Feeling anxious about new people starting at work

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I used to be okay with meeting new people at work, but because of all the bullying I had experienced that went on for about a year, I've now become shy about new people starting in case they turn out to be bullies too, and knowing I'm an easy target because of my stupidity, I know that I'd be their victim. It's even worse when they have a strong personality and are liked by everyone else and they bully me by snitching on me or slandering me behind my back and ruining my reputation. Having RSD I can be very sensitive to this.

I find rule-following in the workplace difficult to remember, and this often sets off bullying. Then I start beating myself up about it because it feels self-inflicted, even though I do these stupid things on impulse without considering the consequences. One thing I do know is I don't hurt other people and I don't cause dramas and I don't snitch on others. What I can sometimes do is petty, victimless "crime", though the word "crime" is a melodramatic word in this context, but I can't think of another word. For example, due to my difficulties adapting to the workplace structure, I may break a health and safety rule and someone may report me, not because they're protecting me but because they're just being bitchy and want to stir things. I know this when I see them breaking the same rules themselves and get away with it. I hate people like that.

I wish someone at their interview could inform them that I have ADHD and that I might do stupid things without realising and that bullying me is not the right way to approach it. (Joking).

I think this is what's been making me feel a bit depressed lately. It's incredible what bullies can do to your brain.

When are they starting

I'm not sure. It seems to take ages getting new people for some reason, but I heard they're getting three. I'm just nervous of new people now, such as coworkers or neighbours, because they're hard to avoid if they don't like you. I mean it's okay for people not to like me for whatever reason, but I just wish they wouldn't show it by making my life as miserable as they can, when all I want is a peaceful life. It's bad enough that I have to work at all, so the last thing I need is for people to give a reason to not want to come to work.

Some people are very sly as well aren't they

You do have friends at work though don't you

I am very sorry that anxiety is the flip-side of a sensitive nature.

If they are half-way decent they will see that you are conscientious and sincere.

Stress is hard on the body so take good care

I hope they will arrive soon and be nice so you can stop worrying about it.

Oh you know that isn't true.


I know it's awful when people are unkind, but please try not to let them make you doubt yourself. You're lovely. You're always acting in good faith. The bullies are the ones with a problem.

Yes, I do have friends there.

Thanks Kuen.
It's just difficult when you get a bully who has so much social power. It's like you're comfortable with having your own little "family" at work, as in safe people, only for some jerk to start and sort of take over and create drama among you, picking on you the most because you wear your heart on your sleeves (verbally or non-verbally).

The last bully that was there caused so much grief that I nearly had a nervous breakdown because of him. He was very extroverted and held this social power among everyone. He got the whole garage involved when trying to grass me up, and after that I felt really anxious when he was around. I felt like he was watching me and taking photos of me whenever it looked like I was slacking, and he was best friends with the supervisor (also a bully). Both men are gone now, much to my relief, but it still has left me with this social anxiety of meeting new people, something I didn't really have before.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it was just one person starting, but three. We don't even need three.

There's no accounting for the way people operate is there and you're not confrontational either

Have you spoke to anyone about these photos
What are they being used for
I'm not even sure if that's legal

You're an easy target for them unfortunately
You're not really confrontational
You're polite
You always try and see things from other people's perspective
You try to be diplomatic
You want to be fair to people even when they're obviously trying to harm you
And you wear your heart on your sleeve
And all those things are beautiful to people who aren't interested in taking advantage of you

But bullies love all of these things because they see it all as a means to get some kind of control or to get in with the boss or they're using you to gain something and it's got nothing to do with you either. You could be anyone. They do not care about you Tamaya

Sorry I can't be of any help Tamaya

Just be careful who you trust

Maybe it's time you started snitching

Everyone does it apparently

The supervisor we used to have (the bully's best friend) loved people grassing each other up and so had no objection to the photo. It was only AFTER both had gone was when another incident occurred regarding taking photos to grass (unrelated to me) actually resulted in a notice being put up about taking photos of each other without their consent is a violation of their privacy and could result in suspension. It was such a shame that happened after both the bullies had gone, because I could have used that against them.

I don't care if somebody is breaking the rules in the workplace, I would never grass them up. I have figured that taking photos to grass people up in the workplace, no matter what they're doing, is usually a form of bullying because of someone having a problem with someone else. Because they wouldn't take pictures to grass up their mates, would they? So it's usually done out of spite, wanting to get people into trouble.

See, if I had been the supervisor and some little s**t came running to me waving a printed out photo of other employees talking or looking at their phones or whatever, I would say ask him if they were affecting him in any way, to which he'd most likely reply with, "no, but..." and then I would have said "I would appreciate it if you did not take pictures of my staff and to not get involved in what others are doing in future if it is not affecting you in any way. This is called stirring, and if you have a problem with this person then I'll deal with it."

The amount of meltdowns and panic attacks I'd had when they were there. But anxiety and RSD can make me furious and not know how to regulate my emotions. Annoyingly I clam up around bullies, being unable to assert myself due to fear of more backfiring, so that is why I become frustrated and emotional to others, sometimes in an exaggerated way, not to get sympathy but just as a cry for help in distress. And it is real distress, not an attention-seeking act that I'm afraid some may construe it as.

Thanks for your kind words, BB. I'm also an easy target because of my impulsive acts and difficulty with conforming to rules. My ADHD means a short attention span and sometimes I need to take little short breaks from what I'm doing, just to slow my brain down a bit and refocus. I mean I'm a good, capable worker, I have a very good attendance record, and I never upset others or make trouble, but some of my impulsive decisions can cause some people to target me, even after I've put things right. They seem to think I'm a bad person, like mistaking my ADHD and social awkwardness for bad traits that make me deserve a social death sentence.


Well it is usually me who is an easy target for them, especially when they want power. They have power over others by coming across as charismatic and loud and funny, but have power over me by subtly bullying me in ways that is my word against his. I really hate those types of bullies because they're very clever and know how to play the system.


It's okay. It's why I wish I didn't have to go to work. It's why I become so anxious and bitter whenever people say I won't be able to ever retire and have to work for the rest of my life, as by the time I reach 66 the pension age would have been raised to like 90. I just want to be at home every day, pottering about like a housewife, with no stupid rules or the chance of running into bullies.

I can't do it though lol. It's just not in me. Whenever I see people doing something odd that I might feel is not right, I then think that there's probably a reason or explanation as to why they're doing it, or I'm just not thinking of stupid rules, so I just let them carry on and not make it my business. I remember when I first started working there, mechanics were smoking indoors, which was the first time I'd ever seen that in the workplace, plus I don't like smoking. But I didn't go and grass them up, because I looked around and everyone seemed chill about it, also they'd been working there longer than I had, so I just shrugged it off and let them carry on. Nobody likes a snitch, which is why bullies are careful whom they snitch on and how they do it.

I've also noticed that you have a need for instant gratification

Meaning you can't wait for a response online in particular

This can also cause unwanted attention

You are a massive target for bullies and the like Tamaya

Yeah but when it's something personal that hurts you and makes you feel like not wanting to work there then it might be a good idea to just take notes and times and pass it on to a manager

You're the main important person. You're too kind to these people and they don't even care one jot about you

They're never as clever as they think they are but that's up to you to see that for yourself

People who piggyback on people such as yourself to gain power aren't very smart. They're weak and they don't actually have much going for them personality wise either

I've heard people say to ignore them

It's true and ignoring them does work but first you have to learn that they don't have any power at all

It's an illusion but you have to see through that yourself. No one can do that for you