Sense of Purpose and Apathy

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I was reading Napoleon Hill's THINK AND GROW RICH. I'm not enamored with it, but there is something in it that resonated with me and disturbed me. He talked about the drive to succeed being largely inate, and related to one's sex drive and emotional attachment (pointing out that many successful people are not geniuses or innovative). Those who are uber successful simply wanted it that badly and did whatever it took. Kind of like the guy in PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

I have a bad reaction, because I often visualize a career or path and conclude it's not worth it. Not because I'm lazy, I can be a real workaholic. I get the job done, and then some. I've never been fired, taken on extra tasks. But there are so many things that I don't see the point of, and without a framework of a steady job, I can't seem to see why anyone would want more than to simply do their own thing, meaning self employed for necessities. I can see it logically, but I don't feel the drive myself to be rich, famous, etc.. Even more, I conclude that the benefits, that others would kill for, aren't worth it, either, and this has hampered my professional career. Not because I can't, but don't want to, because it seems pointless. And with his argument that one has to FEEL it on a gut level, it made me think that being rational about it was a hindrence, because there's a lack of biological drive. (What is the point of a rational faculty, if not to serve the machine?). I admire Ayn Rand, but find myself in the wierd position of agreeing with a philosophy that says the individual can live for himself, but having no outward goal that I consider worth pursuing beyond simple things. Freedom from what? Freedom FOR what? The closest thing I have is music, but even that I don't do for wordly gain. Though I think that if I were to lose the ability to compose or play, I don't know what I'd do with the rest of my life. But even comes and goes with each completed project, and each finished album results in a loss of a goal and purpose.

I wonder if anyone else has a thought on this? Is there credence to a physical, inborn necessity, a will to power, so to speak? And if it's sexual in origin, Hill's analogy to a castrated bull becoming docile as a cow, is that a parallel to autism, that lack of outward drive?

I can understand what you are saying.
I can think of many occaisions when I have wanted to do something, then been stopped by my rational self talking me out of it. If I can't justify why something should happen, I lose interest and motivation for that something, and it simply becomes irrelevant, no matter how much I originally wanted to do it.
Sometimes this gets to the extent that I have trouble figuring out just why I should bother even getting out of bed, since me and my job are so irrelevant to the grand scheme of things. In the big picture, the individual, the individuals thoughts and opinions, and the individuals actions; these are all totally not important. The only problem with this is that I am usually not able to figure out just what is, since that is on a level way over my little head.
So when someone asks me what I want to do with my life, there really is no easy answer.

Outwards drive is usually balanced with inward drive. Usually. When balance is lost, which happens easily with some As people, everything can become disrupted. With NT people, this is usually followed with or preceded by a mental breakdown. We however cope better since it happens so often. I think we lucked out.

What do you mean by 'Inwards Drive' and 'Outwards Drive'?