NT Mother In-law

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I am married to a NT guy, and he is close with his family especially his mother. Luckly we live in Hawaii and his family in Texas. But often he wants me to talk with her if she calls, etc. In the past my mother in-law and I have had a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings because of my AS and then my husband feels like he is always in the middle to have to explain everything. I think it is better just to have a relationship with my husband and ignore his family (for my own sanity), but then his family and mother think i don't like them.

I cannot win!! Either I have a relationsip with them and their are problems, or I don't and they think i hate them. They have been informed about AS, but don't think much about it....... what can I do?

The first point might be to see what your husband thinks of the situation for example, does he think that you married not just him, but the entire family, or is he of a more contemporary and mobile mindset?

Since it seems that you married your Husband and not his Family, it might be worth reminding all interested parties of that fact.

You are lucky to have the geographical distance between you to at least have some personal space and privacy, so that is a head start.

Luckily for me, there have been no problems with my brothers marrying or anything; the relationships are usually strong for around a couple of years, then the peter out and die, therefore the prospect of marriage is never really a likely outcome, whatever the protestations to the contrary.

It seems that if your Husband is comfortable with the situation then there is less need to be too upset by it.

This raises an interesting question in my mind. Do people expect women to be more socially adept?

When I was married I rarely ever talked to or saw my in-laws and there was never any problem with that. They did not think I disliked them because of that. However, I can see where a woman might be in a different situation as I saw how my NT ex-wife interacted more with my own family than I ever have.