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Nominal Vulcan
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09 May 2025, 6:10 pm

I'm not a professional, but I had this thought:

When someone is abusive, they're misusing their authority, privilege, advantage, etc. When someone is toxic, they're eroding trust, damaging self-confidence, and so on.

Thoughts?



funeralxempire
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09 May 2025, 6:12 pm

I don't believe the terms are mutually exclusive. Toxic behaviour can be abusive, and abusive behaviour is inherently toxic.


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timf
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09 May 2025, 6:27 pm

I see "abusive" as implying periodic emotional outbursts. "Toxic" might be seen as more of a constant state. Additionally, I would see a greater level of subtlety with toxic.



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09 May 2025, 8:13 pm

From what I can see...

Abusive is exploitative and it leans towards imbalanced dynamics.
You keep distance from them regardless of sentiments or reasoning, and learn tactics to avoid their scheming. Dealing with them is like dealing with manipulators.
Better if one can afford cut ties out of them.

Toxic is hostile dynamics or/and dissonance. Unless you're insensitive, able to vibe with them, have a way thicker skin or can flat out ignore them, you stay away from them from their sludge of influence.
And dealing with this is more about regulation and more of a game of influence; like playing chicken or bluffing.

Unlike abuse which is objectively negative with potentially crossing the unethical, toxicity can be relative and is more social and emotional.


Both are generally discouraged.
Both can be subtle or overt, passive or active.
Both can be negative or "positive".

Many things are both than merely one or the other. It mixes really easily.



Anyone can be toxic without being abusive.
At best, they're just one of those dysregulated people who expresses everyone's dirty laundry and negativity or wanted positivity.
What else do they gain other than just venting? Merely making other's feelings just some collateral they happened to steamroll.

Abuse without toxicity definitely involves deceit.
Positive emotions or positivity is used to get things their way. One doesn't need to induce fear into someone to be abusive.
Abuse can be way more elaborate than just merely being negative and dissonating.

Toxic and abusive;
Toxicity is mainly a tool for control to perpetuate abuse or one that fuels it.
And abuse can simply be an expression of one's toxicity.


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Nominal Vulcan
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11 May 2025, 5:02 pm

Great responses so far, everyone. I mean that.



ToughDiamond
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12 May 2025, 10:52 pm

I've not needed to use the terms very much, and prefer to look at the instances of behaviour that I object to rather than worrying too much about applying labels. I think there's a danger of labelling a person an abuser or a toxic person, when in real life it usually depends on the situation they're in and the pressures they're under. But don't let me stop you if you think otherwise.



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13 May 2025, 12:09 pm

Abusive is a subset of toxic, and there is a lot of overlap in the two circles.