I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I hope it gets better
Have you considered that you might be dealing with a case of autistic burnout? It can completely devastate your life, and makes you feel like you're running in circles on empty. A lot of us here have experienced it, me included, and it feels a lot like how you're describing. It takes a long time to recover from, but the good news is that it does get better...so long as you stop draining yourself and give yourself time to recover. Please be gentle with yourself. You're smart, you have potential, and you deserve to rest.