A Terrible Dream-A Harsh Realization

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I first got up around 5AM, honest, yet incomplete intentions of cleaning the apartment kitchen/bathroom floors. After asking some apartment mates across my room (fully awake, interestingly enough) about some shower cleaner, being reminded that they would clean the shower, returned to my dorm to sort my thoughts out, as I seem to do from time to time; while resting on the bed.

That rest quickly turned to sleep; and it began.

I was in a resturaunt, a seafood restaurant I believe. While I cannot remember what I was eating, that's not important; it was I was doing rather than eating. One of my habits is walking around, thinking aloud quietly. The walking bit helps me think; the thinking aloud is a consequence of becoming absorbed in my thinking, becoming only dimly aware of the world around me. After talking with the cashier about some subject of little interest to her, I then left the restaurant; I don't know why, but I think I completely forgot about my meal.

The next day(?), I returned; this time, the restaurant's proprietor wanted to see me. The stern look, and repressed anger were obvious signs I was in deep s**t; he told me about how my actions disturbed his customers and employees, himself included. Then, he put on a recording of last nights news; as I slumbered, the news had one subject: me. Not me, so much as it was my behavior; I had quickly gained the reputation of being some deranged lunatic, the whole town feeling unsafe by my presence. So you see, this incident at the restaurant was not the whole reason; it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I watched in stunned silence; some of my professors, even one I held as a close friend was pulled by to answer questions. After this segment closed with an interview w/the restaurant owner, the owner's anger started seeping out, though only as a deep hatred; "Your actions are disturbing my customers; get out, I never want to see your face around here."

I went back to my dorm, knowing in my gut the nightmare would not end there; I would soon be proven right. I found my dorm mates there; the looked at me stunned as the news rolled. It as an update; in Boston, a house was burning; it was my grandparents house. It was official; I was national news, and not good by any stretch. My parents were there too, my dad quietly furious; my mom weeping, asking why. I merely backed away, my eyes stinging hot with oncoming tears: "I'-I'm so sorry..." were the only words I could utter.

I ran to the library, in tears; the campus was dead empty, everyone crowded in the student center or dorms for the news; I ran to a place where I usually study, and broke down...to add insult to the injury, a good friend of mine there seemed to be waiting for me; since he used my name, I'll substitute it. "Enki...you blew it; just get out, give up; you're done." Sudden;y it hit me; I'm done, my reputation shattered forever; my parents having disowned me, and no place wanting anything to do with me, there was only one place to go; the local asylum.

This dream was disturbing in how real it seemed; almost like a premonition. Then it hit me again, this time while awake; my behavior, what I say and do, affects how everyone sees me. The dream as a template of what my happen if I don't straighten out. It dawned on me that what I think about norms is irrelevant, I have to comply with them. No one said I had to like them, or even agree with them, but that too is irrelevant.

Yes, the rules NTs set forth for everyone are ones I cannot follow naturally; but, if I want to get anywhere, I just have to play the part. They too play the the part; even though it doesn't reflect them. They do it to get/keep a job; woo a spouse; make friends; and just to communicate. It made me realize that "honesty", the absolute truth, has few places in social reality; it's really show business. "Give 'em what they want". It is just the way it works...

I part with you, to go get ready for the day; not to mention that those floors won't mop themselves.

The dream doesn't sound like a premonition. It sounds like your frustration and fear about subject right here.

You just need to relax and enjoy yourself. Know that you are worthwhile is a person. And if you can't do that on your own, talk to someone. You'll stop dreaming like this soon enough afterward

I agree with the previous poster, not premonition but frustration.

Enki, you dreamt "the owner's anger started seeping out, though only as a deep hatred; "Your actions are disturbing my customers; get out, I never want to see your face around here." I have this same "daydream" every time I have an interview or approach something new. It's scary that this is how we think automatically, how we approach the world. Or how we percieve it to be approaching us. Dozens of sales and self-help books later, all the positive thinking in the world still hasn't dislodged this persistant little mind troll from my mental bridge; it demands I pay a fare anytime I try to get ahead in life. There have been moments and events where I've got past him, but not without throwing him some kind of bone...

But it doesn't have to be a premonition, take it as a challenge. Get your troll repellent or harpoon and spear that sucker. Or, if you're not the fighting type, talk to him, make him some coffee (slip a little valium in it first) and ask him why he's so adamant on blocking your way. Tell him what it is you want to do, and see if you can talk him into it. Instead of "I never want to see you again!", tell him you want to imagine "So can I see you tomorrow?"

If this doesn't work, shoot the bastard.

I have periods where I dream things that seem so real I loose track of what is dream/real.
I think the characters in dreams are an expression of the different conscious/subconscious thoughts we have about ourselves so this is not a dream about what other people are thinking of you but what your anxieties are thinking about you.
It is your desire to follow the rules and your anxiety to fit in that is fueling this and your self-hatred for not being able to do this that is being expressed.
I think that the pressure on yourself to become more NT is not going to help and will cause more anxiety and you need to try chill out about it.

In regards to premonition, as an Aspie you should know that is not possible.

If being unusual makes you uncomfortable, of course you'll have such dreams. But don't worry about it. In reality, I highly doubt that people are going to be made to feel 'unsafe' by any AS traits, much less hate you.

I mean, when you're young, it can happen in school because some children are more likely to react to unusual behaviour with hostility, simply because they can't express themselves adequately enough to talk to you about it (or be satisfied not knowing). Even then, schools are so insane in general that few children even take notice of the behaviour of others. In the case of adults, as well, civilisation is so full of attention-deficit, obsessive-compulsive, schizotypal, schizophrenic, and bi-polar disorders that Asperger Syndrome is unlikely to be noticed by anyone who has not studied it.

14-24 year olds are bound to be the worst, or adults still stuck in a high school/college state of mind, especially if you are of a similar age and the same sex. The most effective responses I've used:

• Politely explain yourself.
• Nod and concede their point while reminding them of yours.
• Shake your head patronisingly.
• Grin knowingly.

Yeah, happened to me all the time as a child.

I dreamt some nonexistent movies, in fact, and I know that now, but I still like describing them to relatives and suggesting they look them up.

Its not premonition, but it is a little gain of theory of mind. you realize more deeply that your actions have an effect.

That doesnt make you immoral, stupid or unlikeable.