Struggling To Make Friends In My Age Group

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Hi Everyone, I'm a Millennial and spend much of my time alone. Not by choice, but because I find it really hard to make friends. If I do make a friend, I find to hard to maintain the friendships. Most of the activities I do are ones where you would typically be alone: like for instance, going to the library. It could be that I have spent much of my time alone, or that when I do go out (ie : to a nightclub or places where I would naturally interact with others) I just feel awkward and my insecurities get the best of me. I just start to feel like I don't know what I'm doing, or maybe I'm not doing something right.

For those of you who have made and sustained friendships, what tips or advice could you give me that might help me with the issues I have related to friendships ?

What kinds of books do you like to read? Any specific topics or genres?

If there are any specific topics or genres you are especially fond of, there might be some relevant groups or events you could attend, outside of the library, where you could meet people who share your reading tastes.

Also, is there anything else you often do at the library, besides read and take out books?


What kinds of nightclubs do you go to? Ordinary, garden-variety nightclubs, or niche subculture nightclubs?

A problem with nightclubs, especially the more ordinary mainstream ones, is that there is no natural common focus, no specific natural topic of conversation. (For many of us, nightclubs also have other problems, such as music so loud you can't even hear what the other person is saying.)

IMO it is much less awkward to meet people in places where there is a specific common interest drawing people together.


I would suggest that you seek out places where you can find people who share at least some of your interests and/or values. Not every such person will become your friend, but at least you will have a natural starting point.

I would also suggest that, when seeking potential friends, you not limit yourself to people in your immediate age group. Be open to the possibility of discovering other commonalities more important than age. Furthermore, people outside your immediate age group might tend to be more tolerant of your eccentricities. So, if you happen to run into a friendly person who shares some of your more important interests and values, don't refuse to talk to that person merely because they are outside of a narrow age range.

(But do limit yourself to adults! -- especially for more than just friendship, of course! And, as a 34-year-old, it's probably best to limit yourself to people over 25 or so.)

Throughout my adult life, the majority of my friends have been far apart from me in age. Most have been quite a bit older. A few have been quite a bit younger. Right now is one of the few times in my life when I've had a fairly close friend who was almost exactly my age.