Crush on A Girl, Told Her I was an aspie..Mistake?

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I have recently developed a crush on a co-worker. Although we have worked together for a few years, we work different departments and hours and I didn't get a spark until I discovered how smart she was... I haven't had a crush in years. In the past I would just avoid the person until the crush had dulled to a manageable point or they let me know the feeling was mutual.

Anyhow, on a couple of occasions recently I we ended up a the same after-hours non-work function and end up in lengthy conversion. Based on the conversions I could assume that she was flirting or considered me so harmless that it was more of the joke flirting. After the first "party" it was like throwing gasoline on the crush. During the second party there she brought up the topic a mutual friend that is an aspie and I found the words "so am I." falling out of my mouth. Instantly regretting it... The rest of the night seemed normal, however I am "reading" something else now in the couple of time I bumped into her since.

Has anyone else ever got this reaction ... I have been trying to step out of my safe zone recently and become more involved in the world around me with the underlying goal of not having to "hide" my AS...

Any suggestions - avoid her? come right out and say it ? wait until when or if she makes another flirty comment and reply "If I don't have such a crush on you, I would take that seriously" and bluff it off if she gets seems surprised in a bad way... I would come right out and tell her if I didn't think there was a possibility of her being uncomfortable, since really wouldn't mind having her as a friend that I didn't have a crush on.

Big mistake

I don't think so - if she can't accept you for who you are then shes not for you - and a shallow individual anyway.

if she can't accept you for who you are then shes not for you - and a shallow individual anyway.[/quote]

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Second date, I told Kevin about my Aspergers.

We've been together for over 10 months now.

Agree with this. If being an aspie is a secret, then our situation in the world will never improve.

Well yeah. But Kevins a guy. If a girl hears you have Aspergers, instant "you must be a ret*d"

I admit that there was a brief lull in conversion for a few seconds ... after dropping the AS-bomb.

Wouldn't it be ironic if I the change in attitude was that she thought I had a crush and it was me not the the AS that turned her off?

Well yeah. But Kevins a guy. If a girl hears you have Aspergers, instant "you must be a ret*d"[/quote

Not necessarily.....

I told my first girlfriend, and it helped her understand me.

my second girlfriend, she had As as well, however, I'm more borderline AS/NT and she functions very well too, she's a borderliner as well.

The rate in girls is less then it is in men, but still the fact that I was dating someone who had it, worked very well, because we were very comfortable with each other.

My third/current girlfriend knows about my AS because she was went to school with me in 8th grade and she knew, because we were in the same program together.



I think mate, that you have nothing to worry about.

If she likes you, she won't care. I say, go ahead and tell her. That's what I'd do (and have done before) in your position.

Personally speaking, I think that someone you're romantically interested in has a right to know about your AS. Besides, keeping it secret won't help anything.

(That "right to know" concept has gotten me into trouble before...)

Is this like mentioning you have an STD or an illigitimate kid or were convicted of a felony?

I dated for years and never mentioned it. Because I didn't know.

You let it out in a perfectly okay timing, "so am I " perfect!

The ONLY reason we tell others these things is so they can understand us better.

Yes you may be treated like a "ret*d" but it's better to be given that benifit of a doubt than be thought of as a clueless on purpose jerk.

In my opinion . . . .

Not entirely true. I knew a girl in high school who dated a guy with AS. She didn't think he was a ret*d. Only the heartless, idiotic females will think that about someone. If they are genuine, a "label" wont change what they think of the person.

Yeah, because all girls are more shallow, stupid and less accepting of difference than all guys.

I have to agree with a few other posters - if she truly likes you - she will accept you for who you are. Not define you by it.

I hope she sees what a cool wonderful person you are. Accept you hook, line and sinker!




(and if she doesn't - its her loss)

Oh come on, f**k that.

Look, going up to someone in a bar and saying 'hi there, I'm Pete, I like long walks, standing in the rain and if you bring that banana drink any closer to me I'll hurl all over you due to my hypersensitivity. What to come back to my place?' isn't likely to get you any action.

When it's this early on, you can't hold it against a girl for not necessarily wanting to get involved with someone - and I know this may piss people of - will be difficult in many situations. That's just how we are. We can't help it, we can't be blamed for it, but that's the way it is. Certain parts of your relationship, some of which many people consider absolutely basic, will be a struggle. You can't blame her for not wanting what I believe Americans refer to as 'a project.'

You say she didn't react much. I say, if it's driving you this crazy, bring it up again and address that. Say to her that you don't want it to effect anything at such an early stage and that while it may make thigns difficult in the long run (if there IS a long run) you're willing to go through it if she is. Or better yet, don't mention it at all and if it is a problem, discuss it later.

I don't think I'd disclose it right off the top, just because you'd really want to have the person get to know you first and let that come as a secondary factor rather than letting their take on it swallow your identity - same would happen if a girl lets say was really turned on by the idea of dating a guy with AS, he's have a big stereotype to live up to and she may well be disappointed and turn away if she wasn't getting what she thought she was.

On another note though, I agree that if someone really can't accept the 360 of you, things will fall apart sooner or later and even if you can hide it for a long time its still going to be such a high maintenance effort that in the end you'll almost dread being with them and just wish they'd lose interest. Not that most people are left with much of a choice, its either that or go single, but then again by most I'm thinking of the people who aren't stereotypical aspies with that certain specific "I'm a geek and proud" charm; its not even a matter of liking yourself or disliking either, everyone's different with different drives, different awarenesses, different life motivations, different things that make them happy or unhappy, so one prescription of identity can't fit all by any means.