Do any of you struggle with self blame?

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Do any of you struggle with self blame? I feel like blaming myself for things that aren't my fault. For example, my friend told me on the phone the other day her other friend (can't remember what exactly she said) is struggling at job and I said I'm sorry. And then my friend says it's not your fault which I feel doesn't make any sense for her to say. Because of my self esteem, a new trigger is I don't like it when someone says something isn't my fault even though I know it isn't. Weird thoughts in my mind I can't escape.

No, I blame myself quite easily. It's hardly a struggle at all.

^^^_ that was a funny answer.

Yes.

I suffer with self-blame. I still hold guilty feelings about my mother getting cancer, because of the stress I put upon her from when I was 4 years old to when I was 24 years old. She got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when I was 27, but even so, twenty years of suffering with such challenging behaviour from me wore her thin.

The reason I feel responsible for her unfortunate fate is because I have joined up all the dots:

"Stress causes cancer"
My mother had more stress than her siblings did
She had me, a problem child
Her siblings had NT children
She got stage 4 cancer and died
Her siblings, so far, haven't got cancer

So the answer is brief and to the point. It doesn't take a genius to work that out.

I find that advice hard to accept, because to me it feels that something is not convincing enough for me until at least one other person knows too. It's just a way of confirmation I think, even if I know it's true. It's why I decided to get myself assessed and diagnosed with ADHD. I 100% knew I had it but it still didn't feel "real" until it was confirmed by somebody else.
A bit like my obsessively searching for any tiny hint of discussion about my favourite composer being on the spectrum, just me relating to his traits or believing he's on the spectrum wasn't enough, I needed at least one other person to have seen the same in him as I do - even if it's just a fan, or the bloke next door, or somewhere on a discussion forum, it didn't need to be confirmed in a textbook or by a professional historian, it just needed to be at least noticed by somebody, anybody, even by a person with Dementia would do.

If you're trying to impress your employer for a chance of a promotion and somebody comes along and messes your work up and you can't prove it's them and from your employer's perspective it looks like you're not doing your job properly, only you knowing you are doing a good job will not get you that promotion. The employer needs to know that as well, or at least other coworkers for back up.

I'm not attacking you or your uncle Nobby by the way lol, I'm just saying I personally can't relate to the advice.

It's about seeking external validation. Maybe it's an NT thing. While I'm not strictly NT I still can resonate a lot with the NT thinking styles, rather than the black and white clichés autistic people often live by (nothing to do with your uncle, I'm just speaking from my own experiences).

My girlfriend is on the spectrum & was raised with some extreme beliefs pushed onto her like thoughts have power where if she a negative thought about something or someone & then something bad happens it's her fault because she had the thought. She was also taught by her family & society that she's not worth anything except when she's being useful to others. She feels very guilty when her family is feeling bad or going through a hard time & there's something she could potentially do that might could help a tad even if it means having a very one-sided relationship with them & majorly neglecting her owns needs & physical & mental health. She has bad OCD & it tells her she's a horrible person for not doing everything she possibly can to help. I've been trying to entourage her to take care of herself more & tell her that she cant be there for others when neglecting herself causes her to break down. She only judges herself by those harsh standards & I often point that out to her. I don't have any advice to add here & really wish I did.

Emphatically, no.

Yes i blame myself a lot. Especially before knowing i had autism i always thought my existence is a mistake

Honestly, and I'm trying to be objective, every serious problem in my life is my own fault.

1,000 yes!

I blame myself for everything, all the time. Things that don't even make sense. Simple Things, complicated things, mediocre things. Things that I didn't even have anything to do with.

Yes, I struggle with that too. Once a coworker missed a deadline and I kept replaying our last conversation, convinced I’d distracted them somehow. They later clarified it had nothing to do with me, but my brain wouldn’t let it go. You’re not alone.