Self imposed pressure to find someone to date

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I seem to think this self imposed pressure to find someone to date is making the idea of dating less enjoyable or exciting because because it's being motivated by this notion as though my time is "running out" and seem to think more and more people between 30 and 35 are being paired off and is going to make the fear of being the only one left behind of that age coming true if I don't do something about it, but I don't want to rush things and come across as desperate because I know it will just turn people off. It leaves me sometimes thinking I should just give up if gets more and more delayed because I'm not always prioritising it and more people are getting taken, engaged, and married with kids.

Why are you so OBSESSED with marriage and children @chris1989?

For a long while ago I was obsessed with it. I diceded to give up, but that turned me into an incel. I didn't really hate women; it's not their fault. They are free to pick someone whom they are attracted to.

To the environment (friends, colleagues and relatives) I come across as someone who isn't interested in women. In the beginning they didn't understand why I have a Russian girlfriend, and not a Dutch (=native) one. I told them: "Love must come from both sides. If it doesn't, there can't even be a date."

That's what I want to know, but he could be just venting and not actually seeking answers.

It's a bit of both.

I know it's hard to be in your position @chris1989 but you have to be PATIENT and allow things to run their course!! !

What are you actually doing right now to put yourself in the position to meet women?

That's the starting point!

Well, I've tried to talk to someone in a place near where I work but I've only asked how they are and how their day is, it feels hard being at work and I try not to engage too much while they are working unless they are off. I'm on bumble but I haven't been on it for while due to doing other thing and sometimes forget about looking at it. I don't even feel that interested in some of the meetup groups or sitting in a cafe waiting to talk to someone. I seem to think I'm quite picky and I seem to want to meet someone who is young like me and that is something I can't control as there are people of all ages. As I've said before I'm not someone who sits and walks into a pub on my own waiting for someone either. I seem to think I'll just end up sitting there and worried of looking like some weird stranger sitting there on his own.

^so you are having issues with conversing with women?

I wonder if there could be an OCD component with your relationship obsession Chris. If there is perhaps OCD treatment could help you worry less.

^it's probably partially OCD and societal conditioning/brainwashing about needing to be in a romantic relationship/married with kids!! !

Well, I'm not sure, I mean I do know how to approach and introduce myself to someone but I don't but most of my chances have been when I've been at work or on a break or something. The problem is I can't just walk up to some random strangers to befriend because that would be socially awkward especially if they are working or doing shopping etc.

I can kind of relate at one point, but after getting burnt with a "proper" relationship and hearing horror stories, I am kinda ambivalent. Honestly for me the threshold went up in terms of talking to women. I am talking to some women, but I am not jumping into exclusivity right away as I want to see their character and it is long distance with the majority of them and there are other aspects that make me tread carefully. I would also be careful of users and people that worry to say seemed like psychos, as they seem drawn to us.

I am kind of mixed on monogamy. It is not that I am against monogamy as part of a give and take in a relationship, but many people seem to take take take. But to circle around in the past for me it was religion and pressure to not be a weirdo. That there is something the matter with you. I do realize a good chunk of men are single so that takes some burden off, but sometimes it just seems so superficial. It could be where I am as it seems like people where I am are worse than LA (honestly many of the people in LA were pretty friendly).

Regardless, I am kind of at the point that if this group does not work out I will forget about for a while or for good.