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simfish
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24 Feb 2008, 12:07 am

Does anyone have any examples of someone who is used/manipulated? I don't want to use or manipulated people - I yearn for close relationships and can't stand talking to people otherwise. But I just want to be on the outlook for warning signs of those.



Dantac
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24 Feb 2008, 1:53 am

I think a good warning flag is if they ask you to do many things for them but they wont do something in return for you that is much smaller.

But then again, use common sense. If the most popular girl comes up to you and asks for favors and never talks or hangs out with you..then duh, you're being used.



zee
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24 Feb 2008, 1:59 am

It's a two-way street. If people allow themselves to be manipulated, then it's sad, but it's still partially their fault.



ev8
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24 Feb 2008, 2:10 am

Common sense works very well everywhere except in real life.

If the most popular girl walks up to Social Reject X and asks for favors, but never talks or hangs out with Social Reject X, then duh. Social Reject X is being used.

If the most popular girl walked up to ME and asked for favors, rarely talked to or hung out with me, but always gave excuses that seemed valid enough without a pattern to them... I'd feel like a champ for a few months. Eventually, I'd realize that I'd been acting like a chump descended from chimps.

If you're really worried about being manipulated or used, the only solid indicator would be to keep track of what you did for them, and what they did for you. If there's a significant imbalance (make up your own rules for this, I don't care enough to) then someone is getting screwed. The next step is talking to the person. If you're screwing them, ask them what they need done. If they're screwing you, ask them to do something for you... Politely. Don't ask me how to do that politely - I haven't the foggiest idea.

If they refuse, give irrational excuses, or otherwise attempt to dodge the issue, I'd move on.



CockneyRebel
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24 Feb 2008, 2:11 am

If you're at a job site, and the your peers are telling you to make a fool of yourself, by telling you to dance, or sing, you're being used. That happened to me, but I didn't take any orders from those bastards.


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Mum2ASDboy
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24 Feb 2008, 2:16 am

Some people can be so skilled at manipulating others not even NT's can tell that they are being used.
The best way to avoid it is to be on the lookout and ask others that know them if they are like that with other people.



oscuria
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24 Feb 2008, 4:00 am

Others have accused me of being manipulative. I can see why. I don't like doing what they want and will only participate if I am comfortable. Otherwise, nothing will be done.



Greentea
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24 Feb 2008, 2:53 pm

One form of manipulation I'm often subjected to is the giving me friendship as payment for favors. If I do x for them, they give me relating in return. If I don't do what they want from me, they remove the relating. As if relating to me was a favor I had to pay for. Ever since I realized how I'm manipulated in this way, I just let them leave, pretend not to notice or care. At some point, they come back or stay away, which is for the better anyway. One thing I've learnt is never to pay for someone relating to me as a friend. Relating should be a mutual interest, not a favor someone does to me in exchange for other favors.


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