Am I the only aspie who's too picky for his own good?

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Anyone else suffer from excessive pickiness? And is there any way to become less picky about potential partners?

With me it's not just people I have romantic interest in, it's pretty much everything--food to people I spend time with to any form of media or art. Pickiness is just kind of one of those traits I've always had, but when it comes to people it's worst.

I want a major crush, someone to lust after, even if it wouldn't result in a relationship--though I desperately want a happy romantic relationship, if there isn't anyone who I'm all that into then there isn't really any hope for that, is there? I can't seem to find anyone who I get that special feeling for. Haven't for years. Mild crushes? Sure. But nothing major.

Thoughts?

A lot of virgins tend to be picky I think.

Really? I've been under the impression that a lot of virgins are LESS picky because they're desperate to lose their virginity. That's not really my concern. Considering I've always been picky about everyting, I don't think I'd be any less picky if I did have sex, and frankly sex is not what I'm looking for any way. I do want to have it eventually, but with someone I love.

Don't know on that one, lost it years ago and I see no real difference.

No, you are not the only Aspie that is too picky for their own good.

and I found it never goes away with age, either.

and I find the reasons that those I do pick are also highly suspect.

Merle

I don't think there's anything wrong with being "selective" especially when it comes to potential partners. When looking for the ideal person for you, you may have to compromise a little on your standards, a little bit of give and take, but ultimately you're the only one who can decide if you're settling for something less than what you want or deserve.

I have the same exact problem, maybe not so much with food or friends. I think my gut level trigger that lets me know what I'm willing to be attracted to is a bit out of line at least for my environment, not way out of line, but enough to where its off so often that even when it gets turned on its not enough motivation to make me want to pursue anything real directly. I feel like I've gotten a lot better at least in terms of what sorts of women and lifestyles I'm opened to but still, finding two way attraction and out of someone who isn't to shy or intense for me to get through to; very difficult.

I've always thought that way about it but people are also quick to remind me that if my experience and reflexes in terms of initiation and performance aren't growing and improving right along with everyone else's, that I'm actually becoming less and less right for what I'd want (in a sense less worthy). From what I can see of this world though it doesn't surprise me a bit and its all the more reason I think I have to ride myself about just going out there and showing more innitiative.

I'm very picky too. I just care about deeper things and expect more from other things and people. I don't think it has much to do with the virginity thing.

I'm a virgin and I only have three criteria (one physical and two mental):

1) She can't be fatter than me (which is hard in and of itself, given my weight).

2) We have to share at least one common interest that we devote considerable time to, as I wouldn't have anything to communicate with her otherwise (and I've heard that communication is an important element of a relationship)

3) She must be interested in the concept of a long-term, meaningful relationship. One night stands are meaningless...

It's #2 that constantly gets to me, as there are practically no women my age that are into IT, video gaming, or singing in a church choir...

I dont think there is anything you can do. It sucks but if you settle for someone who is below your standards it'll bug you for the whole relationship...

How do you lower your standards? Can you force yourself to like something you really dont? maybe with brainwashing or something.

You can try to ignore it but its only a matter of time before it cant be ignored anymore and you start to get really annoyed by that person.

There is no perfect partner, plain and simple. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you, no one human being will fulfill all your wants and needs.

How do you know when you're asking for too much?

You all know I have my whole dream girl thing...I've written about it a lot here...but I don't NEED someone exactly like her...I'd settle for someone so much less perfect...but there just are so few people I find remotely attractive.

I'm not picky.

Not one bit.

My only things are.

Physical: doesn't matter, but can't be too thin or too fat.
faith: I don't care

those are the only things that really matter to me.

Age 40 - 52

Height Prefer shorter women but don't care really

Hair Color Mad about redheads and like brunettes but don't care really

Build Not built like a dump truck, otherwise don't care

Religion Don't care

Job Don't care

Location Don't care

Politics Don't care, although this could lead to some VERY lively discussions

Ethnic Background Don't care

Drinking Don't care

Smoking Must not smoke

Kids Take 'em or leave 'em. If they're already around they'll be accepted as family.


Using the above profile I was a member of a computer dating organization and I had the time of my life. The women just kept on coming, one after another, and by the end of it my social skills had improved beyond measure. The ONLY thing I was insisting was that she shouldn't smoke because I was trying to give up at the time and I wanted to avoid temptation.

Ed Almos

I think the best place to hit, ie. people you can open yourself to having some sort of attraction with, needs to be at least at maybe 10% of whats out there. I say that because for one you usually don't want your spitting image identical, it would be profoundly boring. The other thing being that a lot of women will surprise you, as in you could just as easily meet a girl wearing a slightly off designer brand, looking like just anyone else, who could blow your mind if she opened her mouth at the right time and showed what she had upstairs (and yeah, there's a lot of those out there).

That's kind of the reason why, while I do have to go with what I can feel attraction to, mostly over the reasons Leo was mentioning, that's kind of how I've been able to get my head around some of this. Also realizing what a nasty and messed up world this is, that if your not with someone who's cheating or abusing, initiating fights, controlling, and things don't end up in divorce - as long as things are happy your already doing way better than most people. As for that perfect sort of love and share of energy, who's able to find that or not find that is really a roll of the dice and kind of predetermined just on location and timing; ie. its an extreme few and I don't think having a greater want for it brings it to you, if anything sometimes I think its just the opposite.