Do aspie girls fit into society better then the guys?

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ProtossX
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22 Dec 2007, 9:58 am

faithfilly wrote:
When you make the claim that AS girls don't have it as hard as AS guys, you should be asking what the girls think...not the guys.




oops I didn't mean that I was just implying "you guys" like ppl on wrong planet didn't mean it to be just directed to only the guys

sorry if I used an stereotypes to imply things that aren't true I was just going off my own experiences at school and jobs, etc not really generalizations just my own stuff cuz ive went to boarding school and stuff an some of the stuff that happened in the dorms were pretty awful to other guys but and in school I just never really saw a lot of insults thrown at girls compared to guys and that is very public area



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22 Dec 2007, 10:22 am

Ipunes wrote:
a good looking girl will be popular no matter what, she doesnt have to say or do much, guys want a piece of her, girls admire her for her beauty.

So a good looking aspie girl has it easiest of all aspie types.
ABSOLUTE BULLFEATHER!! !! !! !



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22 Dec 2007, 10:25 am

I think circumstances are much more determinant than gender. Family attitude while growing up, family financial help, community traits, inborn talents, looks, etc.

To whoever said that for aspie girls there's less physical violence: I was severely punished (physically) as a chld for my AS symptoms, and also later in life physically attacked by my ex husband till I escaped. There's lots of physical violence for some women with AS.


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mcsquared
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22 Dec 2007, 10:25 am

Well there are a lot of women out there that enjoy a "fix-it project" in terms of relationships and most women I've met are fairly aggressive in getting out there romantically, especially now with online dating sites . It is always on the woman to carry the emotional part of the relationship which would make me think it's harder for aspie women.

And I'd say most women still want a career and at times have to deal with sexism/glass ceiling in the workplace so any straying from the norm makes it that much harder. Especially if it's true many go undiagnosed, which I'd agree with...



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22 Dec 2007, 11:30 am

I think it's arguable from patterns one can observe here at WP that AS guys are more likely to start a thread with the implication that they have it harder than AS women.

And please don't say you tried to present a fair picture - the subject title shows your bias.

Let's cut the crap. AS is a spectrum disorder (or condition, if you wish). Anyone with it, male or female, can have a varying complex of traits in varying degrees of severity. I think that counts far more in how well that individual gets along in society than their gender.

Also, the simple matter of personal accountability make every difference in the world. Do you accept you have a condition that requires to you to work harder at learning skills that come easier to others, and are you willing to do the work? Or do you just want to come to WP and make excuses for how hard your life is? I think that's the real make-it-or-break-it issue for any Aspie, male or female. If you aren't willing to make the necessary effort, of course things will be harder for you. But in that case, it's really you making it harder for yourself. Not your AS, not your gender, not social conventions - just youself.



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22 Dec 2007, 11:44 am

AspieMartian wrote:
I think it's arguable from patterns one can observe here at WP that AS guys are more likely to start a thread with the implication that they have it harder than AS women.

And please don't say you tried to present a fair picture - the subject title shows your bias.

Let's cut the crap. AS is a spectrum disorder (or condition, if you wish). Anyone with it, male or female, can have a varying complex of traits in varying degrees of severity. I think that counts far more in how well that individual gets along in society than their gender.

Also, the simple matter of personal accountability make every difference in the world. Do you accept you have a condition that requires to you to work harder at learning skills that come easier to others, and are you willing to do the work? Or do you just want to come to WP and make excuses for how hard your life is? I think that's the real make-it-or-break-it issue for any Aspie, male or female. If you aren't willing to make the necessary effort, of course things will be harder for you. But in that case, it's really you making it harder for yourself. Not your AS, not your gender, not social conventions - just youself.


Thank you for saying this so eloquently. I almost gave in to calling ProtossX a misogynist, but now I see he is simply unaware. Granted, girls do seem to be better at this "psychological warfare" thing that is the AS person's mortal enemy, but so what? Not all of us are. By acknowledging one's own faults and learning how to deal with them, one can peremptorily defeat those who wish to tear one down.

bugschivers wrote:
I am sure I read somewhere that women do in fact suffer more because of their Asperger's than men do, after a certain point, you just get left behind, everyone thinks you're weird if you're still the same with the same level of experience at 26 as you were at 16. Women don't like women that don't conform, and you only meet guys if you can actually go out, trust me, it can be pretty damn lonely when you are shy, reserved and socially anxious.


...and I was actually afraid I was the only one.



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22 Dec 2007, 12:55 pm

I am sure it is hard for both genders in different ways. I know for me, life was easy until i turned eight. My parents divorced, I changed schools, and all the other girls were deciding that certain people's values were greater than others. I was baffled. Boys were getting weird too. I had a guy friend that i hung out and talked about gobots with. I liked him but boyfriend never crossed my mind. When his birthday came along, i even bought him a gobot. The next day, he ignored me and would have nothing to do with me after that. I was at a loss for words. I had no idea what i did. He must have misread me somewhere. I am bad about that. I am really nice to people and some of them mistake it for attraction. That has hurt me in different ways. I dont know if i am pretty or not. I just know that yes, it was hard being an aspie girl growing up. You never fit into any clique. You basically have a few close friends that no one else understands either.

Girls in their teens are predominantly mean and vindictive. I know i may have been to keep people from bothering me. They are like a pack of monsters and turn on each other like rats in an overcrowded cage. I have seen one of my step sisters with her friends absolutely bashing an absent mutual friend. Granted, the girl was annoying and really uptight, but they all were. I just didnt understand why they hung out with her if they didnt like her so much. I was not liked by some, because i couldnt hide it if i didnt like them. I got better at being polite because i kept accidentally picking fights. My facial expressions tend to be a little overexaggerated and i just cant hide them at times. i still have had to pass off rolling my eyes acting like there was something in one of them. I have just learned to embrace my weirdness and let the others think what they want. I know that if you are a guy, you probably have not had the same experience, but it was probably just as painful as mine. I was bullied, i was made fun of and stolen from by my sisters. when i went to college out of state, it seemed like the world took a breath. i found that there were other weirdoes out there. i still have problems, of course but its a lot better now. i also see that once i knew about aspergers, i felt better about myself. I felt that i was right where i needed to be.



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22 Dec 2007, 1:06 pm

Looks and size has something to do with it, and background. I grew up in a pack of hounds, so I bite.

Coming into the world I was able to defend myself, and being taller, fair looking, and out of school making money, girls did notice me. Everything was fine till we started talking, then I came across as a total alien.

So as a most functional male, there was still a big gap.

A girl, even beautiful, is going to have that same gap, and not be able to kick butt as needed.

Her enemies are going to be larger and more agressive.

I dealt with girls hunting alone.

Girls have to deal with males hunting alone.

The other males knew that one step over the line and we are coming to blows.

Girls hunt in cat packs, and slapping them as they deserve is much harder.

I live by inducing fear.

Girls live by avoiding it.

Even in later years, well, I have this thing for Librarians, with glasses, and mousey, but they are so afraid from all of life before, getting to know her would take kidnapping, and that is not a good start for a relationship.

I would say AS impacts women much more than men.

We do have a spectrum, and I am talking about people who left the house, got an education, hold jobs, and at that level, I can date bodies, but they cannot even go out with a guy who reads good books, and has been trying to talk to them as a person for years.

It was a long hard fight to get that job, and she will do nothing to risk it.

Males have a lot more social range.

There is an imbalance of loss, I can be dumped, no problem, she can be dumped in a field somewhere.

Imagine a world with three sexes, what you know, plus dumb, seven foot, dominant, agressive males, with a long history of violence, who want to have sex with the smaller men, would you go out with them?



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22 Dec 2007, 1:19 pm

Inventor wrote:
... but they are so afraid from all of life before, getting to know her would take kidnapping, and that is not a good start for a relationship.

Yeah.


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22 Dec 2007, 2:23 pm

I seem to remember reading somewhere that women with AS tend to be more superficially social, but still has a certain level of social awkwardness. Being male, I can't exactly vouch for this personally.

Based on what I know though (with maybe a hint of an opinion here), I think that both men and women suffer the same amount, but in different ways. Could be wrong, so don't quote me on that... :wink:



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22 Dec 2007, 4:21 pm

ProtossX wrote:
Are they able to live and fit into the american dream easier as well?


Into society in general, no. Into the scenario of marriage, house, kids, etc., probably we have it easier than the guys.

ProtossX wrote:
Guys in school are picked on the worst and most extreme cases, if you don't fit in your made fun of, beat up and in some extreme cases other stuff.


I still have nightmares about the experiences I suffered in school and the subsequent fallout - 14 years later.

ProtossX wrote:
Girls really not a whole lot of making fun of happens to them, less fights occur especailly physically in school


You're profoundly mistaken here. Girls can be cruel in ways boys can not dream of. I'd rather have been hit. Bruises heal.

ProtossX wrote:
Guys trying to get date's need to be very social and comfortable in asking a girl out with initiative

Girls just really don't need a whole lot of initiative or social cues to get on dates even with NT's


Again, mistaken. Though I will grant you that a socially awkward girl might be seen as shy, where guys are sort of expected to have confidence. Personally, I find over-confident men to be a HUGE turn-off.

ProtossX wrote:
Guys instincts need to be leaders and try to fix problems which doesn't really help someone with AS


Agreed.

ProtossX wrote:
Girls instincts like compassionan helps them make up for there AS an make friends and relationships easier


Not even remotely true in my experience. In fact, it is because girls DO tend to be more nurturing and caring outwardly that it makes those of us with AS even more "out of the loop". My awkwardness made friendships pretty much impossible. I was very much alone.

ProtossX wrote:
Guys usually got to get a job with other people and mesh with society better to get anywhere in life

Girls can usually just marry some guy and raise the kids and be at home with the family.


Sexist much? Yeah, us AS gals do great in society with our AS because we'z just at home barefootin' and preggers, y'all. Some of us have high aspirations. I graduated from college last night, and now I am going on to my next degree program. I'm going to be a Nurse Practitioner.

ProtossX wrote:
So yeah basically this means that girls really don't have it as hard with AS since society is more kind to them and easier for them to mix in with NT's.


I'm going to refrain from flaming you here, though it is awesomely tempting...


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22 Dec 2007, 5:34 pm

It depends on the individual.


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22 Dec 2007, 5:44 pm

I don't think we all do. Certainly not in my case. I'm 35, and not particularly beautiful and not at all feminine. If I didn't have boobs, people would have trouble identifying me as a female. Marriage is out of the question for me, due to my marked preference for solitude, my aversion to intimacy, and my difficulties with expressing emotions in general. So no housewifery for me. I have a full time office job with little opportunity for promotion (the only real promotion possibilities there would require actual people skills and extensive networking and brown-nosing). My personality tends to rub people the wrong way if they don't know me very well, and I tend to have a lot of misunderstandings even with people who've known me for years. I don't tend to react the way most women do in a situation requiring hospitability, compassion, emotionally being there for people, etc. I have one RL friend, and he's a guy.


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22 Dec 2007, 6:35 pm

Hmm...well as someone with mild AS I think it is easier to fit in with girls, because it's more ok if you're kind of quiet and smart and all that, whereas guys are supposed to be more tough and successful. However, I think most people know a kind of quirky, geeky guy, and we just accept them as that, or say they'll probably be rich when they're older. When a girl is weird, girls are much bitchier and don't just accept that - they figure the girl is just weird and probably doomed to fail and never get a date. I think girls are nicer in general to people who are different, but when it comes down to being friends with them, they're much more cliquey and gossipy, whereas guys tend to shrug it off more.



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22 Dec 2007, 7:41 pm

I think it may be overall easier for a guy because people dont expect much out of us anyway.
I mean you dont get mad at the dog for forgetting your exact birthday. I know my girlfriend had one I just couldnt be specfic.

Most guys are portrayed as kind of dense anyway, and emotionally stunted. I think the problem comes in with our own genders, and it does seem men have more leway.

And just for the record Im getting sick of hearing outragous generalizations like "it depends on the person" or " everybodies different" ! :lol: