Relationships are way too difficult

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Okay, so after a semi frustrating day, I come home to find a package from my dad on the table. Now, he lives 45 minutes from me and I just saw him last Friday and will see him next Tuesday, so I thought it was odd. So, I open it up and find the set of DVD's that I got him for Christmas. So, I call him and I say, "what are you doing? How come you sent me the DVD's back?" He says, "Well, I thought you might want them back". I'm like, "Dad, I got them for you". He says, "It's about respect." So, I'm extremely confused trying to figure out how these DVD's are connected to respect.

Then he pulls out the step mother card. He's all like, "Well, you didn't get your stepmother anything for Christmas." I'm thinking, first of all, she has her own children who don't do anything for her, so why am I the chuffing bad guy, here? So, I make some lame excuse and tell him that I'll get her a gift card and be done with it. But he goes on and on about how she's been to all the court dates and how my mother hasn't bothered to come to any of the court dates. I'm thinking first of all, you live in the town where court is and my mother lives a state away.

OMFG! I am sitting here kicking myself for having a kid and wanting him to have a relationship with my parents. I just want to run and hide in a cave. I wish that relationships were not chuffing difficult. I'm completely disgusting. Sometimes I think it's a huge waste of time to do anything other than be locked in my room with my computer. It's just so stupid.

I just add it to the list of s**t that I don't get. I don't get why I'm responsible for my step mother's happiness level. Her own kids hate her and I didn't see him calling and yelling at them about not getting their mother anything. Three years ago when his wife was calling me and having some sort of schizophrenic panic attack and accusing me of being the most ungrateful b***h on the planet, where was his respect then. He called me and told me to stop doing things to get her all worked up. Then she had a nervous breakdown and tried to blame me.

I hate people. I'm done venting.

Parents have too much power over playing their kids' emotions like puppets on a string. I suppose it's an instinct for survival that kids let parents rule their emotions but it's a lot of work to distance one's self from toxic parental emotional manipulations

I'll tell you what most likely happened.

1. You give your dad a present, but not your stepmum.
2. You go home
3. Stepmum gets into dad's ear about "how disrespectful to not get me something ...etc"
4. Dad needs to get on with Stepmum and asks advice
5. Stepmum says - "take those back"
6. Dad takes DVDs back.

At this point, your arguement is "technically" with your stepmum but it's not an obvious argument.

It's also unwinnable.

Just take the gifts back and get them a "shared" present next time.

Your dad probably doesn't want to fight, he's just cornered.

I don't think you did anything wrong.

You don't have any obligation to have a relationship with your stepmother. If your father can't accept that, that's his problem.

Okay, but I still don't get how I was disrespectful. Her own children completely ignored her. I at least show her a little affection. I make my kid call her grandmum. I mean, what more do they want. I think that I'm just mad because it's always all about her. Even this situation with the court and my son has turned into some kind of step mother parade. How awful for me...my grandchild had to go live with his dad because my stepdaughter has a disability.

What I'm saying is that I'm getting pretty pissy about the whole ordeal. I know my dad has to live with her, but jeez there's a limit. I hate this whole thing. I don't get it. I don't know how I became the bad guy in this situation. I wish my dad would get some balls. I get so tired of everything being about her. My dad had a heart attack and had to have quadruple bypass surgery and it was about how she would do if dad died in there. It's disgusting. She's an awful evil person and I don't get it.

I'm going to my cave now. I'm never coming out. People are too complicated to deal with. I can't cope.

Relationships are just as difficult for NTs.

You weren't disrespectful. Some people just have a hard time saying, "I feel left out," because they come across as like three years old or something, so they say, "It's about respect!" instead.

Don't give up on relationships altogether - although you might want to back away from those two for a while...

He decided when he married her that she came before everyone else. She'll let him off of her main venom stream if he'll agree with her to blame you, so he does. A lot of men are in marriages like that. Keep your contact to a minimum so they can make their own gravy without getting it all over you.

I wish I could, but they are kinna my only support during my court ordeal thing. But I'm really considering cutting them off again when it's all over. I so just wanna hide in a hole right now. I hate when things get difficult with my parents. It's just too much. My dad so doesn't get the AS thing and we have a lot of difficulties because of it.

You didn't do anything too disrespectful but your stepmother obviously feels disrespected.

You need their support and although wicked stepmothers are often a problem, if you can keep her on the right side, she'll probably give you some much needed support.

If you pay her a visit and give her some flowers (not taking the DVDs back at the same time) - and if you say "sorry" - you've got a good chance of getting this whole thing to blow over until next Christmas.

If you need their support, that's the way to win it back.

I also think the basic complaint your father is voicing is that you don't acknowledge the woman's role, her existence in your fathers life. Coupledom is like a 'We are One!' statement, so you have to accept that, even if you don't like it.

It's very normal socially to acknowledge people's partners, it will only make things worse if you fail to 'mend' this problem.

If they're helping you with your problems you need to 'court' them, BOTH of them, it's only polite.

Okay, but can we all agree that it was sucky and my dad is an idiot?

I mean, really, I wasn't being disrespectful. I mean, I'm only totally running my own court case here, representing myself, and fighting an almost impossible situation. So, I have just a few more things that are more important on my brain, you know. It's not about them. It's about my son. I mean, they've been married for almost 30 years, I'm pretty much resigned that we're stuck with her and all her selfish little stunts.

So, that's not really the issue. I think I'm just reacting to the whole abandonment thing. It's always when I need support (which I rarely do) then my dad chooses to make some kind of she's the good mommy statement.

Maybe I just need to crawl on my knees and say you're the best mommy. I don't think anyone will be satisfied until that happens. Well, last I checked hell has not become a frigidaire dealership. LOL. My sardonic humour, sorry.

The only thing worse than relationships.... is the alternative.

IDK. The alternative is sounding pretty good right now.

I've never understood that whole "seeing couples as a unit" mentality. People shouldn't lose their status as individuals simply because they're in a relationship.
I don't think you were disrespectful.