How do any of you deal with self hatred?

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When people praise or compliment me I feel disrespected and at times very upset. I have a lot of self hatred that I would rather if someone I don't know well didn't speak to me rather than praise or compliment me. Is this weird?

That's sad

Yeah I have gone through very dark times in my life where I have definitely hated myself

I like praise and compliments but I have a hard time with criticism.

I feel like I have to run and hide if anyone compliments me

I'm so shy

I'm a lot better with criticism but it doesn't mean I particularly like it
I can just deal with it easier

Compliments and praise helps boost my self-esteem. Criticism makes me become angry with myself.

I also don't like being told off. Whenever I'm shouted at at work, I have to go off and cry, sometimes I even have a panic attack. Yes, I know it's very weak of me to deal with a confrontation that way, but I don't consciously choose to turn on the waterworks, it just happens. My heart begins racing, my body starts shaking, and I suddenly can't breathe. So I have to escape and let it all out. Sometimes the sobs come out loudly, and my knees go all weak and all I want to do is just escape from society and be at home where I feel safe and unpestered. I hate reacting this way though. But I can't help it. I think it's due to anxiety, depression and also of having had a nervous breakdown recently. It's a mental health thing I think. I just don't like people in authority yelling at me. Nobody does really, but I just feel it more extremely and just can't cope. But at the same time, I do not want people to have to walk on eggshells around me. It's an awkward situation. I think I just want to be left alone, not socially but just out of the way of bullies and criticism.

Yeah that's a hard situation to be in
I don't think it's weak what happens to you you can't help how you react

Like you say everybody is different and nobody like getting told off
I hate it as well

I think the difference between anxiety and attention seeking is that with anxiety (the sort I have) you're genuinely feeling what you're expressing, where as with just attention seeking you're not genuinely feeling the emotion, you're just manually switching on the waterworks to get what you want. While I do crave attention during a panic attack, I don't do it to get attention. So if I feel a panic attack coming on I always try to find someone I can unburden myself to, and then it comes out in one big burst. Some people might think that is just attention seeking, but really it isn't, because I'm really feeling scared, frustrated, anxious and panicky inside. It's part of my condition (ADHD coupled with anxiety and depression).

Yeah thank you for sharing that

It is important for people to understand but at least I know now

I don't know if its weird but I do it too. I think there's lots of people who don't like to receive compliments.

The other day I told some people at work how old I am and they were quite surprised because they thought I was the same age as them (about 10 years younger) and said I don't look my age. I know that's supposed to be a compliment but it felt bad to me. My brain kept suggesting it's because I act like a kid, or I don't have the gravitas or authority or whatever someone my age should have.

I think when we don't believe good things about ourselves it's hard to take a compliment because we assume the person giving the compliment must be lying to us and then we have to think about why they might be doing that. To manipulate us? Are they making fun of us? We're they being sarcastic?

I used to deflect compliments but I've learned that's rude so I'm trying to just say "Thanks" and move on.

Yeah I've learned to accept it as well but I still feel like hiding under a table when it happens

It just gets bottled up or used as fuel. One of the few things I hate more than myself is waste. My suffering may be endless, but I see little reason to permit inefficacies.

Also for me people compliment me on things like being able to walk and talk at the same time

I mean to say

I think there's definitely a voice that says - that was undeserved when I receive a compliment. However, I know that my intrusive thoughts that act like a reflex are poor indications of reality.

I say thank you and accept the compliment. When someone doesn't know me, I have on occasion remarked that they don't have enough information to accurately determine such things. However, that's not always appropriate. Sometimes it's better just to accept it. However, if they compliment something I don't like about myself then I'll probably mention that I don't like it. 'I like X about you ' 'Oh, well I don't, but fair enough'.

Criticism is a tricky one. If it's constructive then that's easier to take. I usually prefer it if they start with things they liked and then ease into the criticism. Sometimes, when it's something I'm sensitive about, I do have to take a break and think about my response otherwise I'll probably lash out and say something I would regret.

We used to call it a s*** sandwich when I was at my last place if work

Complement
Criticism
Complement

I'm not keen on that personally

Oh yes, some forms of criticism I can take and I don't even think of it as criticism. Being corrected when I've made a mistake is not criticism, though some people might think it is. I guess it's how someone corrects you, but if they're just correcting you as a way of helping you then I'm always grateful for it, often I even see the funny side to it and have a laugh at my own mistake lol. Even if I misspell a word, I'd much rather someone corrected me than just ignore it, even though some people might say it's rude to correct people's spelling. But I'm quite a perfectionist when it comes to writing, so one single typo can upset me, and so I'd much rather someone corrected my spelling - although not to an American alternative though, as technically it's still correct whether you use the UK spelling or the US spelling.

I don't like praise or compliments because I feel I don't deserve it. I'm not happy about things in my past and I absolutely refuse to change the way I feel.