PLEASE help my 7 1/2 daughter....

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mumoftwoaspys
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09 Nov 2007, 7:44 pm

My main concern in our family of 4 aspys is my almost 8 year old daughter...she gets "pushed to the side" and labelled shy...BUT she isn't...
Her poem is "There was a little girl with a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good she was very very good,
When she was bad she was horrid"

She is either an angel or in a destructive rage. There is NO inbetween.
She enjoys (loves) animals and computers.
Any ideas to boost her confidence and calm her aggression would be MOST appreciated...
I will listen to ANY suggestions.
She is just starting (in grade 2) to realize she is different to the other kids and it hurts me as mother soooo much (especially when i went through the same)..
ANY HELP, SUGGESTIONS, ANYTHING WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED...



Wreckferret
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09 Nov 2007, 8:39 pm

girls... nightmare :? mines just turned 13 going on 25... panic stations!! !!)

You could try encourageing her like of computers, i found this web page about basic programming for kids with a quick search http://www.kidsandcomputers.com/SiteToc.cfm

this may help her self confidence and let her do something different and special.


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annie2
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09 Nov 2007, 8:44 pm

Hi. Regarding your daughter's love of animals . . . I have heard that having their own pet dog really works for AS/autistic children.



mumoftwoaspys
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09 Nov 2007, 8:58 pm

Pet wise yes pets help....we have dog fish rabbit and cat who yesterday had 3 kittens so at the moment being special helper to the kittens and our mum cat is great for her... she rushes in from school to see them. The only prob is she doesn't want to leave them and we already anticipate the probs when they are ready to move on... but yes she loves animals so we do too!! !!



taekwondoe
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09 Nov 2007, 10:30 pm

I am a mother of an 11 year old aspy. She also was labeled shy and pushed aside. Your daughter sounds just like her with her aggressive behavior and likes ( loves animals and computers)
BUBBLE WRAP AND NEWSPAPER!! ! She can rip paper and smash bubble wrap all she wants, no one is getting hurt anymore, and no questions are asked, she regulates her own anger that way!
Zoo Tycoon game, teaching her responsibility! Great tool!
Socially, she doesn't seem to care if she is included, role playing has helped her in making friends. She can converse better.
These are a few of what has helped us. Hope some help you.



Pandora
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09 Nov 2007, 10:32 pm

Could you perhaps keep her favourite kitten? Mind you, she might say all three are her "favourite".

I was so much the same at her age (not many destructive rages at that age - much of the angst got bottled up and only started coming out as severe meltdowns later on in life). It's important that she can find something she is good at and enjoys doing so she can develop good self-esteem.

It's also not a good idea to force her into social situations that she's uncomfortable with. If she has to be in a social situation (pretty much unavoidable), she needs to know she can excuse herself and go somewhere "safe" if it gets "too much".


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violet_yoshi
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10 Nov 2007, 5:19 am

I think computer games would be very helpful, maybe even video games. I play both computer and video games, and they both give me a great sense of accomplishment. Nintendo is very good at making female targeted games. Where the other game companies, still like to insist video games only appeal to guys. For example, Nintendo is going to release a Disney's Princesses game for the Nintendo DS and the Nintendo Wii. It looks like with the Nintendo Wii version, girls will get to use the Wiimote as a magic wand. How cool is that?

Also they sell a pink Nintendo DS that's really pretty too. Alot of the Nintendo games are more family oriented, and full of cute characters. Most of the games are made in Japan, where cute is almost like a religion there. If Nintendo is too advanced for her, maybe something like that V-Smile system. It's like edutainment video games. I mean by 2nd grade I was a pro at video games, but I was playing video games long before 2nd grade. Not only that, but the games today are much more involved. When I grew up it was basically, run, jump, and hit things.

I hope I have been of help. If you can find some of the older Barbie games created by the now, unfortunetly, defunct Vivendi Universal game company that would be great too. They really did an amazing job with the graphics in the games. You could find them at Amazon.com most likely.


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ster
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10 Nov 2007, 8:10 am

sometimes it's easy to get lost in a large family~ especially one with so many dx-es. i only have one son who doesn't have a dx, and it's very hard for him to cope sometimes. we try to give him some extra perks and attention when we can. Maybe some extra little one on one time would help her ?

My daughter doesn't have the agression so much~it's more crying inconsolably. I think interaction with others is just too much for her sometimes. We let her play computer, and her favorite games usually revolve around taking care of things/pets. She has a couple of Webkinz ( stuffed animals that also have a website where you take care of the animals~ make them houses, "buy" them clothes, feed them etc).....my daughter also enjoys playing" The Sims"....i hate to say it, but she seems to have developed a little more insight into people~ if you've never played Sims, the game essentially lets her create people & then take them through a series of daily activities~ the computer lets you know if they're tired or want to socialize or need to make $



bobert
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10 Nov 2007, 4:23 pm

I was very much like your daughter, and I can't speak for her, but there's what helped me.

1) My parents were very good about helping me with my special interests. I collected coins, arrowheads, fossils and rocks. This gave me a chance to be an expert in these fields and gave me common interests with a few of my classmates.

2) My aggression was helped with lots, and lots, of physical activity, sometimes 3 or 4 hours a day. This included running, hiking, cycling and sports of all types.

3) We always had at least one dog and and sometimes cats. It really helped having nonjudgmental "friends" around.

There were many other things that I enjoyed, but most of the time I pursued things that were fun and could be done alone.



aurea
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10 Nov 2007, 4:25 pm

My son loves the sims. :D We have to install the cheat because he loves shopping and tends to forget to feed and bath and let his sims sleep :lol: I have to interveen so they dont die. :( Or we have big melt downs. It is my sons B'day in a couple of weeks he will be getting a nintendo ds so that he can escape when he needs to it is also good for fine motor skills. The games can be educational and problem solving, so bonuses all round. :D
Back to original problem, there must be triggers setting your daughter off, maybe even sensory. Watch carefully, then interven.



Hey_You
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10 Nov 2007, 4:29 pm

I agree with others stating that Games are a good release sometimes, but also they can be the cause of frustration. :P Some puzzle games are just really difficult on some stages. My favorite games are Story based games like RPGs. They let you create a character and interact in a world of computer controlled characters that are less stressing than real people sometimes. They tend to be more advanced, but you can really project yourself into them and make decisions like you would in real life, so you end up saving a village or something and that feels good. :) Your daughter is almost 8 so maybe the Nancy Drew games, but I heard they can be challenging, but supposedly girls like them since there are more than 15 Nancy Drew Games, I think.

This is a really good game:
http://www.kongregate.com/games/AlexMat ... ld-of-sage
It does get really tricky. But it helps develop creativity because sometimes the solutiosn are not a straight line.

Another game suggested is Frozen Bubbles, but I think that might Linux only ...

Check this thread:
http://forums.gentoo.org/viewtopic-t-59 ... nancy.html
There are Linux things listed there, but there are great ideas and most are for Windows as well. A google search will find the game for you. :)

I also noticed you posted a thread in the kids section for friends on skype. Just remember, it's hard for people to understand others. It's very difficult for Nts to understand any of the autism characteristics, and even some autistics have a tough time understanding others. Just make sure that people understand everything about her to make it easier. Also, sometimes few friends is better than a lot of friends. It's easier to focus on a few number of friends and to care about them and love them. Sometimes a lot of friends can be overwhelming. A few good friends that love and care and stand by each other are far more important than many friends. :)

I ramble too much. Hope this helps some.



mumoftwoaspys
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10 Nov 2007, 5:02 pm

You guys are awesome! thanks for all you support and ideas... i am working on them now...
very much appreciated