Are ruthless guys more attractive than kind, good guys?

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chris1989
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29 Aug 2024, 9:01 am

I am somebody who likes to think of myself as being kind and polite, doing things like giving up a seat or a bench for someone else like an elder, and opening a door for a lady or allowing her to go first before me.

But I sometimes think is that one of the reasons I haven't met someone and also think to myself that some women are attracted to guys who are more stern and ruthless than me. When I say ruthless, I don't really mean lacking compassion or pity for others, I mean men who will get angry when they want what they want or get their way as though it will make progress in life or some guys come across as a bit gangsterish and thinks it's okay to use force when necessary even in front of women. I seem to think I see that with teenagers in groups. I makes me sometimes feel like I'm a "Muppet" when I see these people. I don't really think I want to be a ruthless person. I can get angry sometimes but I don't want to come across that way all the time otherwise I seem to think that is not attractive to people.



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29 Aug 2024, 1:47 pm

Some women like more ruthless men and some like nice, gentle good guys. I think the best thing you can do is being true to who you are and be the best possilbe version of that kind of man.


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Carbonhalo
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29 Aug 2024, 2:49 pm

Don't start me off about not making it onto anyone's threat matrix.



IsabellaLinton
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29 Aug 2024, 3:01 pm

I like men who have a healthy heaping of ruth.


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funeralxempire
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29 Aug 2024, 3:06 pm

Teenagers aren't really a good place to make observations that apply to the adult world. Children and teenagers are often pretty antisocial compared to adults and they tolerate a higher degree of antisocial behaviour. Behaviour that might lead to approving gossip as a child or teen will often lead to disapproving, protective gossip as an adult.

That doesn't mean there aren't emotionally immature adults, or adults for whom such behaviour remains normalized to, only that they're less common. Those circles tend to be more approving of more ignorant behaviour, but they require a higher tolerance of being subjected to ignorant behaviour and a higher willingness to use violence and threat of violence as a means of resolving disputes (in particular after being subjected to 'disrespect'/ignorant behaviour).

With that in mind, there's a difference between being kind and being a pushover. Being a pushover is widely seen as unattractive in general and particularly in men due to gender norms.


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29 Aug 2024, 4:34 pm

This is totally off topic but I love the way British people use "Muppet" it's so cute. You're adorable. I'm sorry.

Anyway, like BillyTree said, women are individuals and like different things. Also, like funeralxempire said, teenagers are a terrible reference point. Unless you are one. Which I'm pretty sure you're not. There's no point in reiterating either of those statements.

All of the kind and polite things that you listed you do are really sweet. I think you're a great person. However, they're also tiny one-off interactions. Most people won't see them as a pattern and part of your personality until they get to know you better. So it's unlikely that would be the reason someone would be attracted to you immediately? Kindness is very important, and I think most people want a kind partner, but most people are either attracted by looks or they're attracted to how being around that person makes them feel. In your example the teenage girls might be with the more "ruthless" teenage boys because being with them is exciting, or she feels special if he treats her more softly than he treats anyone else, or something else. It depends on the girl. Or they could just think they're hot. But, anyway, they're attracted to them for a reason and it's probably not the one you're ascribing here. People aren't simple or binary, and teenage girls are especially complicated because they're still learning who they are and how the world works.



cyberdad
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29 Aug 2024, 4:40 pm

I don't think ruthlessness is in itself a very attractive quality to anyone. However, men who use their rutheless streak to succeed inevitably become attractive. that I am afraid is the law of the land.



Pink Zeppelin
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02 Sep 2024, 10:42 pm

Some women do like bad boys. They are seen as being less boring.



bee33
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03 Sep 2024, 1:37 am

cyberdad wrote:
I don't think ruthlessness is in itself a very attractive quality to anyone. However, men who use their rutheless streak to succeed inevitably become attractive. that I am afraid is the law of the land.

What? No.



Nades
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03 Sep 2024, 5:07 am

cyberdad wrote:
I don't think ruthlessness is in itself a very attractive quality to anyone. However, men who use their rutheless streak to succeed inevitably become attractive. that I am afraid is the law of the land.


This is my observation too though with the people I've seen it's not very black and white.



funeralxempire
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03 Sep 2024, 5:16 pm

Pink Zeppelin wrote:
Some women do like bad boys. They are seen as being less boring.


But the core issue is boring, not good vs. bad.


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Fnord
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03 Sep 2024, 6:44 pm

By "Ruthless", does the OP mean "Cruel and lacking in mercy", or does the OP mean "Decisive, with high standards"?

A man who can think for himself, who can make plans and carry them out, who is not swayed by emotional arguments lacking in facts, and who does not need to boost his ego with a "trophy" wife or girlfriend is sometimes called "ruthless".

In other words, being "ruthless" is erroneously applied to any single man who is both independent and successful.  Such men are considered attractive for their wealth and influence, if not their personalities.


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05 Sep 2024, 6:22 pm

Ruthless people scare the hell out of me.


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Jayo
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05 Sep 2024, 6:29 pm

Yeah, when I think "ruthless", I think of some sociopathic villain from Breaking Bad, or some narcissistic tyrant.

I mean, heck, most women aren't looking for Ned Flanders or Mr. Rogers - but they're probably not looking for Hitler or Henry the VIIIth either :P



funeralxempire
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05 Sep 2024, 6:36 pm

My levels of ruth are greatly variable and context dependent.


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"Many of us like to ask ourselves, What would I do if I was alive during slavery? Or the Jim Crow South? Or apartheid? What would I do if my country was committing genocide?' The answer is, you're doing it. Right now." —Former U.S. Airman (Air Force) Aaron Bushnell


IsabellaLinton
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05 Sep 2024, 8:46 pm

Image


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