At what age should you discuss the dx with your child?

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I have an 11 year old aspie boy, who was just diagnosed with asperger's syndrome last year. At what age do you feel it is appropriate to explain this diagnosis to him? I sometimes feel like I should explain it all to him, but don't really know how to bring up the subject. Any suggestions??

I have an 11 year old who was diagnosed PDD-NOS six years ago, and I've been wondering the same thing.

From what I've read from others, when your child notices that there's a difference, and is questioning you about the difference, that's probably the time to tell them. It helps to point out that this isn't a defect, but purely a difference. At the same time you tell him, people have suggested that you point out the other famous people who definitely have Asperger's (Dan Akroyd) and those who may have it (Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg) to show that there are successful people who also deal with this difference.

In our situation, I can point to an older brother who would definitely been diagnosed with Aspergers when he was younger, and two grandfathers who would meet the criteria.

I've decided not to say anything to him for now. I think he may already know, but I'm not sure to what extent, as he talks about other kids with autism, but doesn't include himself in that group. I hesitate to say anything, because with this particular child, I'm afraid he will use it as an excuse to relax -- to not try because "I have autism". I also don't want to make him feel different, and I also don't want him to be talking about it all the time with other people. If he came and asked me, though, I would come right out with it, and if he was having a really hard time socially at school, again, I would explain everything.

I just feel as if, currently, he has an idea of what is going on, and just doesn't really care.

Kris

My autistic son has been officially diagnosed since 5 but assessed as autistic since 2 1/2. We just told him last week, he's 7 (8 in Dec). I don't know if it's the right time but he has become really sensitive to discussion about special ed, bullies at school and any special attention. We needed to be forthright with him. He's both curious and (mildly) upset about it.

11 is a very sensitive time, I would definitely discuss Asperger's. I was adopted and that was about the age my folks obtained background paperwork on my biological parents. I always knew I was adopted but I developed an intense interest in my origins and trouble at 11.

11! are you serious??? Talk to him today, not tomorrow! We talk to our kids about their dx all the time, and they are 2.5(PDD-NOS likely future AS dx) and 1 year old (1 year old has a genetic condition with sensory and cognitive issues).

Let me clear this up: AS isn't something that is wrong with you.

A DX isn't something to hide or be ashamed of more of a window to finding what other people like you enjoy, are bothered by, and act like.

I went through a barrage of tests when I was a kid. Eventually they told my parents that I was a depressed genius If I had known then that I was an aspie then maybe I would have had an idea about why I chewed my shirt collar, why I spoke to 10 people total before my 14th birthday, why I felt different from everyone else, why I wasn't interested in school yard B.S., why I hated the clothes my mom made me wear, etc etc.

If your child loved to paint as a toddler, would you hide the paint brushes and wait till he was 15 to tell him he was probably an aritst?

Your child thinks on a different level. I don't understand why you would wait to tell them that, unless you thought it was some debilitating illness, which it's not.

i agree with shaggydaddy, tell them when they are young, get them used to the idea.

It is much easier to deal with the lable when you are younger because you wont have a clear opinion against having it.

I have to agree. It's so important for kids, if they are feeling different, know what it is that makes them think differently. So, then, they are more comfortable in their own skin.

My son talks about Aspergers and feels quite comfortable with it. Sometimes, he'll just bring it up--that someone is an Asperger. LOL. Most times, he's right on the mark.

I equip him with this knowledge because I feel it empowers him and he shouldn't be ashamed of himself. He was talking very negatively and this worried me. He persisted in knowing, saying I was keeping a secret from him.

Yes, tell him in a positive way. Buy some books and leave them around the house. Approach it in a subtle nonobtrusive manner.

He's feeling differently already. What does he think it is? You don't want him feeling like he's dumb or nutty or something else.

best,

equinn

My son knows that he is being evaluated right now and he knows what for , J is 8 he'll be nine this month. He doesnt know what it all means yet. When the diagnoses comes in I will be honest with him. I'm not ashamed and neither should he be. Actually he tells me he is getting assesed for junior burgers. He knows he is different, he told me himself. Now he knows that his family are trying to understand him and help him.

I absolutely agree - your 11 year old should be told. He will already realise he is different, and will be internalising a lot!

We have 2 sons aged 9 and 7 and they both know. We talk about it regularly.

They certainly don't use it as an excuse to get out of anything!

We told our 7 year old when he was 6. We told our 9 year old straight after he was diagnosed (at age .

Both told us they knew they were 'different' and thought there was something 'bad' about them.

Now they are very positive about themselves and know they are different. Not good, not bad, not better, not worse - just different.

I was really happy when my 9 year old recently offered me help: he said, 'Hey Mum. I've got Asperger's - I'm smart! I can help you!' I was overjoyed with his response.

The way we told them was this: we went through a list of the strengths and difficulties of everyone in the house (Mum, Dad, brothers). We made sure there were more strengths on the list.

eg Mum is good at making friends, dancing, gardening and cooking.
Mum has trouble with: computer skills, chess and building things

Son (with Asperger's) is good at: computer skills, chess and building things
Son has trouble with: making friends, reading facial expressions and staying calm

Then you say: there are a lot of people like you who are good at x, y, z; and have trouble with x, y, z. This is called Asperger's. Many famous people in history had Asperger's eg Hans Christaan Anderson, Albert Einstein and Dianne Fossey. It is thought that Bill Gates and Steven Spielberg have Asperger's.

etc, etc

Helen

wow...
I was ashamed when I heard (at 12)
I think the child has a right to know ASAP
or he/she will resent the parent later for not telling them
I would have

i agree - it should be done as soon as you know. Why wait until "the child notices there is a problem?' For one thing by the time the child tells you he's going to have noticed quite a long while beforehand, possibly even years beforehand - aspies are pretty notorius for not always sharing whats bothering him.

So why not tell him and get him used to the idea, and how he can work on it, before he gets to the point where he feels like everyone hates him just because he's different? You can potentially keep him from ever getting to that point by speaking up sooner rather than later.

My parents just plained sucked, but even if they cared about me, I am sure I would never have forgiven them had they known I had AS and couldn't be bothered to tell me unless they thought I "noticed" that I was having trouble with friends. That indicates that you just want to watch him suffer instead of helping him. You should bring it up as soon as you know so you can help. IT won't go away, so ignoring the diagnose by not discussing it with him is of absoultely no benefit of all. But think of all the benefits of discussing AS with him and how to work on social skills before he starts to hate himself because of the way others react to his aspie traits?

My parents told me, when I was fifteen. I wish that they would have told me, when I was seven.

I'd tell him as soon as you can get the time to sit him down and discuss it. I know it was comforting to learn that I wasn't just a freak, but that there was a name for my problem, and for the kind of person I am.

my son just turned 4, and was just diagnosed about a month ago. i have mentioned it to him but we have not really had a discuussion, but when i told him about it he said he didn't want it.
I also have a friend who has a son who is autistic, high functioning. they all knew the diagnosis and weren't keeping it from him, but had never really told him about it. when they finally told him he was so relieved because he knew he was different but finally knew why. although i don't reallyhave experience with it i would say tell them asap.

My son is almost 6 and we've talked about him being an Aspie. He says that he has "Asburgular's syndrome".

that is so cute!

we haven't sat down and officially told our son, he will be 7 next month,but we do use the term Asperger's around him freely and he attends an autism center here twice a week so I am sure he has picked up on most things. At this time he doesn't really feel any different from the other kids yet. I guess we are just waiting for him to say something about it to us. We treat it like it is no big deal. And he is not the only kid in his class that goes to the Resource room or receives ST so he does not completely stand out yet. If anything some of the other kids are a little bit jealous of him! Within the next year of so we are planning on telling him

My parents told me when I was 11.

So I will give you the perspective. Quite honestly it didn't really bother me at that age, it was like learning something mundane about myself. It actually helped that they told me that it was rare. It made me feel, well, special is probably the wrong word, I knew I was smart...

Don't give too many details about it, though. I remember when I was 16 my mother took me to a function where Tony Attwood himself was giving a presentation about AS for parents and teachers (why she took me I have no idea). Ever since then I have been much more self conscious about everything. It was painful to learn that that was how I came off to people.