Q wrote:
I have noticed that my Asperger's is seemingly getting worse. My enviroment has not changed, yet I experiance more meltdowns, I cannot sleep because of the recursive cycle of fearing a meltdown, having a meltdown because of it, etc.
I am, in fact, getting more Aspergic.
Picking up the phone scares me, an item in the wrong place makes me upset (dosent have to be lost, just not where I put it)
Am I going mad?!
no, going mad would be
much easier, and besides you wouldn't be questioning your reactions if you were mad, you would be justifying them.
you are becoming more aware of how you can manipulate your own reactions to things. Just remember, if you can push yourself to be MORE aspergic reactive, you can also push yourself to become LESS aspergic reactive.
We all have situations we can press through, if only to just manifest a result we desire. I find using the phone gives me the willies because I can't 'hear' my own voice while I am speaking. I have found that the phone gives me no issue at all when I wear a headset and can hear my own voice, but when I talk on a cell phone, I resent it and will not answer it for weeks.
So. . see what you can work with. Don't try to force your self. Just do what the older folks with AS on this board have learned, and that is to live with your AS. After all, when ever we compare ourselves with people that do not experience what we do, we will always think we are somehow 'not doing it correctly.'
good luck and concentrate!
Merle