Advice for parent of 8 year old?

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My 8 year old is being tested on the 30th for Asperger's. He has ADD and is showing signs of ODD. This year has been a struggle for him. His grades are okay....they've been better. His teacher is wonderful and tends to let him get away with things because she understands that he may be an Aspie and works with me to make sure that he stays ahead of the class. But....with that being said he has become very defiant. He "shuts down" in class and refuses to do work.

It can be from kids on the bus talking on the way to school....when he wants them to shut up. It could be from someone brushing against him in the hall. It could be from someone looking at him longer than he wants them to. The list could go on all day.

With that being said the teacher has "older" kids in his class. He's one of the youngest 3rd graders in the class. She put him with 4 or 5 kids that adore him and root for him. If he's slacking or in a mood they cheer him on to help get him back on task. Sometimes it works....sometimes it doesn't.

He's saw the principal 4 times last week. Once because he didn't want to come in from recess. He sat down on the ground & refused to come in. General defiance is becoming a problem with him.

I don't know what to do about him at the moment. The ADD meds he's on isn't strong enough. They won't increase the dosage until after testing. Some moments he's the sweetest child others I just want to strangle him (not really....but I would love to spank him for it) but I don't know what else to do.

P.S.- he picked up pinworms from school. Not a huge deal kiddos are kinda gross. (not washing hands & so on) He took the meds to get rid of it. I noticed that he had a little bit of bumps on his forehead. Looked like acne but not red. Hard to describe. I'm wondering if it's from the meds or maybe pre-puberty. He's 8 but could pass for 6 or 7.

Please take him off of drugs. Your child is in danger with the use of those drugs. You may be thinking well, without those drugs he's defiant but on those drugs he is still defiant and if you care about his long term health and don't want to see new problems arise, it will be beneficial to talk to your doctor about taking your child off of the drugs.

This isn't something you want to hear right now.

He bounces off the wall when he's not on them. I know he shouldn't be on them but he's uncontrollable off of them. I can't wait til testing.....

How common is it for an Aspie to be ADD or ODD? Or is it a misconception that he is ADD because of the Asperger's?

If he is an Aspie & not ADD what other options are there? Or what if he's both? I'm just confused that it's taken since kindergarten to figure out what's going on.

Children, they are being children.

Choose.

Put your child on drugs so you can have a better time being a parent but in the long run your child has new psychological issues as an adult because ritalin is a form of speed. If I could equate it to a street drug, it would be meth.

or

Take your child off of the drugs, let him get it out of his system with his bouncing around and have a better chance of him not suffering from the long term effects of fda approved meth.


Also, you can be an aspie and have ADD. How common is it? Not sure. I don't believe in statistics.

Want to know why? I have never EVER had any statistical gatherer ask me a single question.

So much for statistics.

No....him being on medicine doesn't make my life easier. It's a cause & effect situation. Choose which demon to battle. (not that I'm implying he's evil)

He couldn't pay attention in school, so he was put on meds. He's older now & still can't pay attention. Luckily he has a sharp teacher that suggested that he may have Asperger's. I know what most people think...she's a teacher she shouldn't label him.

The school psyc thought the same thing. So he's being tested. I read up on it and was suprised how close ADD & Asperger's symptoms are. He's not hyper but I keep him active in Taekwondo & basketball. Boys will be boys....they all have lots of energy.

I don't want him on meds....he's tiny for his age....and hardly eats. But, the docs keep telling me I need to wait until after testing to see what he has.

Docs suck sometimes. A drain on your wallet too especially when it comes to children.

I don't get why there are these anti-drug campaigns yet people are willing to tell parents the best treatment for children are drugs.

Your child might actually be having adverse reactions to drugs. Seriously, get him off the meds.

After you do that first step and it's out of his system, take notes. See if he's responding better. Also, those drugs he is on are going to make him lose more weight because it is the equivelant of speed.

Doctors right now prescribing these drugs to children are messed up.

he's 8.....4'2.....weighs 52 lbs. I see 6 year olds his size.

I know that he's on an amphetamine. I felt bad for putting him on it when he was 6. But I thought that I was helping him. It worked for awhile. I've been told that he has to be weaned off of the meds because he'll have D.T's.

I was a small child too. I'm still petite. Sometimes nit picking at flaws causes self esteem issues too. It's what some people do during the beginning stages of analyzing.

What are your child's strengths?

I don't think anyone should have to compromise physical health over being different. If you are worried about the weight issue, try not to obsess too much because that stresses out sensitive children.

What I mean by sensitive isn't the defintion of extroverted sensitive either. Introverted sensitivity is different. If your child knows you are stressing out over him then on the inside they get stressed out too.

No...he's always been little. I by him pedisure choc drinks for extra nutrition. He's always been in slim clothes. We don't make a big deal about it. When he does gain weight we give him a high five and he just thinks that's the best thing in the world.

Things bother him easily. Very sensitive. His teacher says he's intraverted. He does not do well around a lot of people. Family & friends he will talk your head off but shuts down if he's overwhelmed. He is in Taekwondo and does okay in class (when there's not a lot of people there) but he still struggles throught that. I told him if it was too much for him to handle he could stop. NO.....he got mad. So he's still doing it.

But...I avoid things that I know bother him.

It is good to avoid things that bother him. Sometimes parents try a little too hard to push their children into bad situations for their child thinking only of themselves really and how embarassed they feel that their child aren't doing what the other kids do.

In a sense the parents are also pushing themselves too hard when it comes to others opinion. People are often quick to judge and blame parents wrongly for everything to hence adding more pressure.

Are you okay? Do you feel very stressed out all the time? Is anyone there to help you out?

My mom is wonderful. She tries but she thinks that my son is acting out for attention. She has a hard time accepting some things. Then other times we're on the same page. Hubby thinks that son is in need of behavior modification. He's getting better about accepting things that he can not change.

I find myself becoming more annoyed by people when we go in public that assume that I
should spank my child for an outburst. I do correct him but I don't feel the need to beat him in public for something he can't control.

I know that he can control some things he does and others he can't. It's hard. I'm hoping things will get better once I have an answer from Vanderbilt on his testing. I have a friend from high school that has a son with heart failure that was just diagnosed with Asperger's. She's a few steps ahead of me and let's me know I'm doing the right thing & when I'm not.

Kitsy, do you have an education on psychology - do you hold a licence to practice? Have you even seen this child before? What gives you the right to give out proffesional advice such as this?

Do you not think that maybe the reason he's not paying attention in school is because the work is too easy for him, and so it is boring for him?

I don't pay attention to anything I don't have an interest in. It's the reason why I only got half my GCSE's and nearly failed sixth form, plus never got through the first year of uni. I ended up refusing to go because I didn't see the point. Then I got the whole social anxiety thing of i"f I go in now, everyone will look at me and I'll have to explain why I wasn't there" and so on.

Try him with older work at home. Or ask his teacher to give him an older grade book or task.

He always struggled with Math. This year he has no problem with it. he will ramble off mutilplication tables. He has a problem with reading comprehension & language. It was never a problem until this year.

I've thought about that too. He loves video games. What kid doesn't? but he'll want to play games that are older (not vulgar) but that requires more thought.

They were wanting to do an I.Q. test on him at school.

Okay. You are on the right path with the help.

Your mom not showing acceptance however, well it might be because she doesn't know about aspergers unless she's ultra conservative that has a history of labelling everything as hypocondria unless of course she was sick and then all had to help her during her time of illness.


If that is your mother well, try to explain the situation. There is no guarantee she will not spurt out "Oh whatever, he's just wanting attention. There is no such thing as aspergers"

It's the harsh realities people have to face. Being overbearing has consequences too. If you are overbearing, resentment levels rise high. If you are overbearing your child may take it the wrong way as in you don't like him and it makes him feel bad.

Children like acceptance but you should figure out what is wrong by getting a diagnosis if it's bothersome but all aspies are different just like NT's are different from each other. Do not get sucked into DAN doctors. Also do not get sucked into risperdal.

Your child will not be normal on those drugs and your child will not be normal off of those drugs. Normal, is a false term now. Normal does not mean what is normal to an individual but it's about blending in with the masses and picking on those who can't.

Be happy your child is around caring and understanding students and teachers.

Kitsy, Seeing as you have no medical background I would recomend you refer her for a second oppinion and quit giving people advice on things you have no buisness giving advice on. In other words - STFU