Coping Skills & Different Dozens

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Anyone else feel like they're practicing coping skills literally 95% of the time or more? I feel like I am constantly aware of how I'm expected to behave, what my mind is experiencing, how I can control my emotions and responses, etc. It feels like to me, the entire world is overwhelming, so I have to use coping skills almost all the time. Here's an example from going to a social gathering.

Sensory
- Attempting to ignore all the distracting noises going on
- Tolerate the volume and emotional intensity of people yelling so that others can hear them over all the other noise
- The temperature
- Manage any internal physical discomfort. For me, it's always GI issues, but can also add knee pain or whatever random things come up.
- The bright lights
- All the itching

Interpersonal & Delayed-Processing
- Every single person's emotions overwhelming mine
- Trying not to upset someone by blurting out a thought that can be rude or offensive
- Having to look like you are actualized to what someone is saying but you're still catching up from what they said or did before
- Deciphering the proper response to their current statement or gesture even though I haven't understood it yet
- Wondering why I'm having a certain feeling at the moment but can't analyze it so have to suppress the anxiety even though it may be important information that I am in danger
- Controlling facial expressions to avoid upsetting or giving off incorrect signals
- Running every idea I want to share through the "How Can This Be Misinterpreted?" application for analysis, followed by the "What's The Probability That This Idea Will Upset This Particular Person?" application
- The constantly running applications "Is Anyone Here Mad At Me Right Now?", "Is What Is Happening Right Now Acceptable?", "Am I Missing Something?", "Am I Being Too Sensitive Right Now?", & "What Is That Weird Feeling I Am Having Right Now?"
- Rapidly managing all the Alt-Tabbing between the different applications since they can't run at the same time

Self-Control
- Limit stimming to avoid distracting or concerning others
- Looking focused on the person who is properly demanding attention while pretending to ignore everything else
- Trying to not look confused or overwhelmed all the time. Trying to look at ease.

I think that when I have a meltdown, it's not just because I'm not using proper coping skills. Those are running all the time, which is probably why I love the moment before going to sleep so much. It's when they don't have to be engaged anymore so all this processor time is freed up.

The meltdowns happen because all of the coping skills have been overwhelmed. More coping skills may actually add more of a load on the processor. It's like adding a fancier fan that helps cool the processor better, but the fan requires an application to run that heats up the processor more than it cools it or the application gets clogged in with the rest of the applications and doesn't function properly. It's like the anti-virus application and the fan application can't run properly at the same time because they both take up too much processor together, so the battle is between scanning the machine for debilitating malicious software and overheating the processor or keeping the processor cool and possibly letting the malicious software disable the machine instead.

It's the proverbial idiom "6.5 eggs in one hand; half a baker's dozen in the other," but the processor can only manage up to standard dozens, so both (6.5 & half a baker's dozen) can't run at the same time because 13 > 12. Moral of the story: A processor that has 12 threads cannot function better by adding a 13th thread that improves efficiency. One of the other threads has to be terminated first.

Some ideas.
Stay only a short time.
Sit off to one side where it is quieter.
Sometimes sitting in the front row of a presentation is best because it is easier to tune out distractions.
Make sure you get plenty of sleep before going!
Layer your clothes so you can easily adjust to the temperature.

Mine just really boils down to regulation, processing space/speed and transitioning.

The amount of quantity on what to consciously mind matters.
I don't have to enumerate that is under internal or external, if it's mental or emotional or physical or sensational or hormonal.

Or the knowing whens and when not tos VS the urge and cravings and the lack of thereof.
Or countless conditional internalized statements.

Then realize something just exists, if perceived or recalled at all.

I don't have enough Fs in my life to ever prioritize all the external behavioral social stuff.

But I do know doing with and having a really good executive function lets eloquence and passing follow by itself, without needing masking and rehearsals; just sheer data would be more than sufficient.

And that losing one thing to constantly mind or finally let go what's involuntarily hold onto makes existing feel better.


Personally, I do not cope and move on.
It's either one or the other.

I don't even call this "coping". Probably because I never had to try.
To me it's an internalized mistrust and a lack of reference, born into a habit of wanting predictability. In my own case, interoception and some biological stupid sensitivity plays an element.

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It depends where I am and what's going on. I'm staying in my home a lot these days, where I've got a lot of little solutions to hand (such as menthol lotion for the itching), and I'm used to the place so I feel secure here. I've got things fairly well tailored to my quirks.