Getting Over Someone You Love

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Very recently a close friend and I have broken contact, because things between us had gotten very unhealthy and destructive between us. We both loved each other very much, and we were involved in a complicated romantic entanglement, though never officially dating. We still care about each other, but things are too messed up right now and we keep going back and forth between our normal, very close and happy way of relating (we have a lot in common, help each other out a lot, etc.) and arguing the same specific arguments. He's the only person I have ever been attracted to or been "in love" with (I'm almost 25), and I had felt that way since we met each other 4 1/2 years ago.

Because I have felt this way about him for so long, including while involved in other relationships, I have no idea how to really move on. I want to just date someone else just to try and forget the really devestating events that happened with this friend, but of course that would just get me in a worse situation and hurt someone else who doesn't deserve to deal with this. Normally I never felt a strong need to be in a romantic relationship, it's just this situation was very emotionally overpowering for me and I don't know how to cope. I suppose eventually when I am emotionally ready I should date someone else instead of clinging to memories of him, but I don't know what would constitute as "emotionally ready" (if I still love him this much, even if I'm psychologically more stable, wouldn't that still be dishonest?) And, anyways, no one in their right mind would be interested in me when I'm so broken down over this, but because my feelings are so slow to change, I can't imagine what would count as reaching a point where it was okay to be in another relationship, or if I should really aim at that at all. I would prefer to be in a relationship, it's just there aren't many people I relate to well, which also limits things.

Any advice or personal stories relating to any of what I just said are welcome. Sorry if that's too rambling...

It took me 3 years to get over a woman once... and that was only because we ended up developing diametrically opposed political viewpoints that we couldn't stand each other (I was extreme left-wing and she was extreme right-wing) Since then, I have lost a bit of that extremism (mostly because Hillary, who I can't stand, is the front-runner for the Democratic Party), and lo and behold, feelings are coming back now...

As it stands, if another opportunity with any other woman were to present itself, and I didnt seize up like I normally do, I would take it, but my feelings haven't completely subsided either...

Oh no worries.

You'll get over her gradually.
Just talk to some people who know a lot more about relationships.
They will tell you what to do.
Also, find a source of amusement to keep your self-esteem up.

I too am trying to get over my GF.
We broke up a few days ago.

oh, lordy! If that isn't one of the hardest things in life to do. Every connection is different. Some you can just forget without a second thought. Others, a year goes by and it still drives you crazy. Eventually you get there either way. Be patient with yourself. And no matter how long it takes, it doesn't mean you cannot love again. I honestly don't see it as a problem for people to talk about past loves in a new relationship, but that is just me. Generally I believe that is frowned upon hence whole getting over past loves first. Seriously, we are all only humans and those who have an impression on us in our journey will not be easily forgotten.

I hope you find your peace.

You don’t really need to get over him, you need to keep the good times in your heart and use them as a measurement for what you expect in your next relationship. I don’t really know how one knows when they are truly ready for a relationship. I was never ready but ended up in them anyway. I managed to keep my heartbreak over someone else to myself so it wouldn’t be on the mind of my new beau. Thus far, it has worked four times. However, I am confidant that if the relationship I am in now fails, I will not be in another one ever again, which I am fine with.

You have the whole world ahead of you; don’t let heartbreak set you back. Use it as strength to propel you forward.

Just seek the next man.

This is so damn hard to do. I thought I had managed to completely put my feelings for a girl out of my mind. I have been crazy about her for a year, and we are really good friends. I asked her recently for some pointers in the whole dating direction, and she is going to help me become approachable and be able to approach girls. She does not know how I feel. Anyway, just when I thought I was thinking clearly, she went and dressed all hot on new years, and that threw me right back. Woke up this morning, and my mind had changed again. Yelling at myself feels quite good but it does not resolve a lot, really. I have to move on for my own good, but apparantly it will take a little bit more than I thought.

I thnk it will just take some time, and do not feel you have to rush out and meet another guy, just let it happen. It hurts alot, I know, but these things have to be done. I have broken my heart so many times over this, I do not think it can break anymore. Odds are I am wrong, but what can we do?

Hope it goes better than mine, anyway.

im hopelessly absorbed with someone out of my reach. bout 2 yrs now. sux. some days are bad. some are ok at best.