Did you know that Aspies don't get married?

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ChatBrat
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17 Nov 2007, 2:12 pm

Well, in this one section of the DSM criteria for Aspergers, it says

Quote:

(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

Does the person fail to respond to other peoples emotions or attempts at socializing?

But in that section, there are 4 criteria to choose from and you only have to have 2 of them. So some people are going to have a lot of trouble with showing emotions and other people will either have no trouble with it at all or hardly at all. Same with being social. Some people are crippled by it and others aren't.

I think the media too often portrays most Aspies as having severe trouble in this area.

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Belle77
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17 Nov 2007, 4:57 pm

DeaconBlues wrote:

So, not only am I twice-married (and once-divorced), I have even procreated!

I'm also twice-married (and once-divorced), but don't plan on procreating...not that there's anything wrong with it. :wink:

Belle77
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17 Nov 2007, 5:06 pm

Wolfpup wrote:

Thanks for the update Belle77! Don't take this the wrong way, but I was laughing out loud at how incompetent that person was! Just ridiculous.

I think the situation I'm in is going to be similarly worthless. The guy talks to me for maybe 15 minutes, doesn't ask a single question related to Asperger's, and then starts the generic psych testing. And now I have to wait a month for the "results". :roll:

I absolutely don't take your comment the wrong way, because I do find the situation quite comical...despite the fact that it's been screwing with my life.

But I have high hopes for my new pdoc. We haven't really discussed AS yet since it was my first appointment with him and we mostly talked about my current terrible depression, anxiety and financial situation. But the notes that I left with him include a lot of information about why I believe that I have AS, and that it's the root of why I've ended up in this terrible situation. So we shall see how my next appointment goes.

I truly hope that things start going well in your quest for a diagnosis Wolfpup!

jamesohgoodie
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18 Nov 2007, 11:43 pm

i don't want to get married, but for a completely different reason. there's a huge history of divorce in my family. i have 13 aunts and uncles, everyone's been married at least twice, including my parents.

but saying Aspies don't get married is ridiculous. this person clearly doesn't know what they're talking about. this is why i don't try to seek treatment for my HFA. i tried as a kid, it really screwed me up and if possible made things worse. and the shrink didn't seem interested in curing me, rather she seemed more interested in taking my parents money and having them keep coming back each week. i eventually figured out s**t on my own and i'm much happier for it.

cosmiccat
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19 Nov 2007, 9:44 am

I'm sixty-five years old. I've been married for forty-eight years. I only recently found out that I have Asperger's Syndrome. My primary physician believes my self-diagnosis is highly accurate and is in the process of finding a psychologist qualified to diagnosis me. I want the diagnosis for my peace of mind and also to shed light on problems my children and grandchildren are having. I see no valid reason why people with AS should not be able to have a long lasting intimate relationship and/or marriage. I think, in my particular case, time, or "the times" was on my side. In 1959 when I met and married my husband (I was sixteen, he was eighteen) traditional male-female roles and values were still firmly in place. On the surface at least. Also, as someone has mentioned, all neuro-typical people are not alike. My husband is not the typical neuro-typical and we have personalities, interests and abilities that compliment each other. The areas and skills where I am lacking, he excels in and vice versa. It hasn't always been easy, We are both stubborn and from the beginning we were both determined not to let anyone have the pleasure of being able to say "I told you so" about the odds against our marriage being a loving and long lasting lifetime union.

ChatBrat
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19 Nov 2007, 1:57 pm

I have a quick question

Cosmiccat, what did you say to your dr that makes him think that you likely do have Asperger's? Did you have to go over all your symptoms with him or was he just making a judgment on you because of the way you act and talk or? I am curious because I am a 48 year old female who think that I have AS, too. I just feel so inept at knowing what to say. I've had too many physical illnesses which makes me feel like a hypochondriac or hysterical, as it is. (Typical for people with Fibromyalgia) I don't want to come off as "well here she goes again."

cosmiccat
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19 Nov 2007, 4:08 pm

ChatBrat wrote:

Well, you sound much like me "feeling like a hypochondriac or hysterical". I was worried how he was going to react and was really happily surprised that he was so receptive. I too have had so many physical symptoms that kept me going back to the doctor more for reassurance that I wasn't dying, or suffering from one morbid condition or another, so I can understand exactly how you feel. The medical profession and my own family get worn out by my constant worrying over my health. I have a condition called Supra Ventricular Tachacardia which is pretty much under control, with only episodes occurring every 3-6 months. But I also have almost constant anxiety and panic attacks frequently, and my doctor actually witnessed one which is to my benefit as he saw how bizarre my behavior was right in his office. He also made a remark to me once when I was seeing him to follow up on an ER visit that diagnosed me with Gall Bladder Disease. So I told my doctor, who wanted me to see a surgeon, that I was not going to have surgery, that I didn't believe the GB dx. The remark he made to me was "Well, you are an adult, you know." This made me think that he could see that I was not an "ordinary" adult, and that I was "arrested developmentally, or emotionally. I just took a chance and opened up to him and very glad that I did.

I wrote a list of all my symptoms and personality traits (34, but I could have come up with more) and he seemed very interested in the list. I told him I believed that Asperger's was at the root of all the problems and symptoms I had been coming to see him about over the years, and he could see that these problems were on my list. I also gave him the transcript of my first encounter on WP when I introduced myself and told my story for the first time. He also advised me not to see a psychiatrist because he knows I don't like to take medication and most psychiatrists would want to put me on medication because that's what they generally do.

Kind of a lengthy reply to your quick question, hope it is helpful.

ChatBrat
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19 Nov 2007, 4:49 pm

cosmiccat wrote:

I have a condition called Supra Ventricular Tachacardia which is pretty much under control, with only episodes occurring every 3-6 months.

OMG No way! I just went to the dr a couple of weeks ago with this! I've had the symptoms before, but never as severe as a couple weeks ago, and I had never gone to the dr with it before. I always figured it was my Mitral Valve Prolapse that was causing the problem! So anyway, I went to the dr and he said from the description of my symptoms from the night before, that his guess would be that I have SVT. He said I could hold my breath and squeeze my stomach muscles down or hold my breath, to reset the heart.

He said if I had too many of these episodes or they didn't stop after a couple of hours, I could go to the ER and they could give me a medicine to STOP MY HEART and that it would start back up again in like 11 (or did he say 13?) seconds. He said if my heart didn't start back up again, they'd have a crash cart waiting right next to me and they jump start my heart. I said NO WAY! I would NEVER do that. He said the condition was usually benign, so I told him as long as it was benign, I'd rather put up with a heart that acts up like that than to die for 10 seconds and then take a chance on not being revived. GEES! LOL

Yeah we do have some similarities, don't we? I imagine that there are a lot of us older adults that have suffered needlessly with AS and have had various things blamed on other things. Or accused of not being adult enough, or accused of being too old. I really really want validation... I am just so scared to discuss it with my dr. Maybe I'll get brave one of these days.\

And this all ties in to the relationship and marriage thing if you think about it. Being AS and not knowing it for so long, and having so many failed relationships and friendships.

cosmiccat
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19 Nov 2007, 10:52 pm

ChatBrat wrote:

cosmiccat wrote:

I have a condition called Supra Ventricular Tachacardia which is pretty much under control, with only episodes occurring every 3-6 months.

ChatBrat wrote:

Quote:

I've had this for 23 years. At first, my doctor (not the one I'm seeing now) said it was PAT (Paroxysmal Atrial Tachacardia) caused by Mitral Vlave Prolapse. Ten years later I went to an expert who said there was no clinical evidence to back up MVP and after I underwent an Elecrto Physiology study it was determined that I had SVT. The doctor actually said "This is not going to kill you. It's what we call a "Nuisance Disorder". He showed me several maneuvers to get my heart back into its normal rhythm same as your doctor did. He also told me to take Inderol (Propranalol) if I couldn't get the episode to stop within an hour or so and go to the ER. It sounds like our docs are pretty much on the same page. I know a young girl (22) who gets these and was getting them so often that she had to stay in bed. They corrected her problem with a tecnique called "oblation" - so it's not just older folks and they are very scary as I'm sure you can attest to.

ChatBrat wrote:

Quote:

Yeah we do have some similarities, don't we? I imagine that there are a lot of us older adults that have suffered needlessly with AS and have had various things blamed on other things. Or accused of not being adult enough, or accused of being too old. I really really want validation... I am just so scared to discuss it with my dr. Maybe I'll get brave one of these days.\

We certainly do have similarities. And I am really beginning to believe that the SVT's (which are caused by too much stimulation to my nervous system) are a type of meltdown. Too much stress, physical and mental, even good stress like making settlement on our "dream" home (a trailer in the woods), and I get overloaded and "poof" . This could certainly be the case for you as well. Do you get dizzy spells as well?

Since this thread is about marriage, I should point out that meltdowns, panic and almost constant anxiety is very hard on a marriage or any relationship really. My symptoms have ruined many special occasions for my husband and family. That's another reason why diagnosis is so important. After a while, when you keep getting the same old problems, doctors, people and even family begin to suspect that you cause these things to happen in order to get attention. :roll:

I can find a lot more pleasant ways to get attention than that. Attention seeking? More like Torture seeking. :roll:

I don't think so. Good Luck with getting your diagnosis. I'll pm my list if you like.

ChatBrat wrote:

Quote:

And this all ties in to the relationship and marriage thing if you think about it. Being AS and not knowing it for so long, and having so many failed relationships and friendships.

Absolutely agree.

Drool_Thingy
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20 Nov 2007, 3:03 am

I've never received the impression from a lot of the mental health professionals I've seen that they really think these disorders through on a deeper level. They just go down the list and make some idiotic assessment. I'd bet that most of the people who post on the forum know more about autism than the average therapist/mental health professional.

cosmiccat
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20 Nov 2007, 4:35 pm

Marriage brings one into fatal connection with custom and tradition, and traditions and customs are like the wind and weather, altogether incalculable.
Soren Kierkegaard

HandyAndy
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20 Nov 2007, 5:52 pm

I guess I don't have AS since I've been married for 20 years . Gee

I think the opinion that people with AS do not seek out relationships is bunk . Its just harder for us to find a mate given our quirky natures . Ozzy Osborne is quite off his rocker but Black Sabbath's "Never Say Die" struck a chord in me . I think that when you get older you realize that life is quite finite and there's only so many seconds you will have to worry , be depressed , have fun , accomplish things etc. so you might as well have fun and accomplish things . Most folks I know would tell you I am also 'off my rocker crazy' but I don't have time to dwell on that (was I happier when I cared , no) .
I think I'm living proof that life is what you make of it because I have fun in spite of the symptoms . A poster in my work office says "Attitude is a small thing that makes big things happen ". I know this seems like a lot of Rah-Rah BS , but it works for me .

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