I think it was my fault I was bullied at work

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I should have just admitted that I'd taken his chocolate bar. But he intimidated me and I denied it because I panicked. I didn't have the guts to face him, so I just put it right by replacing the chocolate bar I had taken with another chocolate bar the next day.

I know it was a stupid thing to do to take the chocolate bar. I'm not the type to steal, but it was just one of those things that I did on impulse and didn't think - because I thought the chocolate was for everyone, as it was placed on a table where food for everyone is always placed for people to help themselves.

It's not that I took the chocolate bar he bullied me about, it's the fact that I had denied it. I thought NTs liked liars. That's what I'm always reading on autism sites.

Now I feel depressed, being reminded of it all again, even though the bully has gone. I was talking to a colleague about it today. I wish I hadn't, as the colleague was kinda on his side (even though he's nice).

I don't know, I'm just so stupid. I don't think I'll ever get over this.

The word "gaslighting" was used in our conversation. That word reminds me of a narcissist bully, or is gaslighting something we've all done before at some point in our lives as human beings?

I thought gaslighting meant more like playing with people's emotions, like bitchiness and pettiness, not just denying taking a chocolate bar and worrying about it when being cornered by a rather intimidating person when the "fight and flight" instinct kicked in.

f**k ups happen, I've done similar things before because I made assumptions before asking! And then panicked and lied lol. It always turns out so much better when you own up to a brain fart right away, I've learned that the hard way. Peope usually see the funny side.
But it's not the end of the world, you replaced the chocolate. I understand your embarrassment!!

I once started using a random belt at the gym not long after I joined but then a staff member came up and said it's for sale! I did apologise and said I got mixed up and thought they were for anyone to use. But I felt like a right twat for not noticing that they looked brand new.

Thanks for replying.

Usually I do own up to mistakes, but in this incident I just didn't, because I panicked. I was a bit afraid of this guy. But it just looked like I brought all this bullying from him on myself. Is that what is supposed to happen? If you make one mistake that didn't hurt anyone's feelings they get to bully you?

If you've apologised and admitted to your mistake then I'd say it should be done with

The fact they're carrying it on says more about them than it does you

People enjoy slinging the "gaslighting" thing around without really understanding what it means

You've not gaslighted anyone
You've not lied in order to confuse a person or make them second guess their own sanity

You took a chocolate bar that you mistakenly thought was there for the taking

Not really but they are better at it. They don't know what they like and you should never do it... unless well... nobody seems to know... Many untruths are 'not really a lie'. Sometimes not allowed to tell the truth. Just a joke... Just messing with you...
It is allowed, even expected in publicity and marketing. But also not always ("false advertising" but all advertising is false...).

Also better equipped at dealing with it when caught (practice makes perfect? ).
Apologise/shake hands do not work (did they in kindergarten? feels to me like a 'you have to say thank you' issue...) Perhaps they don't because so often forced and insincere

Don't feel too guilty for too long... Yes you made a mistake. He needs to get over it too. Easier said than done

am wondering if it might be how he presented the issue. or accosted you . Its darn near impossible if a fight or flight situation ...'To get around it ', your response is ingrained , It will be a pattern you will very possibly default to underr all situations that cause that sort of trigger .? Just maybe ?.. If you get even a inkling that the situation ,might go that direction . Best you might do if lucky ? Excuse yourself immediately, might give youself achance to back up before you react to the trigger .
And maybe by yourself for a few, or longer, and perhaps think it through ...what a better response could be coming from your end of the situationß maybe? Your only responsibile for comes out of your own mouth ..?

He shouldn't have left it where he did if he didn't want it taken.

If he hadn't been so confrontational, I wouldn't have had to lie. If he had just put his food in the fridge or somewhere else, I wouldn't have thought it was for everyone. I felt too embarrassed to admit it and I didn't know he'd turn it into such a big deal. If that were me who had a chocolate bar taken that had been lying around in a place where that mistake could have easily been done by anyone, I wouldn't angrily go around asking everyone individually if they'd taken it. I'd assume that someone had made the mistake, and maybe said to a coworker "somebody's eaten my chocolate bar" - to which they'd probably respond with "well best not leave it there".
I wanted to say to him "well maybe you shouldn't leave your food there", but I didn't want to get into an argument with him.

I was telling my other coworker about the bullying and that I nearly had a nervous breakdown last Christmas because of it all, and that my cousin had said she'll see to the bully if he keeps giving me a hard time, and the coworker said, "well you did take his chocolate bar and lied about it. That's gaslighting. You shouldn't send your cousin on to him over something so trivial. He has young kids."
The bully left in June, so I can't apologise or put it right now, but I'm still not over what happened last Christmas. This sounds like I'm "playing the victim" here, but he done so much more than just dislike me for lying. He was playing tit for tat, only in a bitchy way, and I can't be doing with that. He took a picture of me while I was on my phone (being on phone is something EVERYONE there, including him, does), printed it off, and showed it to the supervisor, and I got into trouble. I know why that was done - it was because if there's a photo of me doing something wrong then I wouldn't be able to deny it, and if I asked him if he'd taken the photo (which I know he did), he probably would have denied it, just like I did about taking his chocolate bar.

The best thing he could have done was take something of mine, if he wanted to get even with me. What he did was get the whole workplace involved and I got in trouble. That's worse than taking a chocolate bar and denying it. That was just a little error between me and him. I didn't get the whole workplace involved.

I really hate those tit for tat games. I strive for a peaceful life, I don't go around "getting people back", because I really can't be bothered with all that. People make mistakes, people lie sometimes, get over it.

He just didn't like you mate. And that's his problem not yours

It could have been gold bullion, he would have reacted the same

It happens and it's really really horrible when someone has that kind of personality trait where they enjoy seeing other people get into trouble

It happened to me as well

I actually feel for you

I don't think it's too unusual for these things to play in your mind either

If you get accused of something you've not done and people are telling you that it's all your own fault then that's hell for anyone

I was accused of being racist in the workplace just because of a difference of opinion and clash of personality

It went around the office and I couldn't defend myself either

The truth of the matter did eventually come out after months and months but the damage had already been done

I lived in fear for my life over that and I'm not even exaggerating

We've had racism in the workplace but being so I am mostly surrounded by conservatives they got away with it. I wasn't racist though, but I still wouldn't try and "get them back" for being racist. I don't have the energy for all that.

My husband said it was just a white lie, not one that actually hurt anybody. But it still keeps playing on my mind and makes me feel artful and cunning. Generally I'm an honest person, not "autistic honest" but I just mean honest as in loyal. But sometimes I do lie when I feel it'll save my ass and I shouldn't have to be bullied for it. It's like I fired a water pistol at him and he got me back by firing a machine gun at me. At least fire a water pistol back, not give me a social death sentence.

I think he has shaped the way some of the others see me now, and having RSD this can really be frightening for me. Often I see money lying about, being put in random places, and I get that feeling that people are doing that to test me, to see if I'll take it. I hate being branded as a thief and a liar when those aren't really traits of mine. ADHD impulses can make me misunderstood at times. I'm not saying what I did was right, but who hasn't done something wrong at some point in their lives?

Yeah I know and it's not right that you have to be made to feel guilty when you're clearly not

Give yourself a break. You've done nothing wrong

Sometimes things get amplified in the workplace as well. You have to spend quite a considerable amount of time with people who you would otherwise cross the street to avoid

I can remember being driven insane by one of my colleagues and I couldn't stand him in work and I wished he wasn't there but outside work I got in really well with him

He was just a lazy so and so to work with

And learn to listen to your husband. He's on your side and he's the one who knows you the best

My husband has dealt with liars. He's been lied to and cheated on and hurt by his ex-wife, so to him the worst I can do is take a chocolate bar from a coworker and deny it is laughable. But I still don't like being branded a lying thief at work. I can imagine all the times that bully stood and ran me down to the others there. The bully was a contractor, not an employee, and he was the most dishonest of all because he'd claim 10 hours off the company but only work 6, so the company were paying him £30 an hour for not even being there, and when he was there he'd use the company phone to chat to his friends. That's way more wrong and dishonest than what I did. So I think he has a cheek to bully me when he's no perfect saint himself. I know I'm not perfect either but I don't bully others when they're not.

It just hurts when others take his side. "Well you did take his chocolate bar and deny it". I wish a missing chocolate bar was all I had to worry about lol. During that time I was going through financial hardship and couldn't afford lunch, so I'd sometimes take the food offered at work (not all of it, just one of whatever was provided for everyone - which was on the same table as the bully kept his food, unnamed). There's him earning £30 an hour (which some of it he stole from the company), and there was me on low wages baring scraping by with a husband out of a job (before he retired). Sometimes when you're that poor you have to scrounge. That's another reason I denied taking his chocolate, I felt embarrassed.

I was going to ask if you had financial problems at the time and if you was hungry

I used to take cheap tins of soup into work and dried noodles for the sales people when they were struggling and I was in a better financial situation.
People don't realise that some people who work go through financial hardship

Being cold and hungry is the pits and I'm sorry you was in that situation

I only know you from here but I'd say you're a decent person and you're still learning just like we all are

Maybe it's best not to ask people's opinion about this in work anymore if that's the only feedback anyone is giving you