Overshadowed Feelings

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Sometimes I feel completely overshadowed especially when it comes to one of my sisters and her kids. I feel like I have no one that can understand me because i'm the only autistic person out of my parents and siblings; so I'll just keep stuff bottled in and then it'll push me over the edge and I'll finally have a meltdown due to it. I'm the autistic one but I feel like when it comes to her and her family I've had to mask a lot; I had to fly all the way across the world because they wanted to get married in India, they will also stay with my parents for 6 weeks and since I live with my parents I have to prevent myself from going into sensory overload and getting overstimulated. So, when my mom knew something was wrong and I finally kept trying to say that I've had to put my needs to the side of because of what they want or what they have going on, my mom kept saying she doesn't understand and that no one else can understand, so maybe I need to find autistic people that can relate. And she also said she is trying to understand and it shouldn't be a big deal with them here since they're only once a year that my sister and her husband and kids are here. But to me i feel like it's being taken as i'm overdramatic and i just have to suck it up since they only come here for 6 weeks once a year, I just wish my feelings would be acknowledged as they are valid and it is true that I have had to do with that. Because it's been building up for 7 years since I had to go to India as an autistic person for her wedding and do everything without accomodations or just accepting that I cant. I didn't choose to have autism, ptsd, panic disorder and panic attacks, social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, etc. But my sister chose to move to India with her family and have 4 kids. Why do I feel like I'm overshadowed a lot by her.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, Christine. It sounds really hard. Especially dealing with a six week long routine upset when your sister and her family visits? That sounds awful. And she has 4 kids? No wonder you're overstimulated. You're definitely not being over dramatic. Your feelings are valid. That is a lot of people and energy in one space. I'm so sorry your family is being so unaccommodating.

Is it possible for you to stay anywhere else when they visit? Or do you have a quiet place you can go to spend the day so you're only dealing with them in smaller amounts? How old are the kids? Are they able to understand that you need some space and quiet time?

I hope things get better and your family acknowledges your needs

I texted my other sister and she says my mom does love me and wants to understand me, but i guess we both have a hard time understanding each others perspective. But I do get that she wants to spend as much times as possible with my sisters family and I just wish she knew what the pain is like to be overstimulated and sometimes not feeling like you have your own space to go and just calm down to prevent it. Especially when you have to lock the door because sometimes the grandkids try to come into my room, and I due try to interact with the grandkids and play with them sometimes I’ll even let them play with some of the sensory toys I have. And I do love my mom I just wish I could feel like we both have the same amount of support. And my other sister said that even though her in-laws live close, she feels alone too because they aren’t much help because they’re old and sick. But my feelings are she can’t feel any more alone than I do because I’m the only one of my siblings that has autism so I don’t have a sibling that I can talk to and understands my feelings and makes me feel like they’re rational and valid.

There is nothing unusual with the way you are feeling or how you are reacting to this situation as an autistic person, Christine.

Autistic people often thrive upon routine and it is normal for autistic people in your situation to become disturbed and perhaps increasingly anxious with a disturbance to your routine such as your sister and her husband/their family coming over to visit for six weeks? That is quite a while.

Just hang on and try to get through it all without becoming too upset, masking is hard but your family probably will appreciate it.