Have not gone to church for years. My experience growing up in my youth was that dating and finding a partner from within the church was kinda frowned upon? It was not really encouraged. (Was actually confusing as there was a lot of confliction. One must marry someone from the church but dating and asking out was discouraged somehow?) When I did finally date in my mid 30's she was from outside the church but I had left the church by then.
I don't want to seem too negative but the amount of hurdles and discouragements that came ones way in the church system when it comes to dating and the shocking dating advice I later heard after one of the last times I went to a church which was a celebration of an elderly man's life after he had died (His wife invited us to come and it turned out that they only briefly talked about him (Yet it was a service dedicated to him), and the sermon was to advise women what they should look for in a man to date... And the church leader had loads of bullet points, many of which were so irrelevant it was stupid. Most of the church were in their 30's and from farming backgrounds, and the church leader who wasn't from the same background and he was saying "If he does no wear a clean shirt every day and he does not wear a decent suit, then do not date him". And "Must have his own teeth, must not drink, must not smoke, must not take drugs, must drive an expensive car etc etc" and things like that which were totally irrelevant to dating. He was basically saying that anyone who wasn't a carbon copy of himself was not suitable to date. I looked at every bullet point he had written on the board and out of all those points, only one I could say related to the scriptures and a second partly did if one read it with a certain tangent. All the rest of his points were useless to the ones he was trying to advize.
When I was listening to his preaching I was so shocked, my mouth was open! To the elderly lady who invited us, the man could say no wrong, but to me, I was totally shocked how far the man was away from the scriptures, and also how bad the advice actually was, because some of the best loyal loving men I know are the ones who have messed up and who are far from perfect, and some of the most vain nasty men are the ones who seem to not have a hair out of place, and that is the honest truth in how I have found people in life, and I am not saying it is always the case as there will always be exceptions, but in general I have found it to be when one looks at peoples hearts.
As I sat there with my mouth open the leader saw me and his conscience was obviously triggered and he then started saying why he was "Qualified" to preach on these things and started listing his qualifications which made my mouth drop even further! (I am one who rarely ever facially shows my emotions so that day was rare, but I just could no believe it! The ONLY time I remember any preaching on datingand what to look for was so messed up...
I REALLY think good advice is desperately needed both in the church and out of the church as let's face it, dating advice is not easy. But I do think advice in churches when I was younger avoided any of the things one really needed to know, and when it was given by that leader at a church I was invited to which was years later which was in depth but so stupid and one sided that I honestly think there is a desparate need!
First is to say that people are not perfect and to never look for perfection as if one finds it, one will be disappointed as one will be looking for the wrong type of thing. Not to belittle anyone, but when I was a teenager or a young adult, and if I had actually been out with the ladies I fancied it would likely have ended up a disaster from what I know now about some of them. And these were ladies I thought were perfect. BUT having said this, if one realizes that people have faults, and one falls deeply in love despite these faults, one is into something good!
I have heard church people miss quote a certain scripture "Do not be unequally yoked" and they have not realized what this scripture meant! I have had lengthy conversations with an elderly farmer who has since passed away. I grew up on smallholdings so even if I had not done what he had done in his past, I still understood what he was trying to say, and he would give me deep spiritual insights based on his farming experiences, and he only turned to faith in his old age. But he had so much real gems of advice to give! He told me what equally yoked was, as when he was a youth starting on the farm, he was asked to select two horses to plough with. So he natrually selected the two largest most powerful horses he could see. The old guy told him if he put those two horses to the plough there is NO WAY they would work together! They don't get on! They hate each other EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE THE SAME BREED AND ARE BOTH ULTRA STRONG! He pointed to two horses that were completely different and were different sizes, and said "See that horse there. That horse will follow that other horse where ever it goes. They have a special love for each other. The one will wait for the other and they will both pull together as one!
It taught me a lot. How the church would chose two identical people and yet rarely will things ever work out.
I bumped into an old schoolteacher who taught me when I was around 10 to 11 years old and she was not young back then. So when I met her years later she must have been well into her 80's and she said to me how she watched generations of those she taught grow up and start families, and she said that the ones who were similar tended to end up in divorce. But the ones who were completely different, where a real rebellious young lady or man would couple up with a really quiet and timid significant other, and the rebellious one would become more tame, and the quiet timid one will become more bold. And as married couples, their marriages would last. She said she marveled at this ND was really surprised by the outcome, as there was a deep connection of love between them that they would stay together wherever they would go. This is equally yoked and it is a marvellous mystery that no one can fathom!
When I was in my younger adult years my Mum said something interesting about love and dating. She said love is not limited by age or race or class etc.. Love runs deeper than that. An 80 year old can marry a 20 year old. A rich person can marry a poor person. A black person can marry a white person. Love has no limits. I have also been told that age gaps or religious differences or cultural differences etc etc do not make it easy, but people who have bridged these gaps who found love has conquered all!
27 Apr 2025, 3:38 pm
