Meltdowns and shutdowns.

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Why do meltdowns seem so much more accepted as a part of Asperger's? I think I'm having shutdowns (let me know what else this might be if you have any other ideas). I will be speaking and just pause for a few seconds. I'm never aware when I'm doing it but after I start talking again I am aware that I have done it. In most situations when I talk I only say a sentence or two at at a time so it isn't that noticale but when I am in longer conversations it happens a lot, apparently more than I realize so maybe I'm not always aware of having done it.

I have had one person suggest it might be aphasia but I'm not sure. I can't afford MRIs or anything to diagnose if it is aphasia. Who diagnoses it anyway?

How would you describe a shutdown to an NT? Would internal meltdown be understandable to them? I wish shutdowns were as well known as meltdowns. More people would understand if yo were to say 'I'm Autistic or Aspie and just had a meltdown' than if you were to say 'I'm Autistic or Aspie and just had a shutdown'.

Uhura

I never heard of a "shutdown" as you suggest. There is the blank stare bit, but that seems to happen more when there is nothing else to do(almost like standby on a computer). At least that is the way for me. When I have a meltdown, and apparently others do this also, part of my brain just shuts down. I STILL seem awake, etc... It is just like my IQ drops a couple dozen points, and my emotions get messed up.

I DO sometimes stop for a bit and almost APPEAR to not be with it if left with a lot of options that have similar outcomes and none is near good.

Are you thinking when it happens? Aware of what happened? I wonder if it could be some type of quick seizure? I'm FAR from an expert though, just a random thought.

I've thought about seizures and I do also have epilepsy (controlled with medicine). But if it is a seizure it doesn't have the usual headache or tiredness that comes after them. I know it doesn't happen after all of them to all people. I have had several seizures and been fine afterward.

It just feels different than my seizures, which is why I'm wondering if it's more related to Asperger's. Either way this has been happening for several years. I just never bothered with finding answers before.

My doctor already thinks I have severe anxiety. I don't agree. I found out when I had to have him fill out a form for me to take to the public transportation I use so they would believe I can't drive. My doctor had never said anything about anxiety but I read the paper that I should have taken to the transportation system and it said I have epilepsy and severe anxiety. I know the difference between depression and anxiety. True, I have had problems with depression and they are mild now. But I have no problems with anxiety. And I don't agree with him not telling me and with him what he thinks in his office.

And my state medicaid limits me to very few family doctors and won't pay for specialists.

Anyway, information on shutdowns is hard to find.

Uhura

I'd ask a doctor if that could be some kind of mini-siezure or something like that. To me that still sounds plausible, even more so since you have epilepsy. I could be completely wrong, but it sounds plausible to me.

Trust me, I know not all seizures are associated with headaches, fatigue, and the rest. But this feels different.

It feels more like an 'internal short meltdown'.

Uhura

I guess we all develop our own terminology for these things. I have complete "gridlock" moments. It happens when I'm very upset. I just 'shutdown', my mouth flaps open and shut, my mind goes blank and I walk away.

Normally I am not at a loss for things to say (normally you can hardly shut me up) but at those moments - just total blank. Gridlock comes to my mind because there are too many emotions, too many words, too many thoughts at once rushing around in my head and it all just freezes up and gridlocks in there in some mysterious place, and nothing comes out of my mouth.

Meltdowns are a whole nuther thing. I think of those as the bucket becoming too full and you just cannot stand one more drop to be let in. I have to be away, find some quiet space, decompress. If I can't get away I plug my ears with my fingers - anything to stop the stimulus from coming in. Then the level of the bucket drops...slowly.... and then I can function again.

I think that point during a meltdown when I can't tolerate ONE MORE DROP into the bucket - that is a sort of shutdown too. It's like an automatic shutdown valve that tries to get me some peace and quiet so I can regroup. It is a shutdown of incoming and outgoing stimulus (plugging the ears, getting someplace totally alone, etc).

Shutdown, gridlock, meltdown? I don't think they're seizures, I think it's all part of the same Aspie issue - overload.

i have these and thought it was petit-mal epilepsy for many years unil i learned about AS

btw, having epilepsy you should be banned from driving and have free public transport - that is the case in uk anyway - so the mention of anxiety was unnecessary.

I have the occaisional blankout when I have too many thoughts at the same time crowding in while I'm talking to someone. I would love a parallel processor for a brain! After the silence I just say, "Whoa, too many ideas. Let's see...". Then I start back where I left off. So far everyone thinks it's odd, but they go along. So I give a second vote to overload.

"Shutdown" is analogous to withdrawing into your shell and being unable to interact with the environment. When I do such my inner voice is still there, but I cannot converse with anyone (my mother for example); I sit-down and stare into oblivion for an hour or so, it's impossible for me to escape such till it has run its course. This "shutdown" is in response to emotional upset most times, like a "meltdown".

When people misinterpreted what I said to mean something totally different I would get so mad I couldn't express my resent, and then I would forget all about it and jsut be too bored/depressed to think and remember what it was about, but the bitterness and false impressions of me would still be there, and I got so bitter and depressed and it accelerated, and it got to the point where I was planning murders, then it got worse than that and I was literally falling into black holes.