Group size for conversations?
I can't focus on more than 1 person at a time, so relate best in a mutual "paying attention to each other" group of 2. If it's an unfamiliar/fearful scenario then an extra person to help back me up & translate is better, group of 3. Managed to socialize as part of group of 4 but it's not easy or smooth for me. Almost all my interactions are between myself & 1 other, I intensely avoid groups/crowds.
Can't follow or tune in to what's being said, when there are more people. Loud cacaphony of music/voices makes me shrink away/cringe. Can't participate in conversation when everyone's yelling but nobody can hear-like at a bar or a party. Don't feel able to casually insert myself into others' ongoing talk when I'm nearby, whether at a gathering or out in public. Seems too iffy, too risky, and I run out of viable superficial responses...
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techstepgenr8tion
Veteran
Joined: 6 Feb 2005
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,195
Location: 28th Path of Tzaddi
If it's a real old friend (or someone I just click with that well) where akward silences aren't real akward and we can chill, one on on isn't an issue. One of my friends I can think of who's even a bit on the periphery right now I usually call him or get a call from him, stop over after school (usually like 9:30 or 10 at night once his girlfriend goes to work and the kids are in bed) and we'll usually watch a movie, some NWO, or whatever. Then again in his case I've also known the guy since I was in 11th grade.
As for larger groups though, I kinda prefer 3 or 4. 4 is especially nice because I can usually get by with just adding bits of my own energy, holding off on the comments till I have something pretty glib or funny, and it works out pretty well because no one person has to put much more than 25% in, some people naturally being extroverts end up putting in 30 or 35% just in fulfilling their own needs, and I usually only get stuck putting in 10 or 15% which I'm more than happy with when we're just chillin and it's all small talk.
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“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. I use the word "love" here not merely in the personal sense but as a state of being, or a state of grace - not in the infantile American sense of being made happy but in the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth.” - James Baldwin
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