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GoatOnFire
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10 Sep 2007, 10:47 pm

I think that it is a social thing that you are supposed to use the other person's name when you are talking to them. It doesn't feel natural at all to me, I've really had to work on it. I hate it when I'm asked what my name is too because I have a very unusual name and people usually have to ask me several times before they get it right and make me repeat it several times whhich makes me feel awkward.


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nobodyzdream
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10 Sep 2007, 10:52 pm

I never know anybody by their name. My neighbor I have known for over 2 years is still "the neighbor lady".


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serenity
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10 Sep 2007, 11:00 pm

I feel really uncomfortable using people's names. I always have. Even when I'm typing an e-mail to someone I cringe every time I write the opening line Hi (insert name). I worry that people will think that I'm odd, or impersonal if I don't use their name when I'm greeting them, so I've been working on it.
I also don't like hearing my own name. Especially, when it's the name of a character on a TV show or movie. I've gotten so uncomfortable about this that I've left the room when my name is said repetitively during a show or a movie. Thankfully, I don't have a very popular name! :)



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10 Sep 2007, 11:13 pm

All of the above.

One time my friend asked me if I even knew his name, since he had never heard me say it. Also it annoys me when people use my name "in vain." Like when my dad has to say my name at the beginning of every sentence when he's talking to me, even when it's obvious that he has my attention.



CentralFLM
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10 Sep 2007, 11:17 pm

So why is this? What is the big deal about us using other's names?



sinsboldly
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10 Sep 2007, 11:32 pm

its too intimate. . .or an obvious attempt to dominate



iceb
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10 Sep 2007, 11:32 pm

Not too big a problem if I can remember the persons name but I do find it a bit uncomfortable.
I can get someone's name embarrassingly wrong :oops:
I have been unable to tell somebody something because I am unable to remember or do not know the name of the third party I need to refer to, to say what I need to say.


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krex
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11 Sep 2007, 12:52 am

sinsboldly wrote:
I can't stand for anyone to use my real name, just too many bad feelings with it, so I have people call me a different name. After a while I can't stand them calling me that, either.

I rarely call anyone by their name, because of he name/face thing. Also I get embarassed because it seems so intimate. I was taught as a child to use Miss/ Mr. /Mrs. and later I incorporated Ms But I can't think. . oh wait. . they called me Ms ZZZZZ just the other day at the checkout at the grocery store. . .and I freaked!

But I heard once that the sound of one's own name is the sweetest sound to them. Personally I can't believe it, the fear rush I get is anything but sweet and the adrenaline's metallic taste in my mouth and the jump start to my heart I can do without.


Merle



What you are describing sounds a lot like what I experienced whenever my parents used my name....it meant I was in big trouble for something and was about to be lectured and punished.Do you think this could be whats going on for you?

I also feel weird when called "mam" by store people.....it's like they think I'm old or something 8O


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Cooper
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11 Sep 2007, 7:06 am

Wow, so many things that I thought were just me are really common here! I have problems using names for the reasons others have mentioned, either I'm afraid I've got the wrong name (because of my bad memory of names and my face-blindness), or I'm afraid that I'm addressing someone with the wrong level of formality (first name vs. Mr. or Ms. or Dr.)



Deefor4
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11 Sep 2007, 7:11 am

Yes, a lot of this sounds familiar to me, too. I rarely use people's names - it feels odd and awkward when I try to. And I'm always terrified I've got the wrong name, too.



Sora
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11 Sep 2007, 7:26 am

I always had the same problem in my childhood. Gladly, I don't anymore, because I was forced to exercise calling people by their respective names when I changed school often.
I know why it was hard for me once: Calling someone by his or her name made the impression on me that I was invading their personal space. It felt as if I was telling everybody a very juicy secret about that person or that I took something very dear away from them.

It's nice to read that there are others who dislike being called by their name. It still irks me at times and I can't explain why I feel that way.



Amarantha
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12 Sep 2007, 5:34 am

I feel awkward using peoples' names to get their attention. I usually just stand nearby until they notice I'm there and then start talking.



nellos121
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12 Sep 2007, 5:46 am

I have a problem in so far as -

If someone tells me they think your name is Bill, then I am properly introduced to you, and your name is Frank. I will forever be confused as to your name, and not call you by your name incase I get it wrong. It never full asserts itself as to which one of the two you are. It becomes a 50/50 guess from then on. Doesnt seem to happen with anything else, only peoples names. This might be a dyslexia thing though.

Does anyone else get that?

I also worry about the formailty thing, when Mr Smith has told me to call him Jim, I still have a problem.



woodsman25
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12 Sep 2007, 6:00 am

CentralFLM wrote:
Another problem I have is calling someone by their first name. I don't know why. I can feel pretty safe calling someone by their name if is a family member, however my I called my wife by her first name a few years back and she was shocked. She said it sounded wierd me calling her by her name because I never do it. I didn't even realize it at the time. However, I almost scared to call people by their name in the fear that I may have the wrong name linked with their face. This of course is a trait with severe autistics.


Heh, indeed, if I only know someone a little bit I still have a hard time knowing their name, or putting it with their face, or even, sometimes recognizing their face unless they are in a place where I know that person usually is and theirfor it has to be them.

I know even sometimes people I know only a little bit, like perhapse just met, I have been known to call them the wrong name, its weird cause sometimes their name will disapear from my memory and so ill eather forget or call them something else, im horrible for faces and names, tho im a very mild autistic, and thats a sign supposedly of severe autism???


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Eialune
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12 Sep 2007, 8:44 am

I develop nicknames for everybody that I care about - even my cats. My husband is "muffin" - to most people this just seems like a sappy endearment, but it's actually my internal label for him. I'll cal him "muffin" in an otherwise completely objective conversation when he's not even presence. He calls me "muffin" as well - it's actually really upsetting for me when he calls me by my name, and when I use his name it doesn't feel right... like talking to someone and then realizing you're looking at a cardboard cutout.

Mostly for people I have to refer to by name, I call them "The ____". Like "The Joshie" or "The Scott." My cats are "The Fluffy," "The Dumb," and various other adjectives. I usually refer to strangers by their relationship to me or to someone close to me.

Right now I'm facing a really difficult challenge. I just got married, and I can't take his last name. Nobody is being very understanding about it. I tell them "I won't remember it," and they think I'm joking, or that "it's not me," and they think I'm just exaggerating because it'll take awhile to get used to. I can't make them understand that there is NO getting used to it for me. My name is my name and the only other name I'll accept is Eialune. I think of Eialune as my soul-name; it's the only thing to call myself that actually feels like it refers to me and not my body.


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