Wariness

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are some people wary around you? I have a tendancy to find myself in a situation where the other person will do the following:

1. express displeasure (through facial expression) and terminate any presence near me asap, not always in a polite manner.

2. Do the fake smile and pretend (very badly at that) to like being around me. These people tend to treat me as a kid, doing the "lets be buddies" stuff that makes me uncomfortable.

3. Be clearly uncomfortable, although not acting on it.


This doesn't happen with everyone, just about maybe 1/5 or 20% of those I know. Some I have known for almost my entire lifetime and get "wary" all of a sudden. Others are strangers that are wary almost right away.

I'm not sure what triggers this. Some people I don't like the least bit instantly, and that might be part of it. But others that I have no opionon on get a bit wary. I am considered polite and standoffish (from asking others), but I don't think that would trigger one to be "wary" of me.

Sometimes I also have the tendancy to startle others by entering unannocned in a room and they normally don't get a little startled. Sometimes they do the "physco" scream, but normally this is a gasp, grasping their chest and rolling their eyes. This could be related to my height and size (6'2 and 260, muscular) but when my mother screams her head off this bothers me. This happens almost exclusivly with women, although I have frightened some men inadvertaly.

I wonder if others have the same problem?

Yeah. I'm female but I'm also tall with an athletic build (who knows why, I'm a couch potato) and I've noticed that my sudden presence often scares the living daylights out of people. (If your own mother is actually screaming, though, I'm afraid I'd have to consider overdramatics going on!) I try to anticipate this reaction and make a little noise to alert people so they don't feel like I'm sneaking up on them, say "hey" to others in the room as I enter, clear my throat, or something.

And I think people, NT people anyway, do feel a little wary of Aspies. It's not that they are processing the thought, "Why, I don't believe he's neurotypical! I'd better be wary of him!" But they are picking up that there is something going on outside their normal experience, and that puts them on guard, whether or not they realize it or think about it. There's really nothing to do about it but try to maintain a reassuring presence, communicating that Aspies may be different but that doesn't make us dangerous.

Oh, all the time. I think for me it might be due to the fact that I usually find nothing of interest to talk about, therefore I say next to nothing, sit back and observe.--Sometimes though, if there's a moderate amount of group social interaction going on, I tend to get lost trying to follow a conversation.

I agree. I don't think they really consciously decide to be suspicious, it's an instinctive reaction Also, I am female and definetely large(in every sense of the word) and people are rarely intimidated by me. Although I don't know my own strength, and I tend to hurt people accidentally so people probably have a reason to be scared of me

How can you tell the difference between this and genuine "lets be buddies" type behavior?

I sometimes scream when my husband comes in the room and talks to me. This is because I will be really concentrating on something else and he makes no noise entering and I don't know he is there. I have had some really bad experiances in the past and if I don't know someone is approching it scares the living daylights out of me when they just "appear" because I did not hear them approaching. At times it can be as dramatic as "screaming my head off" if the setting is one that is similar to a bad moment in the past. It is like having a flashback and I really don't at that moment realize that it is my husband or for that matter that it is 2005.

Hope this makes sense

I think it's a very interesting concept you've brought up here.

I agree, with this, it happens to me alot.

I have a bad problem with this. It must be something i'm doing to make them uncomfortable.. but most of the time i'm just sitting there, they will not chat like they would with another person.

Some people it's worse than others.. it might have something to do with having nothing in common.. but how would they know? They don't ask. It's like they're afraid to speak, I really wish they wouldn't be... as I like it better when people keep talking.

A few females act a bit uncomfortable around me thanks to some of the comments I make, too bad I don't know any in the same luch as me. By NT standards, I'm creepy.

I like to sneak up on people. I have this "power", and I take full advantage of it when I get a good chance. I am a scary person to see over your shoulder breathing down your neck. I've been told I can be a very creepy person, and so it really doesn't matter to me how often I spook people. I normally do it only to family memebers, I don't want to piss off anybody. Sometimes I scare people on accident, but it's still pretty funny.

They seem to be flustered right before they start trying, and they normally give up pretty quickly. If I miss that then I assume they are genuine unless I pick something else up.

I think this is an attempt to get an more "normal" reaction out of me, mostly to comfort them. I normaly attempt go along with it to try to relax them.




I'm not exaggerating in the least bit. We joke about it all the time b/c it seems quite funny in some ways.




I think that is probably most accurate of what is happening. I'm probably not AS, but I'm different enough to confuse and bother some people.

People view me with a little suspicion, but I don't know why. It's probably because I'm different than they are. Physically, I have no reason to be intimidating, because I am fairly average sized, if not on the smaller side. It probably also has to do with the fact that I don't think like them and I don't even pretend to follow their lead, like at school or swim practice.

People have treated me in a fake manner. I have neither expected it nor appreciated it.