Unpredictability/Sudden Changes

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Hi, I just wanted to know if anyone ever gets angry or frustrated when there is sudden changes or something you're not told about in advance. I have my own car and I drive but sometimes my parents would like to take my vehicle to go somewhere if we're going together. For some weird reason and I don't know why I get angry when I'm not told that in advance. My parents have their own vehicle and they sometimes take it but other times they want to take mine for things like eating out or going somewhere.

They never though tell me in advance and it just gets me frustrated. I think because I honestly don't like driving sometimes but feel funny letting my parents drive my car so then I feel like I have to drive. I feel bad because it sounds so childish and petty but sometimes I guess I have what's called a meltdown over it. I am guessing that's what I experience. I've had an issue with sudden changes since I was younger. I was just curious if anyone else ever experiences the same thing.

Depends on the change, if the sudden change is being invited to a random activity when I'm already bored then I'm all for it. Or if someone surprises me with a nice favour or gift then I like that. Any random change that I myself decide on is fine too.

But if I have something planned out or already have pre-set expectations of, and those expectations aren't met then I am pretty angry yeah. Eg finding out about a venue change last minute or a food change or a train delay or something like that makes me want to cry with rage (or sometimes confusion/nerves). It could be super insignificant in the grand scheme of things but it doesn't feel that way. I do adapt eventually. I had to postpone a cinema trip by 2 hours a few days ago because I didn't realise I booked a subtitled version, and I didn't want that. So swapped my seat for a later showing. I expected to be home at a different time and I already had a really long day. I was killing time in a pub but felt like crying for no reason on and off. I didn't want to cancel either because that's even more of a deviation and I would enjoy myself in a couple of hours anyway. It all worked out well in the end.

I have a way of doing some activities that makes me vastly prefer doing them alone. Because doing it socially means having to consider what they want to do and potentially doing it in the wrong order and for too long/not long enough. Activities like visiting towns and shopping in them or going to the gym (moreso the walk I do on the way there that involves getting coffee from this one place etc etc.) But I can and do invite others when I feel like it and work through the frustration.
One thing I can't compromise on is the zoo. I only invite specific people with the same animal interests or who won't mind parting ways and meeting up later. When I visit zoos alone I watch apes (main interest), mostly chimps and bonobos. At one of my usual zoos I get a cofee, do bonobos first, then chimps, whatever else takes my fancy for half an hour, then back to bonobos until home time. At another zoo I oscillate between chimps and orangutans but always bookend with chimps. Inviting people is very hit or miss because if I haven't been able to do my usual yet then I get very irritable. I had a really unpleasant zoo trip last year with one friend (she brought a toddler she babysits who I didn't invite, and I got lost trying to find owls her son wanted to see) I hadn't been to bonobos yet and it was nearly 3pm so I told her we'll catch up later because I'm about to lose my s**t. She understood and set me free lol. I'm even stricter about zoos being a me-time activity after that day. I'm not usually the strictest routines person, too scatterbrained and easily bored to keep them up, until it's ape watching sessions then I'm every stereotype in the book.

Yes ... unexpected or last minute changes can completely turn me off to many many situations/ interactions .
For a number of years I had to do business with people whom did not keep schedules or commitments , when they made them. But always expected me to be on time .Left me with a very sour taste in my mouth ( so to speak)
Big swaths of self employed people seem to do that in the midwest. Yes fighting off meltdown reactions became the norm. With these people . And it really seems like they just do Not care .

I believe this is the primary reason why my brother doesn't want me to get married!! !

He hates change!

I've had major problems with unpredictability & sudden changes at home if they were unexpected or inconvenienced me in some way. I've had LOTS of meltdowns with my parents due to them expecting me to do something at kind of the last minute or I was planning to go somewhere specific with them like eating out & my parents changed their mind around the time I started getting prepared to go or while we're out they decide not to go where I thought we were going. My parents had structure & routine in their jobs & they wanted their home time to be more flexible & not plan things out exactly which is incompatible with a kid who kinda needs routine & predictability. I hate being bothered at the last minute & I hate getting my hopes up for something I like that seems kind of planned only to be disappointed when it doesn't happen.

I've had lots of meltdowns with my current girlfriend due to this after we moved in together. She kind of needs & likes routine at home but she has various mental & physical health issues that limit her with going out. Various times we planned to go somewhere like shopping & we set an alarm to wake up early but after I get up she changed her mind about going. I hate waking up early for nothing. She has a very inconsistent schedule sometimes due to visiting family & needing time to wind down & sometimes nap after getting back. I already have a somewhat inconsistent schedule due to her & me waking up & waiting around for nothing is more frustrating. Me getting on an anti-psychotic to prevent meltdowns helped as well as Cass more often deciding to do things a little later in the same day instead of rescheduling for a different day & me being inconvenienced two different days. I'm a lot more laid back & easy going about that & other things these days.

I've had lots of meltdowns in my two previous relationships as well. They were mostly long-distance & when I'm in a relationship my life kinda revolves around my romantic partner.
My first girlfriend had issues with drugs & alcohol & she admitted she cheated on me with her ex because he offered her coke; the cheating happened after she did the coke so she probably was taken advantage of. I had problems trusting her after & if I didn't hear from her when I was supposed to I had anxiety attacks worrying something happened & I took it out on her when I did hear from her
I had some meltdowns in my second relationship as well when I didn't hear from her. I wasn't worried something happened to her because she didn't get into trouble but she was majorly wanting to be more independent & wanted a bit more space. Our relationship was not really viable long-term but I got controlling in an attempt to force it to work. I realized some of my meltdowns were related to anxiety & I got on an anxiety med & I improved some but she broke up with me shortly after. Thinking about things right after made me think my OCD was involved & I got on an OCD medication.
I got in my current relationship shortly after & I didn't have those meltdowns when we were long-distance. I never had them after we moved in together & she was visiting family for a few days & she wouldn't check in for a while. I guess being on a good psych med combo & living with her instead of my parents is a major help as well as working on myself in other ways. I majorly hate myself for the way I acted/reacted in my two previous relationships & I always will. If I could go back in time I'd kill myself before getting in my first relationship because she probably would of been better off. I cant change the past though so the best I can do is try to learn from it & do better now.

i have massive issues with changes especially when someone like my parents say they will do something with me at a certain time and then they dont or they do but later or earlier especially when im rushed to do something i wasn't told about. having to go away somewhere randomly i also get very angry well there.

This happened to me one year on Canada Day. Dean said that he'd take Teresa, Barb and I to the Canada Day celebration but he changed his mind at the last minute. Not only did that happen. I also didn't get to have my afternoon tea that day and Teresa turned against me because I had qualms about mainstream society.

Anger and frustration usually arise as a result of a conflict between expectations and reality. This is aggravated if the encounter is sudden and unexpected.

I got this big time after brain damage from starting and abruptly stopping an SSRI. So you are right - it isn't a sign of brain and nervous system health I imagine. The fact that you are aware of this is huge in my opinion, and you have a right to be proud of that!

To play with social interpretation, many Neurotypical people do not like other people to touch, use, or drive their cars.

I have a narcissistic egotistical cousin who will never let me drive his car, be it the cheap used sports car he had, the Prius, or his new Tesla. He is a bit neurodivergent though.

I think someone driving the car has the potential of changing it and making it unfamiliar for your afterward, which is a distraction, or can damage it.

One way to think about it may be - do you want to be a person who values the emotional safety of other people not just preventing damage or changes to important objects. So try to balance the safety of your car, with the emotional safety of your parents. This can mean being overly polite and tactful and quiet and slow when reacting to them doing it or talking about it.