Hiring frustrations...
26 May 2025, 10:06 pm
I've been trying to get a job for more than a decade now. It never happens and I can't help but feel like my Autism is at least partially to blame. Just the fact that I'm Autistic seems to automatically lower people's opinions of me and I don't really have a "network" because I've been so socially impaired my whole life. The few connections I have, family, have tried getting me a job that they assured me is a "guaranteed thing" and the application and interview are "just a formality" because they're friends with the manager or somebody and I still didn't get hired. I've been applying constantly for everything in my area but I don't even get any interviews anymore. Back before covid and when places still had the option of paper applications I at least got a few interviews here and there that never lead to anything. I know the fact that I can't drive means I can't get delivery work and my lack of a degree likely isn't helping, but you need money to get a degree and you need a job to make money. I do have skills and have done a bit of commission work in the past and I've got online volunteer work, but I really need an actual paying job. I'd take anything but nobody is willing to hire me. I've even been rejected by McDonald's and that just makes me feel pathetic since it's always been the place stereotyped as hiring anybody...
The worst part though is my family. They know I'm autistic. They were there for the test and the diagnosis. Yet, they only seem to really "accept" it when my autism is advantageous to them, not when it's a disadvantage to me. They're more than happy to cite my autism to win an argument but then dismiss it completely as a reason I might be struggling with something. They get upset with me because according to them I'm not trying hard enough and insist that if I really wanted a job I could easily get one within a week. As though it's that easy, as though all I have to do to get a job is want one really bad, to just believe really hard. Maybe that's normal? I don't know, but it doesn't sound normal or reasonable to me. I am trying my best. I'm putting in the work to apply for the jobs and I practiced for interviews, but ultimately it isn't my decision. I can do everything right to the best of my ability but it's still somebody else that decides to give me the job or not. So, it's really upsetting when my own family blames my lack of a job on "not trying hard enough"... Sorry about how long this is but I've needed to get this off my chest for years.
27 May 2025, 1:21 pm
Well I have not looked for a decade, but I did look after covid and if this is any help, it seems easier to get hired in a sub 3% unemployment environment (there are a few places in the US like that, but as the pay or cost of living is too high and jobs that pay above what I earn are scare, it is not worth it). I created a game plan with Grok and it could help you. Also as a side note, there are several places where you can go to college for cheap like Germany or China. Finally for me after looking since 2022 and not finding a replacement job (but getting some interviews and also what seemed like ghosted from 2 1/2 jobs), I have come to the conclusion that I need to start my own business and I plan to do that in China once I get a job there for the visa. Also don't forget there is FAFSA and other financial aid that can significantly reduce the cost of college. Just food for thought. Also it is hard out there and keep an open mind as some places like San Diego have food public transit, whereas places like Phoenix is not.
28 May 2025, 10:26 am
Sorry, but I can't support AI so Grok is out. The skills I have are of the sort that AI's threatening to replace. It's kinda funny - if employers only cared about whether or not a potential employee has the skills to do the job I probably could have gotten a good job and begun a proper career ages ago, but all they seem to be concerned about is degrees. I have the skills for engineering, coding, and plenty of other things that I've learned on my own but without an actual degree they won't even give me the time of day. And jobs that don't require a degree typically require a high level of social skills, which I don't have... And moving to another country for any reason isn't really an option. Moving anywhere, especially to a different country, is really expensive and I don't have a paying job. As for the financial aid for college, I've looked into the various options before and while it would reduce the cost what I'd still have to pay is still way too much for me to afford. I would still need to have a paying job first. And that's increasingly seeming like a nigh-impossible hurdle to clear...
28 May 2025, 10:33 am
Someone here got a job prepping cars for paint jobs. Very little social interaction as the guy who does the painting interacts with the customer. But it does require attention to detail, as customers expect perfection.
Data entry is a common job for getting into the job market.
It often requires you to be at the job site for security reasons and can't be done online.
Plus they often want to move you up to a better job and they want to see your work ethic in person.
You may want to get any job at a place where you can use your advanced skills to get in the door.
Then apply for a transfer.
You are looking for a compatible workplace culture. Maybe the founder of the company still works there?
Does the company have a lot of diversity? There may be departments that are great to work for and others that are terrible. Maybe you can start in one and transfer to a better one.
28 May 2025, 7:06 pm
Data entry is a common job for getting into the job market.
It often requires you to be at the job site for security reasons and can't be done online.
Plus they often want to move you up to a better job and they want to see your work ethic in person.
You may want to get any job at a place where you can use your advanced skills to get in the door.
Then apply for a transfer.
You are looking for a compatible workplace culture. Maybe the founder of the company still works there?
Does the company have a lot of diversity? There may be departments that are great to work for and others that are terrible. Maybe you can start in one and transfer to a better one.
I'm really open to any job as long as I get paid. I'm not picky. As I've mentioned, I apply for everything. While there are plenty of jobs I'm certain I would be terrible at, I would still try my very best to do them anyway if they would hire me. But they don't hire me. I can't even show them my work ethic because they don't give me the chance. And my skills don't get me in any doors because I don't have a degree. It's not enough just be be good at something, they only care if you have that expensive fancy piece of paper saying that you're good at something.
But the hardest part about getting a job is the part I have no control over - the employer deciding whether or not to give me the job. You can't just walk into a business and say "i work here now. deal with it." It's entirely somebody else's decision.
28 May 2025, 7:16 pm
Research not-for-profit organizations you can travel to without a car.
They are having a tough time retaining staff as wages are less for most positions.
Apply even if you don't see a listing for a job. They may have given up on trying to hire someone.
When I was working I'd see folks in the lobby filling out paper job applications.
I'm pretty sure it is still like that!
29 May 2025, 7:42 am
They are having a tough time retaining staff as wages are less for most positions.
Apply even if you don't see a listing for a job. They may have given up on trying to hire someone.
When I was working I'd see folks in the lobby filling out paper job applications.
I'm pretty sure it is still like that!
I don't live in a city. My area is pretty out of the way and there's no public transit options. I've already looked into everything within walking distance, which is a total of 4 businesses in my town, and within a 30-minute-drive-distance, which is as far as my family is willing to take me for a job. All of the non-profit organizations around are volunteer work, meaning they don't pay anything. I need a paying job.
I don't think it's actually like that anymore, at least not from what I've seen. I've never once seen anybody sitting in a place filling out paper applications, except myself when places still had the option of paper applications. Personally, I've always preferred paper applications but businesses won't provide or accept them anymore. At least, none of the ones within a 30 minute drive. Covid seems to have killed the practice. These days when I go in and ask for an application or try to turn in one they just tell me "you have to apply online". And I apply online but never get hired or even get any interviews anymore. One of my cousins suggested that my applications might be getting automatically thrown out by ATS since apparently alot of places are now running applications past an AI to select "the best" candidates before a human even gets to see any of the applications. They said my autism, lack of degree and inability to drive would be red flags to ATS.
29 May 2025, 9:20 am
I just visited the website of the company I retired from.
It says to mail or email your cover letter and resume!
Not only is there no way to apply online, they say they have no remote work available.
Is there bus service available? There are folks who live in the city, take the bus to my town, and walk at least half a mile to work.
29 May 2025, 9:57 am
It says to mail or email your cover letter and resume!
Not only is there no way to apply online, they say they have no remote work available.
Is there bus service available? There are folks who live in the city, take the bus to my town, and walk at least half a mile to work.
Not try pry, but I'm curious about the company you're talking about. Because none of the businesses around me are like that. The US is a big place, so your area might be different than mine.
No, there's no bus. As I said, there are no public transit options.
The US is behind on some things.
I live in the US and your experience has been similar to mine. There were alot of online applications even 10 years ago, but most places also still had the option of paper applications too. They were slowly being phased out. Covid was the proverbial nail in the coffin for the paper applications. It caused a ton of stuff to switch over to online only.
29 May 2025, 10:26 am
I live in Connecticut but don't want reveal the company to maintain my privacy in case someone tries to put together a registry of people on the Spectrum.
The world has changed so much that it may be a good thing that I saved enough money for early retirement.
I've heard of LGBTQ+ families moving to obtain better health care for their kids. That was totally unheard of when I was a kid. Health care wasn't really an issue back then.
In my experience, a normal person would not be able to remember everything you wrote.
In fact, lot of people will think that something is wrong with you if you display that level of memory recall.
29 May 2025, 11:32 am
The world has changed so much that it may be a good thing that I saved enough money for early retirement.
In my experience, a normal person would not be able to remember everything you wrote.
In fact, lot of people will think that something is wrong with you if you display that level of memory recall.
Sure, if it's something one said in a verbal conversation several days ago, or even on a forum in a different thread. During the course of a single conversation though normal people tend to expect you to remember what they say and get pretty upset if you don't because it's an indicator you're not paying attention. In fact, alot of people will think something is wrong with you if you don't display that level of memory recall.
It should be even easier on a forum in a single thread since, unlike a verbal conversation, its a written conversation so you can always just read it again. Its not unreasonable to expect one to remember or reread the content of a reply that they are replying to, at the very least.
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,092
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
31 May 2025, 4:12 pm
I was typing out a long monologue about how I related to your situation OP but I got tired of it in the middle & figured few would bother to read it so I scratched that & I'll just list some thoughts here.
In regards to handing or submitting cover letters & resumes, it's difficult to have that if you have no work experience & you don't have any college degrees, special licenses, or certifications. About the only things you would have to put is your name, age, & addresses unless you add Please hire me because I really need to have my very first job. If you do that I guarantee you will not get an interview. Someone suggested I try sites like Indeed & while I never tried I think if you have nothing or little to list you will extremely likely never hear from a legitimate job. I've also been advised to try calling the employers after submitting my apps but when I did I got told they get hundreds of apps & do not have time to go through them all. Doing this stuff is a waste of your time.
You're better off applying at places directly by filling out job apps on the companies websites. Keep redoing & submitting your apps every couple months unless you realize you do not meet their requirements. If you get an interview but don't get hired & think you might could meet their essential requirements, submit another app a couple months later like if you didn't get an interview just in case the new hiree doesn't stay or someone else leaves.
I strongly advise you to not mention autism when applying for jobs or during job interviews because in some areas there's lots of negative stigma about autism & they likely will not understand. Best not to go there or even mention having bad social skills. Also do not mention not being able to drive on the apps or during your interviews unless they specifically ask. If you get an interview try to sound enthusiastic about finally having a job & wanting to prove yourself.
I might kinda understand your family's perspective & I'll try explaining it. I bet your family is very frustrated with you still being dependent on them. Times were different when your parents were graduating high-school & they were able to get their first job & move out few years later or they went to college & didn't really have to move back home after graduating. I don't know your family's financial situation but if they're working they may feel they have to work more in order to cover your living & personal expenses. Them being stressed from work while your living there not working could be fueling major resentment, especially if they're working extra or being more frugal with their spending to offset your expenses. They may also be very worried about what would happen to you after they die because if you have no income you will not be able to obtain basic necessities like food without some kind of help. I'm sure you are trying to look for a job but your family can not relate to your situation. Perhaps if you help with household chores more they might get off your case a little because their homelife would be a tad better.
If your diagnosed with autism &/or other issues I advise you to try applying for SSI assuming your not on it already so at least you'd have a small income coming in that you could give your family to help cover your share of expenses. If your on SSI you might could qualify for other help like housing assistance in an area with public transportation.
Also try reaching out to government organizations like voc rehab & your state's department of labor as well as searching online for organizations that might help disabled people find employment &/or become more independent. Explain your situation to them about having autism, not being able to drive, & only having a high-school diploma, & how you've been trying for a decade to get a job with no luck. You could even add that your worried about your family kicking you out & becoming homeless as a result because your not able to contribute your fair share of expenses to the household & they're extremely frustrated with it. I would not feel bad about exaggerating a little about possibly becoming homeless, especially if your family is willing to state how frustrated they are with you still living with them not contributing your full share.
I really wish I had more advice because I get how frustrating this is. I was able to get out of that situation due to having some outside help & a little bit of good luck after a string of no help & no luck but bad.
_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
"Hear all, trust nothing"
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31 May 2025, 8:56 pm
In regards to handing or submitting cover letters & resumes, it's difficult to have that if you have no work experience & you don't have any college degrees, special licenses, or certifications. About the only things you would have to put is your name, age, & addresses unless you add Please hire me because I really need to have my very first job. If you do that I guarantee you will not get an interview. Someone suggested I try sites like Indeed & while I never tried I think if you have nothing or little to list you will extremely likely never hear from a legitimate job. I've also been advised to try calling the employers after submitting my apps but when I did I got told they get hundreds of apps & do not have time to go through them all. Doing this stuff is a waste of your time.
You're better off applying at places directly by filling out job apps on the companies websites. Keep redoing & submitting your apps every couple months unless you realize you do not meet their requirements. If you get an interview but don't get hired & think you might could meet their essential requirements, submit another app a couple months later like if you didn't get an interview just in case the new hiree doesn't stay or someone else leaves.
I strongly advise you to not mention autism when applying for jobs or during job interviews because in some areas there's lots of negative stigma about autism & they likely will not understand. Best not to go there or even mention having bad social skills. Also do not mention not being able to drive on the apps or during your interviews unless they specifically ask. If you get an interview try to sound enthusiastic about finally having a job & wanting to prove yourself.
I might kinda understand your family's perspective & I'll try explaining it. I bet your family is very frustrated with you still being dependent on them. Times were different when your parents were graduating high-school & they were able to get their first job & move out few years later or they went to college & didn't really have to move back home after graduating. I don't know your family's financial situation but if they're working they may feel they have to work more in order to cover your living & personal expenses. Them being stressed from work while your living there not working could be fueling major resentment, especially if they're working extra or being more frugal with their spending to offset your expenses. They may also be very worried about what would happen to you after they die because if you have no income you will not be able to obtain basic necessities like food without some kind of help. I'm sure you are trying to look for a job but your family can not relate to your situation. Perhaps if you help with household chores more they might get off your case a little because their homelife would be a tad better.
If your diagnosed with autism &/or other issues I advise you to try applying for SSI assuming your not on it already so at least you'd have a small income coming in that you could give your family to help cover your share of expenses. If your on SSI you might could qualify for other help like housing assistance in an area with public transportation.
Also try reaching out to government organizations like voc rehab & your state's department of labor as well as searching online for organizations that might help disabled people find employment &/or become more independent. Explain your situation to them about having autism, not being able to drive, & only having a high-school diploma, & how you've been trying for a decade to get a job with no luck. You could even add that your worried about your family kicking you out & becoming homeless as a result because your not able to contribute your fair share of expenses to the household & they're extremely frustrated with it. I would not feel bad about exaggerating a little about possibly becoming homeless, especially if your family is willing to state how frustrated they are with you still living with them not contributing your full share.
I really wish I had more advice because I get how frustrating this is. I was able to get out of that situation due to having some outside help & a little bit of good luck after a string of no help & no luck but bad.
I was told that places keep the applications for a month, so generally I submit one each month to every place within a 30 minute drive that I meet the requirements for, so anything that doesn't require a degree or the ability to drive. I was also advised to call them a few days to a week after submitting the application and then again in another week if nothing comes of the call. I have been, but they usually give some kind of polite canned response that means "no". Nobody's ever bluntly told me that they don't have time to go through all the applications though.
I do put my autism on the applications when they specifically ask about it. I try not to mention my lack of social skills, but I'm fairly certain they're more than obvious to anybody that actually meets me. I'm sure the interviewer would notice both of those things if they gave me an interview. As for the driving, I don't put it on the application. If it asks if I have reliable transportation I say yes. However, in the few interviews I've be given over the years, they have always followed the question with asking if I can drive. The enthusiasm thing is apparently alot harder than it seems? Often when I think I look and sound enthusiastic, happy, etc. other people tell me that I don't, that it doesn't seem like I have an expression or tone.
Sometimes they want me to live on my own and sometimes the want me to stay here forever. Sometimes they want both of those things at the same time and it's really confusing. I do help out alot around the house. And I try my best not to ask for things unless I really need them. I've made sure to get medical and food stamps as well so they don't have to worry about insurance or groceries for me either. I try to make myself as little of a burden as possible. And I've looked into ssi/ssdi before, asked about it when I was applying for the other stuff, and they said I'm very likely just outside the requirements. It's apparently really difficult to get and takes a very long time.
