Feeling Lonely

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Im struggling currently

I was with my boyfriend for 9 months, everything was going great. But then suddenly, we both had big life stressors. I haven't had a job for nine months and no routine for a year, and my boyfriend stopped getting paid in January, the only job he's been able to cope in. His mum also got diognosed with breast cancer. When his meltdowns were happening he was getting really angry and throwing things. He's struggling

Things got ontop of us and we were living together and feeling pretty miserable we ended up fighting constantly and it just got too much for us both, yelling, name calling, meltdowns from us both.

I have moved back in my dads and the agreement is that we will work on ourselves and communication apart, so that we can come back together happier hopefully. I can tell we both love eachother and it's just such a shame that all this has happened.

Im at my dads, and im feeling SO lonely and stuck and lost. Ive spent 3 days in my bedroom because the weather is bad I usually go walking but I can't. I feel stuck, I can't get myself to do anything fun because I feel too sad to do anything, and im avoiding family members because I don't know what to even say I feel I mask around them too, even though they're wonderful and caring! <3 I just feel so down in the dumps.

im 30 so nothing is really going on with my social life, all of my friends are happy and in relationships and I feel like such a failure and just so lonely

Im trying to get a job to get a routine, but It seems it's impossible.

Im sorry to be so depressing I just don't know where to turn and could do with some friendly advice

Thankyou! for reading

There's no need to apologize for sharing your struggles, it takes more courage than most think to share such things and open up your vulnerabilities.

I can relate to a number of your plights, though not all to the same degree, I'm a widower and know a thing or two about the pains of being separated. I also know the pains of long stints between work, even more painful since I'm an overachiever, and the uncomfortable lethargy that can settle from lacking a good schedule.

You can take it from someone who lives without hope, overcoming your plights and daemons isn't always a matter of defeating them head on, but outlasting them. Regardless of how any of us feel the sun will still rise and we will still have more chances to pull ourselves up. Best of luck.

Thankyou for you're reply, It was a much needed light. I fear im becoming pessimestic and whenever people ask if things are okay, it's always negative. But I suppose I am going through a real tough point in life, so it's difficult to be happy go lucky & Ive always been a people pleaser, so it feels strange focusing on my own inward monolouge and emotions for a change.

You described that very well. Feeling lethargic from a lack of routine, it almost feels like my brain is never activated. and im stuck in this wierd lul. Where we differ, though, is that I'm not an overachiever. ( although I am in the right enviroment I thrive! but usually before I've had a chance to succeed, somebody focuses on my weakness. They use them against me to get me out of work, because they see me as a threat. I struggle at work. Still, I always work hard, I guess what holds me back is people tend to take a dislike to me, because I'm not as ' social ' as they'd like, and they take it for me disliking them, rather than me just being myself. Those who don't get it anyway, there are always those who do, but they're never in a position of power , so their word isn't enough to keep me in the job.

That's very true. Emotions come and go, don't they and surviving the feelings that come with them is a big part of being a person. Emotions are tricky to navigate at the best of times, but were all human and we all feel them from time to time. I like the quote about there always being another new day, my mum always used to say this to me, and she was right.

I hope in the future I can set boundaries and either restore the relationship which didn't work, because I feel my boundaries were being pushed and ignored and I didn't assert them, enough. And find somebody who doesn't want to test my boundaries and just treat me like a regular human being.

Here's to hoping ( maybe I should resign to being single forever, that way I don't end up being hurt. ) woe is me I know, somebody get out the violin.

<3 Thank you for're reply, being a widow must be very very tough. The fact that you can still offer kindness when you are feeling these feelings just goes to show what a kind heart you must have. Don't you forget it.

You need not thank me, offering aid and consul to others is an obligation of duty, but also a joy to see how others may overcome or resolve their dilemmas. Happiness often favors the youth and fools as both lack the knowledge that weighs many of us down. Though there is something to be said for those who manage to find joy and meaning, in one way or another, throughout life.

Most of my prior work has never involved too many peers. Between that and my vast density, I am unsure if any of my coworkers have ever been jealous of me. Given that, for the longest time, I often worked alone and on some of the most difficult assignments concern might be a more common feeling had about me. Because of my exploits over the years at my work, my nickname there is "Horse". I could have gotten worse.

You shouldn't resign yourself to being single. Honestly, the best advice I know of in that field is to simply live your life and be open to what may come your way. A life without pain lacks the chance for growth, you would do well not to chase any and all possible suitors, but closing that area of your life is a more demanding commitment than most would think. Perhaps things will improve and you can be reunited with your boyfriend, or you both may part ways. Life's many ebbs and flows leave many possibilities open.

Just keep living your life and striving to improve. Change will come. My door is always open should you ever wish to speak further even if I'm busied one way or another.

@fairybellsxo

I was sorry to hear of your woes fairybellsxo;
As well as being very relatable to my own lived story, I fully concur with Commander's replies.
The trick in life is that there is no trick, if there were a one-size-fits-all solution to our hardships ... we would not have the ongoing wars and disputes, we see happening around us, personally and in the world in general.
There are many base-guidelines that groupings of humans have formed, that offer a basis to build up from. But they only apply if you're a perfect match for that group.
So a tip of the hat to Commander, here as indeed a tattoo I have on my right fore-arm (done when I was 35) reads: "This too shall pass" and aligns with his suggestion that discipline is a better guide that motivation in our lives, because if you think about it all 'heroic' stories we know and admire are not about people that have had 'easy-lives' but of those that endured and were able to either overcome, or make it their own.

Good luck in your travels and know that your are not alone.
kind regards,
Kada

Thankyou for you're replys,
It's evident to see that just from you're writing alone that both of you are very intelligent and have much wisdom to provide, you both remind me of my dad, who will always be my hero. He always has poignant words of wisdom, which seem to fit with the ' natural ' order of things and if I end up to be half the person he is, with his intelligence, passion and sense of justice, I feel ive made it in the world.

This evening we had a chat where he told me about his dad. He told me about how lots of people disliked him and spoke ill of him, because he was a very intelligent man, but he resigned to a life of visiting the pub. I believe from what it sounded like, he was autistic but back then very little was known about autism, so he got judged by the world around him, ( yet they went to him for help in their time of need, and used his intelligence to get them out of trouble ) it seemed. My dad said he had a very common accent, but would put on a posh voice when sorting out their issues He sounds like such a character and a fantastic person.

Anyway, off on a tangent, but going back to what you both said.
Life is a road, which isn't well travelled because it takes many different routes. There are many roads you can take and I guess none of them are right or wrong, just the one you were supposed to go down at the time. Over the weeks, I have come to realise that this road I was travelling on, was leading to a path of sadness, self pity, I was loosing myself and it wasn't one I wish to continue on.

The person who I was with, sadly, was autistic but with an agenda and he was manipulating me at every single turn. He keeps telling me to collect my things and then going back on his word and saying, well it all seems very final and then we talk about change ( but his reasoning is more justification ) he sent me a message regarding not understanding his emotions and that this won't change. He would get angry when I did the recycling incorrectly and he came in recently and threw it across the floor and got angry.

This was the pinicle for me, I love him dearly from the way he walks down to the sweet things he can say, he sees the beauty in a yellow field of flowers and takes care of bugs, but the way he has spoken to me doesn't seem to fit Which makes this a very hard path to go down. He said I flease him, because over the year he kept a spreadsheet of all of the items I have used and food I have ate, so that when I got a job I could pay him back.

Over the nine months I haven't got a job so I can't pay him back
AND!
When we argued, he also called me a ' b***h ' and he has called me a child and several other names.

It took me three months to admit to myself that this wasn't going to get better, and it's tore my heart in two, and even now I wonder if things were my fault. and if im going crazy or if I was just as bad because I yelled back too. I don't believe I did, but my memory feels fuzzy and I feel like im going crazy, because of how he keeps framing things back to me.

I have shown the messages to a very trusted friend, one who know's him too and wants best for him, but they also want what is best for me.

I think, I am going to try and live life a little bit for me now. I am 30 and I have been in relationships since I was 18, so it is a very scary change. But I find the joy in time, I never find it hard to fill, I love to read, I love making art, I love writing poetry I love chatting in the kitchen with my dad about nonesense. And Id really love to find a job and save up money for my future, so I am not frightened about not having the foundation of saftey behind me, if It just so happens my dad isn't here anymore.

But for now, I look to the future and hope that this tough life transition leads to a much happier day

Thankyou both for you're ultimate kindness, you both sound like fantastic people with wit to boot.