It would be interesting to know exactly what was said and who said it.
I don't know whether it's an autistic trait. I never saw it come up in any diagnostic manual or screening test for ASD.
I guess we often experience feelings in general more intensely than others. And we may find it more difficult than NTs do to know what's going on when somebody close is getting close to others. Mind-blindness can make social things scary. I don't view jealous feelings as a completely negative thing, I think they're normal, though often unpleasant, and can be a wake-up call that the person whose behaviour has given rise to the jealousy may be drifting away.
It's difficult to define what's normal with friendship. With serious romantic relationships there's commonly a contract of monogamy that "outlaws" sexual and emotional infidelity, but with friendships it depends on how close the friendship is supposed to be, though it's rarely discussed until something goes wrong, and even then it might not be discussed. I guess sometimes one person has a different idea about the contract than the other has.
As for me, I don't usually worry about it much, but I've never much liked it when I've visited a friend and there's unexpectedly been somebody else there. If I know in advance then I don't mind. I prefer the simplicity of one-on-one, so it might just be that which would naturally make me feel disappointed if things are suddenly going to be more socially complicated than I'd expected them to be. Plus I can be wary of meeting new people at the drop of a hat. Just because my friend likes somebody doesn't mean to say that I'll like them or that they'll like me.
If I expected to be with a friend and then they suddenly switch to another friend and they leave me out, I think I'd be entirely justified in being angry about it.
13 Mar 2025, 9:48 pm
