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Hey folks,

I'm a mid 40's father and my son, who is 11, was diagnosed with high functioning autism about 5 years ago. Over time my wife and I have stressed and worried about certain milestone events during his life so far, but he has overcome much and done well at most things. Moreover, after learned more about autism I feel it my be a genetic condition affecting not only my son but other family members as well, perhaps even myself. I've been looking for something like wrong planet, a community that centered around overcoming and dealing with obstacles present in neurodivergency.

Thanks!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP!

I was diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild), with a note that I also satisfied the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome, in 2019. Perhaps the same year your son was diagnosed? I was 64, though, so I was little older than him.

When I was about his age bullies were becoming a problem for me. I did OK in school but much better on the standardized tests. And I was pretty well-behaved, if I say so myself.

It helped that I had younger siblings who were NOT Autistic and therefore were more "entertaining" for my parents than I was (sometimes not in good ways). Since I wasn't causing problems my siblings needed more attention than I did.

The rest of you might enjoy the AQ Test. It is a quick, easy and unofficial way to check for Autism traits.

Oh, regarding "obstacles present in neurodivergency"...with the benefit of hindsight I would say the biggest obstacle was living in a world designed and populated by Allistics. Sort of like living on the Wrong Planet.

P.S. I was born and raised in Pennsylvania. I think highly of it.

Njordktl, welcome to wrong planet.

You wrote that your son has been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I have that condition also. But it goes by another name, Asperger's Syndrome or Aspie for short. I am 75 years old and have lived a good life. I didn't realize I had this condition until about 5 years ago. So what advice can I give you.

According to data, this condition is hereditary and you may find characteristics within your immediate family.

This condition is not necessarily a negative trait. Most people have +s and -s, things they do well at and things that they do poorly at. But Aspies are different. We have ++s and --s. And some of us are off the charts with +++++s and -----s. The best approach for us is to use our ++s to overcome our --s. Many people are not even aware of their +s. So try and figure out your son's unique skills.

In general, we find country living to be more agreeable then residing in large cities.

Another thing is make sure your son gets basic skill such as karate or boxing so that he can defend himself. As boys turn into men, they learn to join together and attack Aspies. Your son is at this age and he may be harmed at school and you as parents may not even see this taking place.

Many Aspies experience stress. Stress builds and builds and builds until it explodes. But there is a method for reducing stress. I believe there are two things that remove stress.
#1 Sleep. There are different phases to sleep. The two most important phases are called Deep NREM and REM sleep. In general, if he is able to get around a total of 2 hours of this type of sleep each night, he should do fine.
#2 Exercise. Strenuous exercise can remove stress buildup. I am 75 years old, and I generally walk a mile up and down a steep hill each day. Sometimes I swim. I can swim a mile.

Thanks so much for the welcome posts. I assume a large portion of the WP community has gone through or is going through the gradual revelatory path of diagnosis/acceptance/adjustment/growth etc. This morning I want to ask your opinions on careers for men with ASD/ADHD. My son isn't even a teenager yet, but when we discuss adult life as a family we tell him you only need to decide how to make enough money to live the way you want to live. Moreover, I tell him (in my opinion) he should stick to STEM because he naturally gravitates to it and that unlike people numbers never lie.

Thoughts?

Find out what he's good at and interested in, then see if there is a living there.

STEM is fine for some. But suppose he's into writing, mechanics, carpentry, etc? Wants to be a librarian or an accountant?

I did not have a lot of self-initiative on some things. He might be complacent, too. Perhaps you can gently and politely help him to try stuff.

...and, when it is time, help him find a car, a place to live, etc. Don't be forceful, just helpful.

STEM is a common abbreviation for four closely connected areas of study: science, technology, engineering and mathematics.

There are many career paths. I would probably place myself in STEM category. I graduated with a degree in Physics from UCLA and worked as an Engineer for 40 years before I retired. One of my daughters became a Electrical Engineer and Biomedical Engineer and a housewife. The younger daughter became a medical doctor and housewife.

Some things from my early youth...which he may be too old for...and might not work anyways...but perhaps you could try:

- Apparently my parents noticed I did not look people in the eyes when I was talking to them. So they told me it was polite to look at people when I'm talking to them...and now I do. However, I was not told to look in their eyes and I don't do that. Maybe you could tell your son (gently and in a friendly manner) that it is polite to look in people's eyes when talking to them. Um...or something along those lines...I don't actually know what you're supposed to do (but I do look at people and it seems to usually pass).

- My father did not think young children should swear. Many years later my mother said he said it sounded like "H***". I was taught (gently and in a friendly manner) to not swear...and I still do not swear. Note that I am rapidly approaching my 70th birthday, that I lived in college dorms for more than a year, and did four years on active duty in the military...and to this day I still do not swear.

- And not a lesson from my parents but rather a typical Aspie trait they nurtured...I am honest.

- And a lesson I stumbled upon in my 40's, which I cannot vouch for but I think is true: Girls are people. It was not until I stopped thinking of girls as prospects and just decided to be friendly that I found my future bride.

I suspect your son might still be at a malleable young age when you can shape him.

I'll wish you luck on that because I think that would be good luck for him. But, do things in a gentle and friendly manner...you don't want him to decide you're being mean and should be disobeyed.

welcome, learn all you can, ask questions, glad you found us!

Welcome to WP

Seek and ye shall find! Welcome to WP!