Surviving social occassions (relatively) sober

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Does anybody have any hot tips for managing to have a good time at a party and come across as being a friendly person without hitting the bottle?

I don't have any - thats why I need them.

I'm looking for that middle way between being too anxious to speak to anyone and going completely over the top. I think it's called 'moderation'.

When I'm at a party I drink bottled beer. When I finish one, I go in the kitchen and rinse the bottle and fill it with water and drink that. That way, I not only get only half as drunk, I keep myself hydrated and feel much better in the morning.

Do you not start panicking that you're going to sober up and will become totally anti-social and boring? I don't have a problem with anyone seeing I'm not drinking, just with the fact of being sober and being out.

No, you misunderstand. I drink a bottle of beer, then a bottle of water, then another beer... So I have 3 beers in an evening instead of 6, which is usually just about right..

ah, you see, I have a little problem in that because I used alcohol to cover up my social anxiety for so long, it takes a lot as in a lot of alcohol to get me anywhere. My idiocy really.

Sorry I feel bad for not being appreciative enough of your reply, sorry.

I was the same for years, it was the only way I seem to feel I fitted, being diagnosed has changed that in the fact I now know who I am and have the confidence to not have to drink alcohol. Do I enjoy social events more, not really and often prefer not to.

There are no great answers, but it does help to have good friends who understand you. And do the things you want, make you happy, not what others demand...

I don't fit in to social events not of my own making/family unless I use alcohol.

So... I either find an excuse to leave early (and hate every minute) or I hit the bottle.

Neither option is good.

Yeah, I think part of it is I have to stop thinking that I'm a bad person if I don't enjoy it. I have started filtering out the events that I know I really won't enjoy, which tends to mean going to smaller scale events. There is a trend in the london club scene at the moment for putting on multi room extravaganzas with a hundred bands and a million DJ's and a billion people. I know it has always been like this for dance music, but now the indie scene feels the need to put these things on too, and they're always massively hyped up, (and horrible). Whatever happened to three bands in a tiny bar with a 1am home time? I used to be able to cope with that!! !

The event I'm thinking of leaving my house for is a warehouse party, but it's a twee indie-pop warehouse party, so no pumping bass. It's BYOB, my friend is putting it on, and it actually sounds really cool. I want to go!

My friends all talk about going out sober and having a dance sometimes and how it's actually really fun. I've repeatedly been described by people as the most uptight person they've ever met. I wish I could let my hair down and relax without copious quantities of vodka.

I wish I had a magic pill for you but it sounds exactly like me when I was younger. As I tell my friends now, I spent the first half of the 90's drunk. Now, I'm older and realize that things sound fun but I don't have fun at them means they aren't fun for me which is what counts.

The easiest way I've found to get around this is to be the host. Organize it myself, plan it, etc... then I'm too busy directing and checking on things that my lack of sitting down and socializing isn't noticed and I can have my fun at the same time.

That is a tough one. What type of party? Are there smaller rooms? Is there a focus or it is just a bunch of people? I can't pretend to be a party animal. I tend to avoid large parties or anything without a focus. Definitely only go to things that you think you might enjoy.

I'm a better out than I was. It really depends on the day. I just don't dwell on it so much but that is something that comes with time, I'm not going to tell you not to dwell on it as if you can snap your fingers. It is true the before and the after has a bearing on during.

If I was going to be a complete pain in the arse I can see at least 3 things wrong with this statement immediately. You need to love yourself more, but that is an end goal or philosophical. You need to figure out what you believe in order to make you think that. So the assumptions:
a) You are not interesting
b) You have to be drunk to be interesting or social
c) You are there for other people’s entertainment

I bet you can think of more. So can I but let you off for now:p

So that being said I would focus more on trying feel more relaxed about being there rather trying to be interesting or social.

Some ideas for now that I have:

As asplanet mentioned it makes a big difference if there is somebody there that you know you can relate to that you can come with.

Don't make firm commitments with yourself as to if you are going and how long you want to stay. You can decide that the last minute. If it not you day, it is fine you can stay in read a book, listen to some music, etc. Don’t beat yourself up about it. The idea is to try and learn to be more spontaneous. If you know you are sure want to go then get your coat and keys and leave immediately.

Distract yourself as much as possible before you go out. Keep preparations to a minimum. Get an alarm or somebody else to tell when you would have to leave.

Despite above, an alternative is to have 10-15 minutes spare if you are going and do
Some sort of relation exercise such as Jacobson Progressive Muscle Relation. These are different variations of it:
http://www.hypnos.co.uk/hypnomag/jacobson.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressive_relaxation

Somebody suggested to me once you can do the stomach exercises on their own if you are out start to feel panicky/hyperventilating. It sort of helps slow down your breathing.

If you clench all the muscles in your face then release them slowly this is particularly good. Relaxation the muscles on you face can make you feel better because you will be able to smile more readily. Try and see if you can make yourself smile from this in front of a mirror.

Once you are there try on focus 'outwardly', aim to make observations about the people you are with people and not yourself. It doesn't really matter what details you choose it could be people’s noses or items of clothing. Just keep on making lots of observations. Don't try to derive too much knowledge from them. They need to be brief thoughts and fairly frequent.

Focus on things that are amusing, try to make you self laugh inside or out if you can. Personally I try to think of think of alter egos, or exaggerated characters.

Bring with you something funny, either in your head or on a piece of paper, which is familiar and makes you laugh so you have it if you need it.

It is ok to go to the loo/outside every now and then just to take a break. Just don’t dwell on things while you are there. Think of it like you are recharging you batteries.

Move around if it is slightly repositioning about every thirty seconds.

You don’t need to speak all the time. Let other people do most of the speaking. If you listen they will appreciate that and you can make more genuine responses.

If you are silent try smiling. Being silent is perfectly fine. Drunk people can be silent, just as they can be loud. You know when you are drunk and you just listen to the music? Time goes by you haven’t talked. You don’t need to be drunk to do that.

If you have doubts about anything look for real life evidence to confirm you fears. If it isn’t there then you must assume those fears are unfounded.

If you need some sort of way of relieving some stress you can put ice in your hand squeeze it hard. Or do some sort of energetic stim.

That is all I can come up with for now my brain is fried.

This is a longer term plan and not an immediate fix for the next party, but my tip would be to think outside the box and try something different which will help develop self confidence and self worth socially without the need of copious drink.

The basic idea to these suggestions is that it is much easier to communicate if there is a common ground. Self improvement may be what interests you and is on your mind the most at the moment, so this is what you need to be able to work into your conversations.

Idea 1, try social anxiety meetups. The benefit of these environments is there really is no pressure to be sociable, you will be successful just by turning up, and can interact at your own pace.

Idea 2, if social anxiety meet ups sound too clinical, you could try a socially orientated “going out” or any other meet up group. I’m not sure exactly how open you could be, but it must be a better and easier place to try and develop socially than a typical party or club.

Idea 3, try meeting up with other people from wrongplanet or any other existing AS group. I don’t really know why this isn’t a common thing, or maybe it is? I noticed there is now a meetups thread.

I think all these options would give any person with AS the opportunity to develop socially without the need to hit the bottle. I should now take my advice and join a group.

Another point, I’ve come to conclusion that it is not just how much is drank, but what is drank. For example, consecutive Vodka and Cokes is not good. Not because of the Vodka, but because of the caffeine / alcohol issue. It’s a really bad mix. I personally need to remember this next time out, but always forget.

So still drink, but less Coke = more relaxed, less drink needed, still feel great, etc, etc

That's my method too -- I alternate alcohol with water or club soda. That way, even if I do drink too much, I stay hydrated, and the drunkenness and hangover both stay under control.

ok and another thing guys let me tell you something, never drink too much wiskey! you wont be able to get it up, and your sweetie will go to bed angry. thats only happend to me at the strip club and i was embaressed

but if you do, alternate with water or club soda or another non-alcoholic bev.

trust us on that.

hydration is key.

Also whiskey gives men WHISKEY BREATH which is just plain unpleasant.


Anyway people, I came up to the solution. I'm going on a mega mega mega hundred quid record shopping spree. I'm going to dump the booty at my friends house before we go out. This gives me a motive to actually end up back at my friends house rather than at some random blokes house, in hospital or in a ditch.

I have also arranged to go swimming and to the gym with my mother the next day, which requires me to be in a reasonable state.

My friend who I'm taking - and I love her, right - is a bit obnoxious and uber NT. I think this is going to be good because her outgoing-ness sort of rubs off a bit on me. She doesn't let me sit in a corner and not talk to anyone!


I'm afraid I have always, and think I will continue to base my entire social life around music. It's what I love.