Would you defer telling your parents and siblings if:

Post Reply New Topic

- You had a 6yo son diagnosed with AS 3 months ago.
- You only see your parents, siblings & their families 3-4 times per year.
- You know your parents have no understanding of high functioning autism.
- If you gave them a 1 page definition of AS, you know they would be very surprised and likely go into denial.
- Despite this you know your mother will worry a lot and talk a lot to everyone she knows.


I guess I’ve answered my own question. They don’t need to know.

I’m a 39 yo male. I haven’t sought my mum’s counsel for over 20 years, basically because I usually disagree with her views. The strange thing is, when we first got the diagnosis (and my emotions were more influential than usual) I really wanted to tell mum all about it. My wife strongly advised against it and I followed her advice.

When I talk to mum & she asks after everyone, I’ll just have to get used to not saying anything about AS even though, with the diagnosis still being recent, AS & our beautiful boy are so closely linked in my thoughts.

I told my mom. She didn't know what AS was before, but it only took a few minutes for her to start understanding it and totally see that I have it. I haven't told my dad yet. Not intentionally avoiding it, just haven't really had time. Husband is still in semi-denial.

Hello Earthshine2112,

We have 2 sons with Asperger's - we told all our family. My family were super supportive. My in-laws were in denial for a long, long time but they're slowly coming around.

My mother-in-law was in denial for a long time. But she talked to a lot of her friends and discovered a few of them have grandchildren with Asperger's. So now she's accepted the diagnosis. She's accepted the weekly psychology sessions, the homeschooling 1 day/week etc

My father-in-law has come around and now takes our sons to chess tournaments and plays chess with them every week. He is very patient with them and has stopped teasing them. He used to tease them until they cried and nothing I would say would make him stop. Since telling him about the diagnosis, he has stopped teasing them.

Why would you not tell them? They have no understanding of HFA now, but if you give them information they may make an effort to learn more.

You and your wife are a team. I definantly wouldn't go behind her back and tell your family. Discuss it with her first if you want to tell them.

I was like that for a while, but now when I look at our beautiful boys, they are just "my darling boys".

By the way, you sound like a fantastic Dad. Good on you for taking so much effort to find out more about AS!

Welcome to WP.

Helen

we haven't told my parents basically because they are clueless........they don't visit, they only call when they need something.
i, too, had the urge to tell my parents once we got the dx because i wanted to feel supported~wanted to feel that someone would be out there to help me pick up the pieces and move on............then i remembered who my parents were. i've confided in good friends & my aunt~ they've helped me and my family through some tough times. having support from someone who can empathize and possibly offer meaningful suggestions is invaluable.

You have to do what's best for you and your boy. Someday, when they are ready to understand, you can explain it all. By then you will be at a different stage as well. Right now it is all pretty fresh and it is like you're grieving. Find some other parents or a group that has experience with AS and you will find the support you need. Finding this forum is a GREAT start, as are the groups on Yahoo. Those people have helped me through some dark days.
That said, your parents surely love your son and would want you to remember that. They will keep loving him even after you tell them. Someday you could probably do that.
We have all been there, and we are all with you.