Has anyone ignored or missed YOUR hints??

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Jayo
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22 Dec 2025, 4:21 pm

I know this is a rather unusual topic from the "Aspie perspective", as we typically find ourselves on the [non-] receiving end of missed hints from NTs :P but have you ever had a situation where YOU gave some hint, in NT fashion, and found it was either missed or ignored (or maybe couldn't tell which??)

Some people have said that neurodivergent people still retain some sporadic NT-like behaviours, i.e. they're not "fully autistic", so I'm thinking that any hinted / implied communication we use may be part of that manifesting.

While I can't recall offhand any concrete instances of my using hints that were missed, I can recall more than one time where some of us had agreed to head out somewhere, and I'd used hints like "Oh! It looks like it's 2:45 already!" or "Oh! Time sure is moving on, look at the clock!" but then the people receiving the hint didn't seem to realize what I was getting at; to them, it was like a neutral comment. I've also used hints about certain housework around my two daughters, and it seemed to go over their heads - but my wife who's NT picked up on it, and told them directly to help (they're all neurotypical).

I actually got in the habit of proactively and consciously communicating in hints more, as part of a blending in or "masking" strategy...but must admit, it was uncanny about how often such hints were missed, and it made me wonder how "socially handicapped" we really are. However, I can recall at least one incident with a former toxic housemate where he wouldn't seem to acknowledge it and I suspect it was deliberate (passive-aggressive), as a form of "payback" for me rubbing him the wrong way. But most of the time, I think it's an innocent oversight. If anything, it proves that we could all benefit from communicating more directly - but I get the impetus for indirect communication, it's done out of a sense of PRIDE, and not wishing to be seen as "begging" for something, putting one's self-respect foremost.



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26 Dec 2025, 8:55 pm

yeah
i get steamrolled repeatedly.
especially recently by people with adhd.



Edna3362
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27 Dec 2025, 8:23 am

What hints?

I already told them I have issues with how overwhelmingly discomfortable I'm in this body, like how I'm too prone to infections and sneezing and breathing issues.
And they told me I have issues with attitude.

I asked them for solutions and help me.
And they told me to change my views over it. :roll:

I accidentally got something that manages that.
Then they have a gall to start helping me now???


:roll: :roll: :roll:
HUH? :D


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Arabian_Ivy
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27 Dec 2025, 10:19 am

I only drop hints in emergencies. It's fine if they miss it.



Tamaya
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27 Dec 2025, 10:53 am

Sometimes my husband answers a rhetorical question, which is really annoying, being so I'm not known to lack the "correct" tone of voice when I'm speaking.


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Fishyfisherton
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27 Dec 2025, 3:52 pm

I do drop hints but they get missed a lot so I don't know if I'm dropping them hard enough or relying too much on mind reading. I'm too shy and conflict averse at times and that leads to dropping hard to pick-up hints. On the other hand, sometimes people read hints that I didn't actually drop!


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Jayo
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27 Dec 2025, 5:26 pm

Fishyfisherton wrote:
I do drop hints but they get missed a lot so I don't know if I'm dropping them hard enough or relying too much on mind reading. I'm too shy and conflict averse at times and that leads to dropping hard to pick-up hints. On the other hand, sometimes people read hints that I didn't actually drop!


OK, by this do you mean that they read into hints that you unconsciously left - but otherwise their read & response matched your intent?? Or that they completely misinterpreted something you did/said as a hint?

If the latter, yeah, I can totally see something like that happening to us "Aspie folk"...sigh.



Fishyfisherton
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27 Dec 2025, 8:33 pm

Jayo wrote:
Fishyfisherton wrote:
I do drop hints but they get missed a lot so I don't know if I'm dropping them hard enough or relying too much on mind reading. I'm too shy and conflict averse at times and that leads to dropping hard to pick-up hints. On the other hand, sometimes people read hints that I didn't actually drop!


OK, by this do you mean that they read into hints that you unconsciously left - but otherwise their read & response matched your intent?? Or that they completely misinterpreted something you did/said as a hint?

If the latter, yeah, I can totally see something like that happening to us "Aspie folk"...sigh.


They misinterpret what I said as a hint. Or misinterpret my facial expression as a hint. Like thinking I'm grumpy at them when I'm not.
At a recent meal out I was talking about someone I met the year before at the same event, who gave me a lift home and the people across from me assumed I was hinting at wanting a lift. But I was just describing the setting (his car) inwhich we had a long conversation. I did get a lift out of it but that wasn't at all what I was trying to say, if I need a lift home I'll ask outright.


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Jayo
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27 Dec 2025, 8:39 pm

Fishyfisherton wrote:
Jayo wrote:
Fishyfisherton wrote:
I do drop hints but they get missed a lot so I don't know if I'm dropping them hard enough or relying too much on mind reading. I'm too shy and conflict averse at times and that leads to dropping hard to pick-up hints. On the other hand, sometimes people read hints that I didn't actually drop!


OK, by this do you mean that they read into hints that you unconsciously left - but otherwise their read & response matched your intent?? Or that they completely misinterpreted something you did/said as a hint?

If the latter, yeah, I can totally see something like that happening to us "Aspie folk"...sigh.


They misinterpret what I said as a hint. Or misinterpret my facial expression as a hint. Like thinking I'm grumpy at them when I'm not.
At a recent meal out I was talking about someone I met the year before at the same event, who gave me a lift home and the people across from me assumed I was hinting at wanting a lift. But I was just describing the setting (his car) inwhich we had a long conversation. I did get a lift out of it but that wasn't at all what I was trying to say, if I need a lift home I'll ask outright.


Oh, well in that case, I can definitely see how neurotypicals would take THAT as a hint!! Like I've said before, the general rule of "hint alerts" is to think of a circumstance in which someone would want to conserve their self-respect by not being viewed as "begging" for something.

But not to worry, you didn't do anything wrong... there was nothing rude or embarassing by the exchange; it just reveals the thought processes of NTs. :)

FWIW, and IME, I've had folks ask me directly if they could trouble me for a lift, and I've had no problem with it at all; I've also been on the other side of that exchange, and it went smoothly.