Let's Just Try

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The world can be such a difficult place to be for those who exist outside of the so called 'normal' way of being. It is for this reason such places as Wrongplanet exist...to offer those who perhaps need a place to share and support and find support, somewhere they can settle and call a second home. It is a forum for those with AS, Autism, ADHD, and sure, there are some here perhaps with multitude of other issues. I am sure most here have many issues and demons they must contend with on a daily basis.

In the end, we all have one thing in common here, and that is the sense that we do have something in common with others who post. That, and the fact we are all human and all perhaps battling to survive in a world that doesn't always seem welcoming to us.

I have been thinking today, it only seems to be when something dire happens, that one perhaps gets to thinking, why do we just pick on the differences and not the likenesses? It seems to be human nature to judge and single out the different, even on wrongplanet and other support sites. And I ask, why? Why is it only when it is too late that you think, 'i shouldnt have done this... maybe had I done this... '

Why do we not consider until it is too late that even if someone is different, they are still a valid life? Even if there are aspects of them we loathe, they still have worth and their loss would still be a loss and a shame?

It seems so sad. We single out those who don't show emotion as being vulcan and cold(and I am as guilty of this as anyone) and those who show emotion in perhaps a way that seems selfish, are labelled 'emo' and the like.

Yet, how do we know from simply seeing someones online persona how they truly are inside? We cannot know what is really going on in another's heart and head. How can we judge therefore? And then it is too late. Someone you labelled an attention seeker might been wanting attention but might also have been crying out for help. I have labelled others attention seekers myself. And been labelled an attention seeker. Why do we do this? Is it not one of society's things to say it is wrong to be selfish and to want care and attention ?

Sometimes regret comes too late and sometimes understanding comes to late and then we are left having to live with our false judgements and our criticisms and hatreds.

And this wont apply to everyone, but it does seem to be human nature to be so very cruel sometimes to those we do not understand or those who have aspects of themselves we dislike and find a threat.

Maybe it is idealistic but I wish it wasn't so as it is this human thing that seems to cause people to give up all hope.
The world and those in it come to just seem as enemies and aliens and it is as if there is a barrier there between you and the rest of humanity.

I suppose, this is such a garbled mess and it seemed so much tidier in my mind, but why oh why can we not all treat one another kindly and not be so quick to dislike and judge and even hate others, instead of learning from them?

Some things just make me think about all of this and make me so sad.
And so often, by the time you realise you should have done this and that differently, and not said this, not said that, it is too late, and telling yourself you are human doesn't make a difference.

I suppose in essence, I am saying to both others and myself, let's give people a chance and try our best to see everything and not judge as we all already have such difficult lives for the most part and should try and be the best we can for one another.

Last edited by Graelwyn on 28 Oct 2007, 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Graelwyn - that was a beautifully written post. I will read it a couple more times to try and get to really sink in. Well done. Lots of us have good intentions, but often self interest and poor understanding gets in the way, and we hurt each other.

Very true. Guilty of it myself.
Apologies for such a long post, mine are usually so short.

Beautiful post, Graelwyn. Thanks for restoring some of my faith in human nature. (And some posts deserve to be longer, they have more valuable things to say.)

Yes, I've been on both sides of that; I think when things are going well, when we have some power and control, it just seems natural to use it, and seeing faults in others an automatic way to feel better about our (uncomfortably fragile) selves.

Sometimes the best human qualities are forged from pain.

I can get angry with people and I let them know how I feel, so I can see I could hurt someone from a lack of understanding. But I have trouble understanding why someone would want to hurt or bully someone just for the sake of it. Maybe people do it out of self interest, to protect their place in the pecking order------ I'm not sure, perhaps there is just a meaness in people.

I think the main reasons people are unkind are jealousy, fear (caused by not understanding someone) and maybe the mirror effect where we see something in someone else that exists in ourselves but which we don't want to see? Sometimes, it is simply to have power over someone else's feelings or to make selves feel better by making someone else feel bad? The latter I cannot understand at all.

Human nature is just so complicated, but just think, if we could understand one another better or at least just try and be kinder to one another, it could make such a difference, but it doesn't work that way.

Good post.

Along these lines, I really loved something I read once by the Dalai Lama. He talked about his amazing capacity to interact with other people, of all nationalities, schools of thought, types and colors and so on. He said that he simply sees them as himself - human. We're all human. Take away anything that we judge on, like clothing, hair, skin color, and other superficial things...and what you're left with is just another human being just like yourself. He said that people often look for a way to connect themselves with someone else, and the things they look for aren't the right things. Taking it to the simplest level of humanity makes it very clear that we all have an interconnectedness, we all have something in common. What you see isn't always (and in fact often is not) what is really beneath.

Graelwyn, you are a deeply sensitive and intuitive person who sees far; an enignma. Plus you have the gift of gentleness.

Being (HF) autistic, my neurology is simply different than anothers. So, what you wrote is logical and fluidic, to me.

Thank you.

What you talk about is what I see as being a very spiritually evolved human race.

I think it's difficult to get up to that level of acceptance. It requires a sort of life altering change that most people are incapable of.

Generalisations and discriminations are the result of evolution. We do it because it saves time and the thought processes of evaluating every situation with the sort of exhaustive insight that a total lack of generalisation would require. It's what made us see a predator and run, see an opponent and decide if we should fight or take flight. If we spent any more than an instant thinking about the bigger picture in these situations, we'd be dead and that thoughtfulness would thus be removed from the gene pool.

As society has done away with some of this tooth and claw survival, we are afforded the luxury of having time and extra brain power to consider consequences, circumstances and the motivations of others. But making instant "gut" reactions is still hardwired into most of us.

I think Aspies are perhaps more likely to develop this acceptance and thoughtfulness, as we seem to analyse things that others see as foregone conclusions. But there is still a large percentage of the world in which we live that is hostile and requires at least some of that instinctive reaction. It's unfortunate, but I don't see the human race developing to the level we'd all like to see, just yet. Because those that are open and accepting and mindful of such things are still at a disadvantage to those that aren't.

But we won't reach that state of being at all, unless we strive towards it, now and in the future.

Hey! Speak for yourself! I divorced myself from the human race long ago. I view humans as creatures superficially similar to myself, but largely a different species.


In all honesty, I'm pleased to see you expressing yourself so fully; don't apologize; please, keep it up.

And to the meat of things...


I like to think (hope?) that I've been doing a good job of this already; I try so hard to be slow to judge... I do lose my temper sometimes when I'm in a foul mood, and have yelled at people who've aggravated me; but judging? Not quite the same thing. I "yelled" at someone in the "I confess..." thread the other night because something he posted really annoyed me; the next day, I found myself trying to help this same user with the best advice I could muster for some serious demons he's struggling with; and I was rather horrified to watch many (not all) other users jump to such quick judgments about him.

I concur with your mission statement; and I take it to heart. I weave my own mythology, and there are very few pieces that I borrow from Christianity; two of them are Matthew 7:1, "Judge not lest ye be judged.", and John 8:7, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

And, for my own part, I've been judged far too often in my life... I'm sick of it; people see some glimpse of something in me, and then jump to conclusions about me that make me go, "WTF?" I struggle with many demons, but I take pride in being a good person, the best I can be. And, for all my talk of not being human or not liking humans or other blah blah blah, deep in my heart I maintain the hope that others are able to do the same thing. And if we cannot do that here in this place, cannot be the best that we can be, cannot look past any potential bad to see a hope of good... Then we are lost.

I will follow your call to arms, noble sister Graelwyn. Lead on, and I will follow...

Good fortune,

- Icarus likes casting stones into water...

*High Fives Icarus*
I am too tired to think of anything else to say right now.

I think you hit on a fundamental truth with those sentiments. At the core we are the same. We have the same biology and components. And we're certainly all created in the image of the Creator, with the capacity and potential to be great beings. Very great. But before this evolution can occur we have to hit the rock bottom to our core, so that we can experience and see for ourselves the variations of what it is to be on the polar opposite of that greatness and to use free will to literally move up and forward into new levels of awareness. Within the scope of this awareness is the Knowing of what you wrote. The Living of it. Having experienced detachment, aloneness, abuse and bleak hopelessness stemming from hate and fear, the pain - the pain and more of the pain - then we go from *I don't want this anymore in my life* to a *let me try something new* to *this is who I've become*.

It doesn't happen in a moment. It's a process of learning and unlearning and then accepting what is as pure love. That's when the embracing of self and others commences and then I do believe that is heaven on earth. Or so I've been told.

Thanks for posting.

Really great post, Graelwyn.

Unknown_Quantity says what I think:

It's difficult to constantly be reviewing instinctive reactions due to the timeframe within which they happen, but I guess all we can do is debrief ourselves and learn from each experience, whilst not beating ourselves up for falling short of our ideals. Being truly open and accepting seems like the holy grail of human existence.

We all seem to agree that this is the direction we should be taking in our individual and societal development and I'm wondering what we (as WPers) can do to achieve this. Maybe the idea of a chain of inclusive Aspiebars, or supportive, communal apsie-plus-NT living is a step in the right direction?

I suppose, yes, what I imagine and wish for is a spiritual evolution of sorts, a point where the material becomes unimportant, and enlightenment becomes the ultimate goal, but thus far only a small proportion of the population even seems able to look beyond the regimes of their everyday, in your face lives.

It truly is like being an alien on another planet for me at times, as I cannot comprehend the way so many live and fail to notice the more simple things...and how some can just, without conscious, do certain acts and behaviours. This is where one has to think...so many can steal or hurt another and feel next to nothing...but I bet you that in spite of the reputation as being emotionless and unempathic, a large proportion of those with AS have very strong consciences.

It makes me very unforgiving both of myself and others when unkind things are said and done, and I am wanting badly to be able to overcome both that unforgiving nature and whatever it is that makes me sometimes engage in not showing enough understanding etc.

How many have bad thoughts then feel bad about having bad thoughts?
I don't imagine most bother about such things?

I agree with you 100%, Graelwyn. You also restored my faith in human nature. I thought you were becoming more depressed and guilty of it yourself but seeing this just makes me realize that when someone has a bad day they can still be a good person. I feel a bit guilty now for some reason; I was starting to become one of the bratty members myself, almost not able to contain my anger at some things.