing about with digital art.

I don't. I've honestly never personally experienced loneliness; my issue was never being able to get enough solitude. I'm that stereotypical autistic loner. I never had any desire for friendships, I thought I did when I was younger but in reality I just wanted someone to lecture to about my special interests. When I was told that is NOT what a friend is for, I'm like, "Okay, so why do I need them so bad then?"

My mom wanted to homeschool me from the beginning but was brainwashed by social workers and psychologists that told her I "needed" to go to a traditional school so I could learn how to socialize and make friends. I kept asking my mom why I needed to go to school and she said "So you can make new friends". I told her "But I don't want friends" she said, "Yes you do. Everyone wants friends...even mean 'ol boys". I DID NOT want friends but no one would believe me. Sometimes I wonder if I truly am autistic and don't just have some version of schizoid personality disorder. But can't answer your question beucase I've never experienced it.

I discovered that gender makes a difference.

As a short Asian guy I often got ignored. But, presenting as an attractive petite Asian woman everyone wants to talk to me! Thus, if you are female, it less likely that you will feel lonely than if you are male.

Ten years of living alone after being married for fifteen I haven't been lonely!

There was a time when I wanted to get together again to have a better relationship a 2nd time, the classic rebound relationship. But, this didn't have anything with being lonely.

It seems a lot of people believe this but in my experience women can feel just as lonely as men regardless of how good looking they are, or how many people speak to them.

In response to the OP I don't feel lonely very often if at all. I remember one instance back in the 80s during undergrad but that's about it. I'm quite happy to be on my own as much as possible.

my social life "is" the internet. I do very poorly one to one face to face or in "real time" texting, messaging, etc. My processing is quite slow because I don't "get" much that is said or done in real time. Instead, reading and writing are my best skills and the computer/internet is the best format for me to really understand. I joined interest groups on the internet to talk about subjects I love, and found many like minded individuals. As we interacted on the pages, we grew to know each other and some of us tried very small gatherings to do interest related stuff together. That worked for some and for others, I knew I wanted to avoid more contact. Those who I was able to handle have been handy a few times a year to meet and do interest related things together. There is no intense emotional stuff, it is all information sharing and learning about our interest, comparing insights, etc. That is enough for me. I think I need far less "social" interaction and am information seeking/ information sharing as my primary approach to interactions with others. Many NT expect to share emotions and I believe the best friendships for me have been ones where emotional stuff is left behind and the focus is on the interest/s we have in common. I think it will be different for each of us.
Hope you find what you need!

My loneliness is so severe it's actually crippling. I just feel the hurt. There is nothing else I can do about it.

Books
Movies
Music
WP
Family
Sometimes “traditional” social activities.
Sometimes just “sit with it”