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What would you suggest for someone who is of early middle age, who has recently discovered they most likely have Asperger's, has spent their entire adult lives suffering from depression, has never been able to succeed personally or professionally, is all alone, and can quite literally no longer face living?

First try to break your problem down into parts. Do you have inattention? Is that effecting your ability to succeed professionally?

Hang out here for a while! Give it a few weeks, and I promise you will find people with similar life stories.

Try to find out what's making you depressed. It's never the item or event in and of itself, but how you react to it.

OK, let's try to break this down a little.

Early middle age can mean anything these days, I'm fifty which probably puts me in the upper age bracket when we look at WP membership.

Recently discovered they had AS. Me too. I only found out two years ago in the middle of a poker game. Doing some research on AS is always a good idea and there are a couple of good books on the subject by a guy called Tony Attwell.

Spent their entire adult life sufferring from depression. Me too, although the episodes of depression are now few and far between. Someday you will learn that depression can never be conquered but it can be suppressed and controlled, even without drugs.

Has never been able to succeed personally or professionally. Define success. For some success is a BMW on the driveway and a Rolex on the wrist, I'm happy with three cats and a good woman who accepts me the way I am. Sit down with a blank sheet of paper and write down some realistic goals then work on them one by one.

All alone. Well, I have no family and no living relatives but I do have my girlfriend. AS sufferers seem to have very few friends because we suck at the social side of things. I've always said that one secret to conquering loneliness is to join a club or society that covers one of your interests, be it ham radio, jazz, movies or whatever.

Can no longer face living. Now, I admit that this may be linked to your depression but you need to tell us more here. Why is life so bad at the moment?

Ed Almos

I am forty two.

Until very recently I had never heard of Asperger's. I always thought my problems were incidental. I just thought I was someone who was physically uncoordinated, socially awkward, not capable of focusing on more than one thing at a time, and who was obsessed with trivialities. I had always assumed my problems were due to depression I had suffered as a result of problems since childhood. My parents were divorced when I was five. I never took it well and had a very hard time adapting to things.

My father gave up trying to be my parent when I was eight because he got remarried and began having a new family. I had a stepfather who was a good man. He was a man of good character with a strong moral and ethical compass, a strong work ethic, and a belief in persistence in life. He cared but he was not an especially warm, good natured, easy going kind of person.

I always envied people who knew what they wanted to do in life. I was never drawn to anything. In my twenties for lack of anything better I decided to go to college for the same thing my stepfather and coincidentally my father did. I went to school for a degree in secondary education, social studies. I had some problems and had to repeat some classes but eventually graduated. However I discovered during my student teaching practicum in my senior year that teaching was not for me. I was not able to succeed in the practicum and couldn't get a state teaching certificate.

I kept a part time job at a local supermarket chain through college and for many years afterwards because they offered union health insurance benefits among others.

With the rise of the internet age and because I thought I had an aptitude for using computers I went to a local voc tech school and enrolled in a program to learn how to program and develop websites. I eventually got a job in web development but got laid off after about five years. This was about a year and a half ago. I now see that it was due to my inability to adapt to the changing demands of the business.

I had eventually been inspired by a coworker to lose weight and try to get into shape. Its ashame it didn't happen before I ate and drank myself into type 2 diabetes but at least I have lost fifty pounds and kept that under control since I was diagnosed. Another ten or fifteen pounds and I will be close to an ideal weight.

I have almost never had a positive image of myself. I was always overweight. I have never had the courage, the self-confidence, or the inclination to be anything more than alone. I went through years of therapy as an adult trying to deal with the depression. I never realized until now that Asperger's seems to encompass all of the commonalities between all of the things I have had problems with and a lot of the traits I have always displayed.

I guess it must seem very conceited and egotistical to say that I have suicidal impulses, that I don't want to live like this and that I have missed too much of what most people have in life to continue to make life worth living.

My name is Fred and thanks for listening.

I think the first thing to do is work on your depression. If you're depressed, you'll have no energy and anything you try on the social side is unlikely to work because of the depression itself, which is likely to make you feel even worse (been there). Get medical help if at all possible, exercise more (endorphins - just do whatever form of exercise is more enjoyable/bearable for you), do things you enjoy, take caffeine but get a good night's sleep. sunlight is also supposed to be good against depression. Avoid alcohol as it's a depressant.

jx67409,

I am a bit older than you, and learned about AS when I was about your age. I spent most of my adult life suffering with depression, never succeeded personally, and professionally headed down a bad road. I am all alone too. I was even suicidal!

So you aren't the only one.

I think you mean Tony Attwood.

As for what I'd suggest, take it easy on yourself. Since you've worked out what's probably causing some of your problems you can work on them - and have a much brighter future than was previously in store.

Hi, Fred. Have you ever been treated for depression? I think you should try to find a doc right away. When depression gets this bad you're not really thinking straight anymore, and you shouldn't expect to be able to fix this on your own. Like arem says, now that you've isolated the likely cause of your problems, there's no reason why things couldn't improve in the future. Hang in there, and get help right away.

Hello, Fred.

I learned about AS when I was about your age, and like you, until then, I just thought I was a bit of a wreck; it was as though everybody else had some kind of key or password that I wasn't privy to.

You don't sound conceited or egotistical at all to me. Please stick around on the forum and talk to us - I've only recently joined it, and there are some wonderful people here. People who understand when I describe an experience I've had, or something that I have difficulty with; people who can say, "Oh, yeah, I do that, too!" and can often offer ways of getting round or through it.

And by the way, I think you write extremely well.