Sometimes I Hate Being Autistic.

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Every Time I Make A Mistake, I Say It's Because I'm Autistic And I Start To Feel Stupid. When People Get Mad At Me My Brain Tells Me They Are Mad At Me Because I'm An Autistic Idiot. Sometimes I Feel Like My Autism Makes Me "Ret***ed", And I Know People Don't Like It When I Use That Word, But I Feel Like It's The Only Word To Describe Me. It Doesn't Help Kids At My School Use "Autistic" As A Synonym Of "Stupid" And People Acting Like Autism Is A Disease All Around Me. If You Guys Could Help Me That Would Be Great.

What sort of help would you like? I can punch the kids at your school, but it won't actually impact your internal feelings about your autism.

Personally, I don't see any issue with people self-describing themselves as ret*d, because sometimes a slur is actually perfect at encapsulating the nuances of what one is trying to say.

I've been shamed online for calling myself the r-word for being on the spectrum, but people need to understand that one person hating their condition doesn't mean they hate everyone else with the condition. It's like they get offended just because one person on the spectrum doesn't want to be "one of us".

It's like I avoid wearing glasses because I feel they make me look geeky and unattractive, but that does not mean I am saying that everyone who wears glasses look unattractive or geeky. I don't actually think that at all, in fact I barely even notice when others wear glasses, as it suits them so much and they're attractive anyway. But it's just how I feel about myself.

I was diagnosed late, and I'm still not used to figuring out which of my problems are down to autism and which are just down to my personality or other people and unfortunate circumstances. A lot of my problems seem to be down to mixtures of those things.

Probably the nastiest difficulty is some kind of executive function trouble that makes me find it rather hard to cope with messy problems. I can't easily muddle through incoherent stuff, I seem to need tasks to be very clearly-defined and coherent, and real life doesn't do that for me very much. It's as if I have a very finely-balanced mind that functions marvellously if everything is just so, but is easily knocked out of kilter by the slightest hint of messiness in the input.

They're the problem.

Calling you autistic, blaming autism -- does not indicate of whatever solution you need other than turn into directionlessness self loathing or even bullying someone into dreaming of a cure.

Other than just being a subject under a label, identifying you as some sort of target...

Sentiments around the label is another -- other than the full acknowledgement that people around you are ignorant, who are you trying to please?


So what is the detail of your problem? Because saying "being autistic" leads to nowhere.

Memory issues?
Clumsiness?
Reaction time?
Sensory interference?
Social awkwardness?
Crappy fashion sense?
Impulsive info dumping?
Loneliness and longing to be belonged?

Sensory interference induced clumsiness and inattention that made you awkward to look at that will repel others that will make you feel like some sort of freak?

Whut?

Even if it's all of them, at least identifying what it is, there something that can be done. Better if done to prove them wrong.

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Don't hate yourself, be proud of yourself. Sometimes it even helps to think -- maybe the world is wrong. Maybe.

I hate being an autist all the time.

Your posts would also be far more readable If You Didn't Type Like This.

Thanks.

I'm 70 and I am Autistic. That means I've been Autistic for 70 years.

(Yes, I was Autistic long before the DSM would say so. Back then I was just "weird".)

Off-hand I suspect the only way you're going to cease being Autistic is if they change the label again.

Soooo...work with it!

I set things where I can see them so they will remind me of things I should do. If I'm supposed to take something with me I set it near the door. If there isn't a physical object I can set where I will see it (like my pills) then I write myself a note and keep it on display until I've satisfied it. If the best place for the reminder is on my computer then I tell my computer to remind me. I listen to soft ambient/space music because it makes things more pleasant without distracting me.

I would be a terrible liar or cheater so I absolutely do not do that. I tell the truth and follow the rules.

As you take classes in school figure out what you like and what you can do. You might have to take some classes you know you will hate but, if you know what you like, maybe you can get more of that into your schedule in the future.

Yes, you will be unhappy a lot. I know I was. But I kept on going. I did stuff I needed to do even when I hated it (for many, many years!). But looking back, I figure it was like climbing a mountain. It was not easy...but when you get to the top the view is great!

Oh...what surprised me is how well it worked out. I found out what I was good at and tried to stick to that. And I retired years younger than many people do. I really like my life now!

And remember that some Autistics have done wonderful things. Try to be one of them!

62 here, battled at regular school, only diagnosed 28 years after leaving school so I can identify with your issues. I had very poor self esteem and often thought the way I was treated might be justified at the time.

So yeah I know how you feel because I did not enjoy or excel at high school and preferred getting home to my comics and other stuff.

That's how it felt when I first got diagnosed with it, start of grade 10 was a disaster.

Well I'm doing slightly better now, although I do still struggle in life with it.