I recently ended up spending a thousand dollars on a adult camsite. I feel disgusted with myself and see how much this addiction has truly taken from me. It led me to lose a wonderful job. It took thousands of dollars for me over the course of the past five years. If it wasn't for an act of God I would have kept on spending. When I was using the camsite recently I was using my debit card and by what I believe was an act of God it began to decline my charges. I had money to continue but luckily somehow it wouldn't let me.
I inwardly knew exactly what that happened when the charges were declined. A part of me was frustrated but the other part was very thankful. I realized tonight as I was laying in my bed that I am done with this addiction for good. It is a destroyer and eventually if you go far enough it will take everything. I also am beginning to see that addiction has an element of choice. I could have walked away. I could have said I'm not doing this but I didn't. I said in my mind "I don't care. I'm going to do it anyway". I think I have finally woken up and pray I can keep this mindset. I have been thinking about joining a support group. I've thought about a support group before but never saw it through. I want to do it now. I feel shame about what happened but also a peace that God was there and is waiting for me to make the choice that I don't want to do this anymore.
