Always scared

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I have constant, low-level anxiety most of the time. I tend to feel worse at night and have a lot of nightmares and panic attacks. In some ways, I’m better now than when I was a kid because I understand how and why I feel the way that I do. When I was young, stuff like hearing an ambulance siren would give me a panic attack. Probably a lot of that is related to my safety needs not being met.

I find that I'm simply not self sufficient. I need to have people in my life to rely on in order to feel safe. And I do have them, but it's not enough. And how can I make myself a burden on someone that way? I had my best friend of 40 years who I thought I would always be able to count on and who was the ground beneath my feet and he threw me overboard two-plus years ago, and I have felt panicked ever since.

I'm not sufficient or self-sufficient either, despite the fact I've raised kids alone. In my case I'm scared and anxious all the time but that includes being anxious to depend on another person fully. I've been hurt and disappointed by everyone in my life except my dad (deceased) and my current partner. I'm scared of needing him so much that something will go wrong and I'll be traumatized again, so I'd rather just not depend. It's easier to have a lowkey life and muddle through the hard parts independently than it is to make myself vulnerable again. Everyone's different but that's how it is for me.

I've tried to make my life as low key as I can, but there's always something to deal with. I need to have some repairs done on my house and it's overwhelming. I have no choice but to muddle through but it's taking a great toll.

I can relate to that very much. It's daunting to be at the mercy of tradespeople but just making the phone calls or having strangers in the house (and paying them) or figuring out all the steps involved is overwhelming. I already listed those things in the wrong order because of poor EF lol. Then there's the "get three quotes" nonsense with each thing too. I never do that because it's hard enough to get one quote and evaluate it.

If it helps maybe you could have a thread about the process so you can vent?

Thanks for the thought but talking about it only makes me more anxious.

Uh Oh... Autistic burn out ,, rears its ugly head again.. but how to get away from it .? Tried SOOOO many different , self help, supplements,meditation...,,,wish , I could remember this everytime am in the process of getting overwelmed.

^^^ Thank you ^^^^
once in a great while , I can get caught up on rest and stuff......It seems, i just get caught up in trying to finish stuff, so I might make it to a rest period, But I keep doing this over and over as stuff keeps coming up,, until its melt down time.

I'm not sure if scared is the right word for me but I tend to be in fight mode quite often

I'm learning to not be this way and to just chill out a bit

Overcoming ones ownself can be a pain in the brain