Board index › Age/Gender related discussions › In-Depth Adult Life Discussion

Recognising "social fullfilment"

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

Ahaseurus2000
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,546
Location: auckland

26 Oct 2007, 4:04 am

I remember reading that some people with AS feel socially and emotionally isolated. I was thinking about past social interaction, and wondered, how do you tell you are properly bonding or bonded (socially) with someone? Is there a feeling, maybe emotional or psychological, or someother subjective feedback or signal? or is it in the way you and the other person behave?



schleppenheimer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,584

26 Oct 2007, 6:54 am

I think that, when you are bonding with NT's, there's head-nodding, smiling, laughing at things that you share in common, etc.

With AS, the bonding is in the sharing (intensely) of the same interest. There may be less of the smiling, head-nodding, laughing, and more of the idea of two people working toward the same goal or finding out more about the shared interest.

Both groups just enjoy the feeling that another person "gets it", that they understand what's going on inside your mind. I think that the smiling, head-nodding and laughing is just an indication that another person "gets it."

Kris



Cernunnos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 834
Location: Nottingham Castle

26 Oct 2007, 9:40 am

I think it's going pretty well when they don't start backing out of the room in the first 30 seconds of meeting me :D



EvilKimEvil
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2007
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,671

26 Oct 2007, 10:39 am

I no longer worry about social bonding, and I don't feel isolated, even though I am by NT standards. My friendships always revolve around common interests. To me, talking about a common interest is bonding, I guess. I've found NTs who seem to enjoy this type of "bonding" as well as the traditional type for them. I know they don't see me as a close friend because I don't bond their way, but I don't care.



Weirdobird
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2007
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 215

28 Oct 2007, 9:22 am

Ahaseurus2000 wrote:
I remember reading that some people with AS feel socially and emotionally isolated. I was thinking about past social interaction, and wondered, how do you tell you are properly bonding or bonded (socially) with someone? Is there a feeling, maybe emotional or psychological, or someother subjective feedback or signal? or is it in the way you and the other person behave?


I don't get a feeling most of the time, and so I rely on learnt NLP and body language skills.



invivo
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 204
Location: Berlin, Germany

29 Oct 2007, 9:30 am

I have never had this, I am too different, and I know it.



Ahaseurus2000
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,546
Location: auckland

31 Oct 2007, 10:55 pm

I could be wrong about a feeling or other "indicator" of bonding. I think it my be more in actions and behaviour. also I have depression/anxiety issues that may skew my feelings.



talitha_kumi
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 16 Oct 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 82
Location: Cambridge, UK

01 Nov 2007, 7:51 am

I feel terribly isolated when I am socialising with people for the sake of socialising. But if I happen to be with other people for the purposes of getting something specific done, then I feel more closely connected with them. Just going round to see family is a huge trial, but being part of a pub quiz team with the same people is somehow liberating and I can feel more a part of things.