Did your former bullies ever contact you in adulthod?

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Did your ex-bullies ever try to contact you in adulthood? What did they tell you then if so? Did they try to appologize? How did you behave then?

Two or three years ago, one of my former bullies from elementary school, sent me a message on FB: "Hi, M., weren't we in the same class by any chance?" "Yes" I replied "but what's the matter? We have never been the best friends back then, after all."

He... never replied. I wonder why he contacted me then - I suspect he just wanted to find out if that weird girl he remembered from his past, grew up to be a woman just as weird (well, to tell the truth, that's true, for you can't get rid of your ASD).

Did you ever have a similar experience? How did it end for you?

While I like to forgive and forget, I couldn't with a bully I had. She started off with being my friend at 17, then at 19 she began bullying me quite viciously. I had to get my phone number changed and was afraid to go out for a while.
I hadn't seen or heard from her until I was 21, when I bumped into her in town and she asked if she could have my phone number. Then she sent me a request on Facebook. I think she was maybe putting the past behind her, and maybe I should have just forgiven her, but I felt I couldn't really trust her again and didn't want to become involved again, so I subtly turned her away. Maybe I should find her on Facebook again and see if we can be friends again, as we're both in our 30s now so I'm sure she's grown up a lot.

Not by means of social media, Facebook or X or the like.

One (female) bully I saw in train. Another on a station of a place where I didn't expect him.

If an ex-bully sincerely apologize to me, I am open for it. I won't shut the door.

I had a talk with the femaly bully. She was a young attractive woman. She bullied me, because she was in love with me. Then why was she bullying me? She told: "You ignored me." I: "Sorry, I didn't see a difference between bullying or teasing and flirting." If a woman flirts with me, it can still be a trick.

The male bully also apologized, but we both were busy, so the apology was not followed by a talk, unlike with the woman.

No.

I need nothing from them and they need nothing for me.

Well if they did need anything from me, they will get nothing.


Should any former bully tried to apologize to me...

... I'll just rise an eyebrow in confusion and annoyance, ask what the hell are they talking about -- that they're just one of the many any other ignorant and flawed human.

An ignorant human kid, even more so.

I already have my own closure.
Them? That's their problem.

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No, and I'd probably play dumb if one tried, just insist I don't have any recollection of them.

I've run into several of my "milder" highschool bullies in University and one in my work. All of them were extremely polite and courteous and wanted to swap phone numbers. easier to fake amnesia

However I've run into three "serious" bullies in University and they were a different story. two saw me and looked through me like I didn't exist. I guess they didn't want a reminder of being a sociopath. One of them tried to continue as if we were still in highschool but tried to make light of it. I made it clear I did not want to breath the same air and he got the message.

My 2 cents:
I concur with Edna.

Respect and forgiveness are earned, if 'just' given them become empty concepts devoid of meaning or value.

I did not have my highschool bullies come up to me but does a "loser dad" count?
He left us when I was 6 and I never saw or heard from him until I was 40 years old.
He found an email address of mine and contacted me on this. The trauma of not having him and seeing my mom suffer because of this left some scars. So I invited him to a talk face 2 face where beforehand i stipulated to him that forgiveness are earned and that the get together would be mainly for my benefit, as I wanted to express to him clearly the impacts his actions had on us. He sat there and took it. I did give him the opportunity to express his side of the story, which is also a basic principle of mine, always allow for a defense, response, as I am but a flawed human I see this as an absolute. I got together with him several times after that as his side of the story sounded 'reasonable' and he was fully accepting the impacts I have indicated. Now we have not a father son relationship, but a relationship. which imho is better than none... If this was a highschool bully with no blood relation, I would have left it at the first face to face

kind regards,
Kada

funny how friendly people can be if they want something from you. One former bully contacted me when he wanted to sell life insurance to me. One contacted me when he was trying to sell his house. one of the worst of my bullies follows me on FB and has tried to "friend" me a couple of times, I just decline that offer. I heard that one of the worst of my bullies passed away recently and I could only feel relief. Trauma may evolve but I don't think it ever really goes away. We find different ways to deal with it as we grow and change, but those memories show me the true nature of those people even 50 years later and I still want nothing to do with any of them.

I've never been contacted by former bullies ... that would be so creepy and surreal.

I didn't really have much actual "bullies"... it's more that I was the bully but this person that I caused harm to because I lost a contest named Breana recently contacted me and I guess she has forgotten about the whole incident?

I blame Autism for what I did!! !

If I could go back in time I would erase that entire part of my life, I didn't mean to hurt her!

-> Nice catch Maestra autisticelders, ps: i like your blog, some truly inspired writing to be found there.[/quote]

thank you dsb

I'd be a little creeped out if I had an encounter with a former bully.

I was once walking with my brother at a train station, several months after he graduated from high school. we ran into one of his bullies who tormented him for years. He took one look at my brother and ran away as fast as he could. My brother chased the little weasel around the block but the fear of a well deserved thrashing propelled him to run faster than Usain Bolt.

I contacted two former friends-turned-bullies who turned against me, whom I'll call Ivy and Torey. One turned against me in the middle of 8th grade, the other in 9th grade (middle school in my district). Why did I contact them? First, an incident last year stirred a memory in me that prompted me to write a blog post.

This spring and summer, I wrote 4 follow-ups to them-- as of 7/17/25-- I have one more to write. Also, in the spring, I was visiting my family and flipping through my 7th-grade yearbook and looking at the nice messages that Ivy and Torey had written to me. Thinking about how Ivy was once one of my best friends and that Torey played a huge role in turning Ivy and the rest of the friend group against me, I thought, "What happened? Why did it happen? How COULD it have happened?"

Later, I was reading the updated edition of the memoir "Please Stop Laughing at Me" by bullying survivor Jodee Blanco. She made the decision to go to her high school reunion, where her former classmates surprised her with apologies. Now she's friends with a lot of them.

I found myself wishing there was a reunion where I could confront Ivy and Torey, but we were zoned for different high schools, and there sure as hell aren't middle school reunions. I thought if anything I should wait for them to come to me, but I thought, "What am I doing? It was 30 years ago. They were kids. And I bet they've thought about this. And maybe they were worried about hurting me worse by reaching out."

I added both Ivy and Torey on Facebook and Instagram in June. I decided to sit on it before messaging them, and I hoped they would see my posts about autism and links to my blog, do the math, and contact me. Because, well, what was I going to do? Message them and say, "Hi, you owe me an apology?" I needed to take this slowly. Well, Ivy read my blog post "Sober Reflection About Sober Reflection." She left a comment, apologizing for how she hurt me. We talked it out on Facebook Messenger. Her continued message to me was this: "I f****d up." And she said, "I don't want you going through life thinking this was your fault. It wasn't." I asked if she wanted to talk on Zoom but... it turns out she has a kid on the spectrum! This is a kid who needs to be monitored pretty regularly, so she really can't Zoom. Or at least this is what she says. Maybe it's too awkward for her, I dunno. Anyway, she said she never considered contacting me because she said she was sure I'd never want to hear from her again.

Anyway, I finally messaged Torey the other day. After we talked a bit, I finally addressed the elephant in the room... but as I was hitting "sent" on my message about 9th grade, she sent me a message telling me she needed to apologize. She said what she did was horrible and inexcusable, and it's been haunting her for the past 30 years. She wanted to reach out to me but she didn't because she was worried it would reopen old wounds for me.

Anyway, Torey and I talked it out and even had a Zoom call. While Ivy doesn't seem super interested in rebuilding our friendship, Torey does. She's actually moving back to our hometown, and next time I visit the area I'm going to see her.

So yes, sometimes it really can help to reach out to these people. It can be really healing. However, just be prepared for the possibility that some of these people haven't outgrown their a**hole phase, and you should be prepared to accept that possibility. However, I think in many cases, you will find closure and healing.